Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wipeout!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts this past month.  Late summer activities and vacations and family and work and..., well, you get the idea, kept me plenty busy.  On top of that, I suffered a wipeout in my internet surfing.

I've been knocked off the internet before, but never with such a perfect storm that sent a tsunami-type wave that knocked me off my internet surfing board into a senseless drift of odd bytes and file fragments and onto a deserted island of no internet access. I spent a week marooned with no e-mail, no Twitter, no blogs, and no spam.  Actually, you can forget about the spam.  I can't stomach it and it's bad for my waistline anyways.

I made a rescue flag from my bikini top (okay, a small rescue flag), then sat down on the beach to work on my tan and watch for rescue boats.  The flag alone didn't help much.  I ended up having to frantically jump and down and wave my arms anytime a ship passed, but the first time I did so I got an immediate response.  Now I'm back in the civilized world and fully plugged into the world wide web.  Ooh, the new cat videos on YouTube I missed while gone!

Seriously, it was a 1-2 punch.  First I discovered I had no internet access.  I spent a couple of days checking the hardware and firewalls, then admitted defeat and phoned my DSL tech support.  Immediately, I got a pre-recorded message saying there was a problem with users anti-virus software.  The software was making everyone's computers so secure from internet viruses and hackers that the computers were now unable to connect to the internet.  That's very secure, but a bit ridiculous.  The fix was to un-install the anti-virus software and install the updated version.  I did so.  Once it was completed, I turned off the computer, grabbed my purse, and headed to work.

All day long at work I couldn't wait to get home and get back on the internet.  (Withdrawal symptoms?  Couldn't be!)  I work for an employer where nothing is secret, so I can't go near anything remotely TG or "questionable" on my work computers.  It's not that I work in a high security-type place, it's just that I have a super nosey and suspicious computer tech co-worker.  This guy set up an open Wi-Fi network strictly for employee use on their free time, and the first time I used it I found someone trying to hack into my personal computer.  Talk about "Big Brother"!

Anyway, I returned home, slipped into something more comfortable, hit the on button (on the computer, thank you very much!), logged onto the internet, and got nothing.  Zip!  Zero!  Zilch!  I spent the next day trying to connect to the internet.  This time I tried re-booting in safe mode and even bought a new ethernet connector.  Still nothing.  I decided to phone tech support again and did so the next day only to discover my telephone was dead.  My telephone is an old-fashioned land line but is connected to DSL.  After I had downloaded the new software and gone to work, we had heavy thunderstorms move through the area and knocked down the phone lines on my block.  Girl, did I feel stupid!!!

So now I'm back surfing the internet and trying hard to update my blog more often.  Also, in case I am ever hit by a tsunami again and forced to make a rescue flag, I am switching to one-piece internet-surfing-swimsuits.  Wait a minute... I just noticed a problem with that plan.

Kelli

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Myra Breckinridge

Gore Vidal passed away this week.  He was a giant in the literary world and a fascinating man who knew a lot of fascinating people.  I don't read a lot of novels, but I did read Myra Breckinridge many years ago, and it spawned a family mystery that I have never solved.

Sometime back in the 1970s I was staying with relatives for the summer.  At the time I thought I was a young crossdresser (terms like "transgender" and "autogynephilia" hadn't been coined yet) and took every opportunity to dress in old clothes that I might find, read anything on the subject that might be in print (there was very little legit info in print back then), and hypnotically watch anything on television dealing with the subject (which was normally relegated to rare news stories about transexuals).  Yes, for the enlightenment of the younger ready, forty years ago mankind was basically an ignorant brute as evidenced by the polyster fashion of the day, but I digress....  I was staying with relatives for the summer and had the run of the house and the small town where we lived.

One afternoon I happened to go nosing through a closet full of old clothes and lots of "junk".  None of the clothes really caught my eye, but I found some old magazines and books that appeared interesting.  Once I had dug down into the middle of the stack, I discovered that sandwiched between reams of general family-targeted magazines were a couple of girlie magazines and a paperback copy of Myra Breckinridge.

I examined the girlie magazines first as I was most familiar with those.  They had the usual centerfolds and layouts of gorgeous nude women, but one item that both copies had in common was that they both had layouts of some hermaphrodites as well.  I was puzzled by this coincidence and mesmerized by these naked bodies that were both male and female.  I had never seen anything like that before.

Then I turned my attention to the book and began reading it.  To the best of my knowledge, I had never heard anything about this book or about the author, yet something drove me to read it.  The two magazines had been major important finds for me and a hunch told me this book was right up my alley as well.  Over the course of a week I sneaked reading chapters and stuck with the book to the very end (I didn't cheat and read the end first) where I was rewarded with the literary fulfillment of a major personal erotic fantasy -- Myra had been Myron, a male.  The thought of being able to overcome my problem of being male and becoming a beautiful woman like Myra (who would tell you herself that she was beautiful) made a huge impact on me.

Some time later, a question popped into my little brain.  Who was the owner of these books and magazines?  The owner was obviously a relative, yet they had been hidden away in a manner where only the owner would have access to them.  This owner might have been like me, wishing they had been born a woman.  Years later, I also realized that this person might have been a bit more lewd, being what is often termed a "tranny chaser".  Whatever the reason for this relative owning this material, I would have liked to have talked with them about it.  There are studies that suggest transgenderism is an inherited phenomenon.  Learning of this person's motives and passions would have been a treasure trove of info.

Unfortunately, this person was probably raised like I was to be ashamed and be silent of any deviation from the "norm".  If there is nothing wrong or sinful about the deviation, why be ashamed and silent?  I can fully understand why people might think my actions are odd (they are sometimes odd to me also), but odd does not equal wrong or sinful, and I've learned being ashamed and silent (for no good reason) not only hurts myself, but others who feel the same.

Kelli

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Keepin' It Girly

I've got lots of secret girly reminders surrounding me on a daily basis.  For example, heaven help me if a stranger picks up my cell phone.  I currently have this cute gif as the wallpaper reminding myself to stop and smell the coffee.  Doing so en femme is even nicer.

My computer at home is equipped with a couple of desktops.  One features girly and transgender themes, the other is boring guy colors and designs.  My favorite Ranma 1/2 gif of Ranma being doused with cold water would probably invoke too many questions when the parson comes for a visit.  However, Windows "dessert" color theme screams generic guy computer.

Mom always told me to make certain to wear clean underwear in case you are involved in a traffic accident.  I'm not certain which would raise more questions -- being in an accident while wearing 2 day old underwear, or wearing satin pink heart panties trimmed in lace.  Either way, I prefer the second.

Sometimes my girlish ways are discovered.  I once had to visit a doctor and absent mindedly shaved my legs the night before.  The problem was an ingrown toenail.  I realized what I had done when the doctor asked me to remove my shoe and sock.  He examined my foot, noticed the lack of hair, and raised my pant leg.  Do you shave your legs? he asked.  I tried to act as confident as possible.  Of course I do.  Is there anything wrong?  The doctor assured me nothing was wrong and wrote a prescription.  Thank heavens I didn't need an injection in the rear.  I probably would have passed out and the doctor would have used my cell phone to call a friend to come get me.  See gif above....

Still, in all the years I've been doing this, I have yet to really been called out.  Keep it girly, friends.  It's better than any alternative out there.

Kelli

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Vacation Time!

Merciful heavens!  Due to other people's vacations, I am in dire need of a vacation!  I feel bad for not updating my little blog in over a month, but it seems everyone at my place of employment decided to vacation in June.  That left little ol' me to fill-in and cover for all my fellow employees, working my fingers to the bone, all under the compassionate gaze of my slaver-driver boss.  I ended up with only bony fingers to show for my dedication, good work ethic, and honesty.  A pay raise is what I would have preferred, but in my line of work they don't give out pay raises for being a good employee.  On a side note, bright red nail polish seems to make your fingers look even bonier.


Now that we are in July and the middle of summer vacation season here in the states, I can't imagine a repeat of June, but you never know.  I'm almost afraid to ask for a week of vacation because of the possibility of denial of request.  I mean, the only reason they could deny my request is because they are expecting a repeat of June.  That would crush my spirit.  Did everyone get an extra week of vacation and I missed the memo?


I shouldn't complain too much about my job, referred to affectionately as "the salt mine".  Gender dysphoria has permeated all aspects of my life to one degree or so, and sometimes dreams and fantasy are mistakenly compared to reality.  Lots of people would say I have a very nice job, and when the facts are considered, they are correct.  But in my dreams, I would much rather be a runway model for the house of Chanel, and that job trumps most any male job imaginable.


I'll try to do better at blogging.  FYI I also enjoy Tweeting now and frequently retweet interesting items that can be found in the right-hand column of my blog.  I normally tweet or retweet several times a day, so if you see something interesting, please check back often.  I put a lot of time and effort into selecting the proper heels for Tweeting, so I take it pretty seriously.


Kelli

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Introductory Androgyny 101

Had a chance run-in with an androgynous person the other day.  I had stopped at a fast food place and this person was working the cash register.  I was totally blown away with the mixed gender signals I got from this person.  This person had a completely androgynous name, and working in a fast food restaurant had a uni-sex uniform on.  Short hair framed a cute face, and a ponytail exited from under the back of the cap.  The voice was definitely masculine while body motion was very feminine.  Being a bit taller than myself, I glanced up, looking for more gender markers and decided I definitely saw feminine breasts under the knit pull-over shirt.  I was thoroughly confused by this person's gender, and that doesn't happen very often to me.


The incident got me to considering the subject of androgyny.  Speaking only for myself, when I'm in female mode, I always consider myself somewhat "girly-girly".  I enjoy projecting a female image.  It seemed to me that a bit of gender ambiguity might be both possible and permissible from time to time, so I've decided to start exploring this option as well.


Let's face reality.  I've got friends and co-workers that don't seem to share my enjoyment of high-heeled shoes.  Some uni-sex loafers might be a safer alternative.  Projecting a "100% male" image gets boring after awhile (and in my case that normally takes just a couple of minutes).


If that was you in the fast food restaurant, I'd love to hear from you.


Kelli

Thursday, May 3, 2012

March Winds, April Showers, May Flowers, Blog Update

Sorry for the lack of updates.  I really am working on posting more often.  Starting a project like a blog shocks you with the reality that it takes a lot of discipline and study to keep one running and hopefully have a few people read it.  There are a couple of incredibly popular blogs that I read that are updated every day.  Until science perfects a surgically grafted USB connection to hard wire humans to computers, I will probably just aim for one update a week.


Twitter is a handy tool for all sorts of news, including transgender news.  I can't believe I waited so long to start using it.  You can see my favorite TG news retweets in the right column.


I have to admit that I was surprised when I read that some transgenders were unhappy with the Miss Universe rule change allowing transgenders to compete.  I can certainly respect their views on the subject.  Haven't we reached a point where about any configuration imaginable is now possible?  We can have beauty contests for "natural born" women.  I'm okay with that.  We can have beauty contests with women and transgenders competing side-by-side.  I'm okay with that.  We can still have beauty contests for just transgenders.  I imagine everyone is okay with that.  Funny how you don't have contests featuring 100% natural contestants completely void of surgical enhancement, dress with enhanced padding, and makeup.


Thanks to the masses that voted in my poll.  You were evenly divided between the ever-popular unaccompanied drum solo for the talent competition, and the basic state of being beautiful as a God-given talent.  I thank you both for voting.


That's all for now.  Tweet me @kelliroberts4!  Does that mean there are three other Kelli Roberts out there?  That could be scary.


Kelli

Friday, April 13, 2012

Wow! Never Thought I Would Live To See The Day!


Jenna Talackova has received permission to compete as the first transgendered person in the Miss Canada/Miss Universe contest. This is a major accomplishment for the transgendered community, and I sincerely hope and pray that the outcome produces only positive results. I hope Miss Talackova's performance leaves viewers with a favorable impression of transgendered people, and I hope this leads to more acceptance and more opportunities. I want a good role model that is transgendered, and I hope Jenna Talackova is able to fill those shoes.

Two weeks ago, it looked like this milestone in transgender history wasn't even going to happen. Two weeks ago, Jenna had been accepted as a contestant in the pageant, but when word leaked that she was transexual, pageant officials gave her the boot. I'm not critical of pageant officials. They were following the official rules that all the Miss Universe affiliated pageants follow. Still, I was very disappointed. Winning a beauty pageant is the dream of many transgenders, and there is none bigger than Miss Universe. Just being able to compete would add an air of acceptance, that we have truly reached a level of beauty and poise equal to genetic women who undergo years of beauty pageant training. I know transgendered women are beautiful. I want the rest of the world to know it as well.

I wrote about my disappointment a couple weeks ago in this blog and offered this advice: if Mr. Trump didn't allow Jenna to compete, someone else should seize the opportunity to open the doors of their pageant to all who epitomize feminine beauty. I'm an old-fashioned businesswoman at heart. Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. I thought Mr. Trump was sitting on a goldmine.

But I'm also a realist and didn't expect anything to happen. I figured someone would take up the idea, start a little nickle and dime beauty pageant featuring both women and transgenders, and over time would hopefully catch on. Imagine my surprise when Mr. Trump announced days later that Jenna could indeed compete in the Miss Canada contest. You could have knocked me over with a feather when the news broke. This is great news and the ball is back in Jenna's court as she now has to prepare to go head to head with some gorgeous women who have a few more years experience being women. I look forward to seeing the pageant play out.

In the meantime, it seems logical in viewing this news story that Mr. Trump has obviously been keeping up with the latest media reports and gauging public attitude. If he has been gauging public attitude, he obviously has been hearing from the transgendered community as we would obviously be among Jenna's biggest backers. If he has been keeping tabs on how the transgendered community felt, he might have come across this little blog. And if he came across this little blog once, he might possibly come back again in the future. So Mr. Trump, if you ever need a crossdressed musician to work at one of your hotels or casinos, call me!

Kelli

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Notes from the Home


Made some major decisions this afternoon while taking my usual Sunday afternoon siesta. First, I've decided to make a future run for the White House, and I figure the sooner the better.

Before I do that, I'll need to start living as a woman full time. At the very least, that will involve dressing and acting as a woman 24/7. I'm not certain I am ready to sacrifice any male body parts on the altar of U.S. politics, although many candidates seem to do that everyday.

Plan to pick and choose what I like from all the political parties, then call it my own platform. If anyone says I can't run as a woman because it says "male" on my birth certificate (which I can produce), I'll plead for public sympathy. People will realize it isn't fair that I am being attacked by my opponents simply because they don't like the way I dress. I'll win the election in a landslide.

Once I'm in the White House, I'll push legislation allowing crossdressing within the limits of good taste. I'll set a personal example by being very fashionable. The reporters will liken me to a modern-day Jackie Kennedy, I'll look so good, and Joan Rivers will find herself doing daily White House fashion critiques.

The major fashion designers will start seeking my measurements in the hopes that they can design beautiful dresses that I will wear on official business to other nations and puttering around the good old U.S. of A. Soon, knock-offs of these designer threads will start appearing at local moderately-priced department stores so the average man on the street can begin experimenting with this new fashion fad. Husbands and wives can begin trading and experimenting on each other with the latest makeup products and applications. The economy will boom over increased sales related to this new-found freedom in dress.

The uproar of transgenders in the "wrong" restroom will be silenced. If everyone is wearing traditional female fashion and minding their manners, how can you truly accuse someone of being in the wrong restroom.

In the business place, paying someone less money just because they were hired as "eye candy" looses some of its motivation as both men and women can now be "eye candy". Paying someone more or less because of their sex becomes an antiquated notion banished to the past.

Time to finally print-out my ultimate female shopping list and invest everything in those items -- corsets, padded panties, enhanced bustlines, makeup, a good hairstylist, and tons and tons of pretty dresses.

When I awoke from the nap, I began putting everything down on paper and listing all the pros and cons. Decided the biggest con at the moment is announcing all this on April Fools Day, April 1. No one would believe any of this -- it would all be a joke. So I'll have to take everything off the table and decide later if and when I am going to announce my political intentions.

So in the meantime, you didn't read a thing here. Ssh! It never happened.

Kelli

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Beauty Pageant Tempest in a C Cup


I was totally thrilled a few weeks ago when I read that a transexual woman was going to participate in the Miss Canada contest. To borrow a cigarette slogan, you've come a long way baby. Jenna Talackova is the woman's name, and she is definitely "a looker", a stunning beauty who looks like she belongs in a beauty contest.

Fact of the matter, she has been participating in various TG/TS contests and has obviously been wowing the audience and judges. As we say in the music business, she could be the next big crossover artist (no pun intended), and I was thrilled and excited that the day had finally come for such an event to take place.

Then came the bad news -- according to THE RULES, you have to be a genetic born woman. Jenna is missing that part of the chromosonal equation, and, thus, has been disqualified. I am very disappointed for her, but would like to offer some humble thoughts.

First, the Miss Canada pageant has that rule. That is their right. All contests have the right to set their rules on participant qualifications, rules on the competition, and prohibitions on what the contestants may and may not do.

However, if I were an apprentice, I would suggest to Mr. Trump (the guy who owns the contest) that he consider changing the rules. If he doesn't, I'll bet someone else starts their own contest that allows genetic women, transexuals, and cross dressers all to compete for the most beautiful. Think how exciting that would be. Jenna Talackova has already proved she has the looks to pull it off, and I know there are others who could do the same. Everyone winks and nudges during the traditional beauty pageants about the contestant's "enhancements" and "tricks of the trade". At least transexuals are honest about the work they have had done. And who hasn't been fooled about seeing a feminine beauty that turned out to be a man. It's happened to me, and I work hard on trying to be able to pull-off that look myself.

I enjoy watching beauty pageants. I've enjoyed fantasizing about participating in a beauty pageant for ages. Seeing another transgendered person in a traditional beauty pageant would be a source of pride for the entire TG community, especially for those of us who could never do it ourselves.

Kelli

Friday, March 16, 2012

Shameless Self-Promotion


Speaking honestly, I'm probably guilty of self-promotion most of the time on this blog. However, this instance will be openly and shamelessly a study in self-promotion.

Today is the second anniversary of this little blog. Yay! (Toots horn and throws confetti) I know it's not much of a blog, but it has lasted two years longer than I thought it would when I first started writing, and it actually has followers. In fact, it was about eight days after my first post that I got my first follower. Thank-you for reading and I hope you find something interesting and/or helpful that you can use in your daily life.

To celebrate the anniversary, please enjoy this animated gif of me dancing as a woman (as referenced when I got my first follower of this blog). Elaine Benes, eat your heart out!

Kelli

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Tuesday Odds & Ends


Things have been rather quiet this week around the Robert's estate. It's the only mansion in town where the lady of the manor (me) also likes to be the maid. The staff is sworn to secrecy. I'm never bothered when driven into town by my chauffeur. Who's gonna mess with a millionaire crossdresser?

I was channel surfing Tuesday and came across Caso Cerrado Edicion Estelar on the Telemundo network. I can't speak Spanish, but deduced that it is a court show, something along the lines of The People's Court. This particular episode featured a couple of very attractive transgendered "ladies". If anyone knows what was happening, please drop us a comment.

Speaking of television, most folks are amused or bemused about the various drugs that are now advertised. It's not so much the drugs themselves as the side effects that must be legally declared in the ad. For example, an innocent advertisement for a cold and allergy pill may contain a side effects disclaimer stating that the drug may cause sleepiness, excitability, high blood pressure, headaches, upset stomach, ingrown toenails, and temporary loss in ability to tap dance. Many times I see those possible side effects and decide I will not even try the drug (I don't use many drugs anyway).

Today's drug that I saw advertised for the first time was for a testosterone gel cream for men. I'm no doctor (although I do like dressing as a nurse), but I would think one side effect or primary effect of that stuff would be to make something about the user more manly. That's the most hideous side effect I've come across yet!

Although I have not seen these advertised on television, I understand that there are female hormone creams and gels for women. Some transgenders may use them, I don't know. I do know that until they carry a warning label stating CAUTION: May lead to pregnancy in men I will probably not be buying that product either.

As we use to say in the 70's (that's 1970's, thank you very much!) Keep on trucking! Three more days to Friday!

Kelli

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Gospel vs. The Church

I'm a conservative Christian. I guess you could call that a label that is applied to a select group of people in this country. The "conservative" part of that label comes from other people who know what I believe and have labeled such beliefs as conservative. For example, I believe the Bible is the inspired, authorized Word of God; that there is actual, physical evil in the world authored and instigated by the creature known as the devil (Satan); that our God is a God of love (along with other attributes) who offers His love and care to those who willingly accept it; and that the job of the church is to carry out what is known as the Great Commission.

Now the Great Commission states that the church is to go out into the entire world and tell everyone about the Gospel story and of God's love (which is portrayed throughout the Gospel). Now this is a pretty big task. We are to take the Gospel everywhere -- throughout all the continents, all the countries in those continents, all the states and provinces and prefectures in those countries, all the cities and towns in those states and provinces and prefectures, and every last square inch of territory that we can get too. Why? Because the Gospel is good news and love. Everyone needs to hear about that. It is designed for our good and benefit.

So if the Gospel is to be spread everywhere to everyone, then that means it is to be presented to all the transgenders, transvestites, transexuals, she-males, trannies, lesbians, gays, bi's, gender non-comformists, gender queers, etc. on the planet. It is presented to everyone as an offer. It's important and everyone needs to know about it. What you do about the Gospel of Christ is your business.

All of what I have just written is clearly expressed in the Bible, which, as I said, I believe to be the Word of God. Unfortunately, I know far too many people (one person is too many in my book) who have met with a person who called themselves "Christian" whot didn't hold such a view as to the universality of the Gospel. They might say something like You can't crossdress and call yourself a Christian. You are a sinner because of your crossdressing and God won't have anything to do with you. Such a person is entirely wrong.

First, as I have written since the early days of this little blog, crossdressing in and of itself is not a sin. Secondly, the Gospel message is to be offered to sinners. Thirdly, since we are still mortal after receiving God's gift of love and salvation, we will still sin. Salvation doesn't mean you don't sin -- it means your sins are forgiven by God.

I could very easily throw things back in the faces of folks who treat Christian crossdressers in this manner. Don't they know that bigotry is a sin. Don't they know that racism is a sin? Don't they know that withholding the Gospel message from anyone is a sin? Don't they know that causing a brother or sister in Christ to stray from their faith is a sin? Fortunately, I don't believe in "in your face" type of encounters, especially as they relate to a church setting. Bottom line is that when I step back and look at the entire situation, I see that I am in the right and justified by Christ. They are in the wrong, and I am to pray and to minister for their good and correction.

I reTweeted this morning a blurb about how a prominent atheist is urging gays, lesbians, bi"s, and transgenders to not have anything to do with organized religion as many forms of organized religion attack these groups. Those folks at the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas immediately come to mind. The folks at that particular church are wrong in their actions, Their movement never snowballed or grew to any extent. Why? God is our strength and our salvation. Those folks were never operating under God's "marching orders". If they were, you would have seen lots of other churches join them. There may be one or two out there, but I have yet to hear of any organized religious denomination support the actions of that group.

The church is not perfect. It's members are instructed, urged, and encouraged to always act in a way that points the church to perfection. I would rather do that than to tear down a God sanctioned institution whose only prescribed purpose is good and right.

Kelli

Friday, March 2, 2012

Smart Women are Great


I've probably mentioned once or twice in this blog [tongue in cheek here] that I envy women, but I've been remiss in only discussing the physical aspects of my envy. When I see a woman, I often find myself admiring her hair, makeup, or figure, and find myself wishing I could copy that aspect of her being for myself. A full head of luxurious, cascading tresses sounds much more fun than my short male $15 haircut.

Truth be told, there are many inner qualities that I admire as well, and I was reminded of that by a news story I heard today. According to press reports, a survey of UK women found the majority would be willing to lower their IQ if it meant they could have larger breasts. That's a crying shame as I find intelligent women to be very attractive.

I immediately thought of some TG fiction I had read long ago where men were transformed into busty bimbos. Is this a fantasy some women also have? This seems like a strange desire that is shared by both a segment of the female population and a segment of the crossdressing population. Is there some sort of correlation between the two groups that has not yet been studied and documented? This inquiring mind wants to know.

Most of the women I have dated through the years have been of at least average intelligence if not smarter. If they were actually smarter than they seemed and played dumb around me, I was too dumb to notice it. I remember a girlfriend's roommate that I liked a lot. She was a pretty girl-next-door type from Chicago. We were just friends. One evening she brought over a date for us to meet. He was a good guy and we all got along well. A few minutes after their arrival, the roommate began saying some really strange things that had me wondering What in the world is she thinking? She's not using her common sense. In fact, the first couple of times she said these things I laughed, thinking she was pulling my leg. She then turned doe-eyed to her date and asked him why I was being so mean to her. After they left, my girlfriend explained that the roommate really liked the guy and was playing dumb to keep him. I was amazed that the guy never realized the truth.

I consider myself to be of average intelligence. Therefore, any woman who wants to be around me and is smarter than me (or is it myself) can only enhance my self worth.

A pretty woman may catch my attention, but a smart woman is going to hold my attention. Besides, grey matter is a lousy substance for breast augmentation. Silicon is much better.

Also, in case any genetic females are reading this, I am single and available. Anyone? Hello?

Kelli

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Slap of Reality


I willingly admit that there is a certain fantasy element to most cross dressing. If what I find on the internet passes as the norm for many cross dressers, then it is safe to assume that we all have an ideal vision of what a woman should look like and what we wish we could look like. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just the nature of our transgenderism.

I have a strong ideal of what I wish to look like. I'm constantly comparing women's hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc. to my list of what I like, what I could achieve, and what I can only dream about.

With my new year's diet and exercise program, I thought I was securely planted in reality. I was overweight by both my standards and the standards of the health care industry. I began loosing weight and could scientifically document my progress using a scale, tape measure, and the new belt I had to buy last week. However, this morning I got a bruising reality check.

I had time for a full hour of exercise this morning and began with great eagerness. I use some standard exercise videos found on YouTube. They all feature the aerobics/fitness instructor leading the exercises, surrounded by several women comprising various levels of physical fitness. As the exercises became easier (due to practice), I found myself paying more attention to the women in the background. The instructor is toned, fit, and looks great, but some of the women in the background had better curves. I found their workout clothes to be cute and found myself comparing hairstyles and physiques. After a few weeks, I found myself wishing I had a figure like the woman in the teal outfit on the right side of the screen, or had a pretty smile like the woman at the very back in the black and pink outfit. Eventually, I even found myself using these women as a goal, as in "that's what I want my body to look like".

This morning, I added something new to the routine. I've been concentrating very hard on doing the exercises in a correct manner. I bought a full mirror at the store and set it up next to my computer screen so I could see myself while exercising, and compare my moves to those of the instructor. Yuck!!! That slapped me back to reality faster than a wet towel in a locker room. I realized I'm light years away from looking like the cute gal in the teal outfit, and on a practical level, I will never look like her.

The good news is that my diet and exercise will help me loose weight and improve my health. I just need to remind myself of that more often. And every little pound and inch I loose will also help me achieve a more feminine look. I just have to keep my expectations grounded in reality and know I will never be hired to be a model for Victoria's Secret.

Kelli

Monday, February 27, 2012

Improving My Femme Mind


Things have been fairly quiet in the Roberts household this past week. My diet regime continues to produce good results. My exercise routine has been sporadic at best. Here's what I've been doing.

First thing I attacked was my caloric intake. I slashed it to between 1,000 and 1,500 calories a day (roughly). On top of this, I reduced my fat intake by eating more low-fat or non-fat foods. I started eating more salads and veggies and greatly decreased my intake of meat. Last Sunday I ate a couple of burgers for lunch. That was the first red meat I'd eaten in at least a couple of weeks.

Second thing I started was exercising. I downloaded several free aerobic videos from the web, tried walking more (the cold weather hampers this at times), and started doing sit-ups.

Third was several minor changes I made to my diet. I got rid of artificial sweetners and aspertame. Once in a great while, I will have a cola sweetened with cane sugar, but I normally drink products with Splenda.

Now I'm the sort of person who would have problems strictly following all of what I have just mentioned. The beauty of what I have done is that I have not strictly followed everything listed. If I have to fudge on my diet, I try to increase my exercise. A sugary soft drink is coupled with either a good workout routine or a reduction of calories at another meal.

I've lost 25 pounds since January 1st, and approximately 30-35 pounds since Thanksgiving of last year. I'm feeling much better and hope to begin looking better too.

Speaking of looking better, for the first time in my life, I followed fashion week in New York and London via the fashion writers on the internet. It was an education, to say the least. Saw lots of pretty clothes I would love to have, and a few outfits so outrageous I think they would actually help me in passing (people would be too freaked-out by the clothes to notice the wearer). Burberry is designer clothing line? I thought it was a type of fabric.

While working hard to remove inches from parts of my body, I have found that I look better when I add inches to other parts. Had to smile when I saw a video on YouTube in which a young drag queen explained how she made foam rubber hip and seat pads. I did the same thing in my more youthful days. I've also used cotton batting with good results.

On another front, I've been surfing the web for the latest in bosom enhancement. Back in the day, I used water balloons with good results, and, no, they never burst on me. My guardian angels must have been working overtime on that. I later graduated to inexpensive silicon falsies. Using tape, I can produce a reasonable amount of cleavage, but recently wondered if anything better had come along. A Google search revealed silicon prosthetic breasts that would make any woman green with envy. The only problem is that it would cost me a kidney to buy them. I figured if I ever wanted breasts that much, I would probably be at a point of going all the way and should just plan on getting my own breasts surgically enhanced with silicon. The only other option is winning the lottery.

For the upcoming week, I haven't really been out girl watching in quite some time. Remember ladies, I'm not lusting after you -- I'm envying you.

Kelli

Friday, February 17, 2012

Discretion Is My Middle Name


Gentle Readers...

While yours truly, Miss Roberts, strives to be a paragon of virtue and diplomacy, she admits to falling short of such lofty goals as all mere mortals do, and can only claim that she does her best to follow the Golden Rule as stated in The Gospel According to Matthew 7:12. I do not like for harm or embarrassment to come my way, and do my best to make certain it does not come to others associated with me.

For example, if I was in male mode at a company meeting where everyone only knows me as a male, and someone entered who knew me in both male and female roles and decided to address me as if I was in female mode, I would die of embarrassment, not to mention be a bit peeved at the louse who displayed a complete and utter lack of manners and decorum. I'm old school in that I don't mix my public and private life, and I respect anyone who feels the same way and respect those who do not feel that way about their personal lives.

I can almost picture someone entering the company meeting room, seeing me, and blurting out Wow Kelli! You look different without the dress and wig on! You laugh, but there are truly such people out there.

I don't gossip, which means I don't talk about my cross dressing friends with my non-cross dressing friends, cross dressing friends with cross dressing friends, or non-cross dressing friends with non-cross dressing friends (does that include everyone, 'cause I'm confused now). All e-mails, letters, phone calls, and messages via carrier pigeon are held in strict confidence and shared with no one. Comments posted to my blog are not private (unless I think you might have made a mistake, in which case I will try to check with you).

There is a reason why I'm commenting on my personal privacy policy, but I'm not really at liberty to say why now. Some of us are perfectly happy in the closet. Some folks are in the closet and still anxious and nervous about it. I say don't be anxious or nervous about it. Enjoy! When you experience troubles, deal with them the best you can and move on. Anticipating a problem and developing a solution for it should it happen is more productive and less stressful too. And also remember that some of us try to "watch the backs"of friends so their lives are more peaceful.

In other news, the diet continues successfully!!! I haven't had time to exercise all week and dreaded stepping on the scales. However, I modified my diet this past week and eliminated most all the fat. The result? At the weigh-in this morning, I discovered I had lost 3 more pounds without exercise. I'm lovin' this!!! My exercise program should resume next week. I bought a sit-up bar and am looking forward to using it.

The sit-up bar just clamps to the bottom of a door and holds your feet down while you do sit-ups. I had one before and liked it very much. I thought such a gadget would be easy to find, but discovered none of the major stores in town had them. I finally phoned a sports store to see if they had them. The department clerk asked me to hold while he checked, then returned and said he couldn't find a sit-up bar, but found a chin-up bar that would do the same thing. After picturing that in my mind, I told him I was either way too tall or my legs were way too short to use that. I then carefully described what I was looking for, he checked again and found it. Success! My goodness, my legs would have to be 6 feet long to get them over a chin-up bar so I could do sit-ups.

Kelli

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day!


Happy Valentines Day to one and all. I hope your day is full of romance, sexy lingerie, and chocolates.

I always enjoy Valentines Day, even though at the moment I'm not in any sort of relationship, so today will be a bit low on the romance meter. It's always fun to wine and dine your girlfriend.

Today will also be low in the amount of sexy lingerie that comes my way. Not dating anyone, I will not see any lingerie on her, and since I am in the process of loosing quite a bit of weight, I am reluctant to buy lingerie for myself.

In baseball terms, my Valentines Day is currently 0 for 2, striking out in the areas of romance and sexy lingerie. That leaves the fail-safe area of chocolates. I'll stick to my diet, but will partake of various chocolate samples, and any girl will tell you that chocolate can make anything better.

Kelli

Sunday, February 12, 2012

The 1980s


Singer Whitney Houston passed away this weekend. She was a beautiful and talented woman whose life shouldn't have ended at such a young age. She will be missed.

Her death brought back a lot of personal memories. In the mid 80s I was midway through my college studies when Ms. Houston hit the charts. Her music was everywhere.

One evening a co-worker at my part-time job commented that she was sick and tired of Whitney. I asked why and she said it was because her music was a favorite of the drag queens in the clubs, so they played it every single night. Now I was just trying to come to terms with crossdressing, transvestism, and transexualism, etc. back in those days, so I immediately had a million questions for her, but was afraid she would think I was a crossdresser (even if I was, I didn't want her to know that). I spaced out my questions over the span of several days and discovered I was extremely close to a person who could help me.

Turns out my friend moonlighted at a costume shop in town. She did great business at Halloween, sold dance wear, theatrical makeup, and helped drag queens with their costumes. She became so popular in town that she was frequently invited to the gay clubs to watch the performances.

I made it a point to stop by her store several times and innocently inquire about makeup and stuff. Got a lot of good info, but never did confide in her that I had a femme side. It's a shame, but I was just too shy and scared back in those days. That was a long time ago, but I'll always associate Whitney's music with some very good memories.

Kelli

Friday, February 10, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In Time


I was a bit nervous about weighing this morning, but that nervousness quickly turned to excitement. This past week has been hectic, and I seriously deviated from my exercise and beauty schedule that I had started January first. I was able to stick with my diet this week, and I think that is what saved the day.

The official weigh-in showed I had lost 20 pounds since January 1st. Now in my mind I have to set the new weight as the standard I never want to exceed again, and attempt to loose another 5 pounds. I think if I can stick to my diet and resume my exercise routine this coming week, it won't take long to reach another goal.

The accompanying picture is part of my personal motivation process. I hope to look like that one day, but drawn just a little bit better.

Kelli

Friday, February 3, 2012

Diet and Exercise Report


My diet and exercise regime for the new year is progressing well. I do my best to stick to my diet every day, but when I am forced to deviate I keep a close eye on how far off course I go so I can get back on track quickly.

As for my daily exercises, I discovered doing those every day is not always the best idea. I initially set out to exercise every day of the week. On a couple of occasions I found myself having to cancel my exercises for the day. In each case, when I resumed the next day, I found the exercises easier to do and my body registered fewer sore muscles.

This week I deviated twice from my diet and exercise routine, and the scales registered the toll. Last Friday I had lost about 18 pounds since January 1st. Today I weighed and found I had gained back 3 of those pounds. Time to knuckle down and get rid of those 3 pounds again.

Kelli

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Still Dreaming


I definitely remembered this dream from last night.

In the dream, I had a girlfriend. These days, the only girlfriend I can get seems to be in my dreams. Anyway, in an unknown manner, she is slowly transforming me into a Japanese school girl. When I realize what she is doing, I protest, and she playfully tells me that if I can catch her, I can stop her.

I begin searching and chasing her all over Honolulu. Why the heck I am in Hawaii is never explained. All the while I slowly change into a Japanese school girl, becoming a young woman and having my clothes slowly morph into a school uniform. It's very bizarre.

I finally catch up to my girlfriend. She is on her motor scooter and is stopped at a busy intersection. I run into the street to confront her and demand that she change me back into a man. The only problem is that I now find my speech has been effected, and I can only speak English with a very pronounced Japanese accent.

Japanese is different from American English in that in English, foreign words usually retain the same pronunciation as practiced in their native tongue. In Japanese, foreign words are frequently modified in their pronunciation. Therefore when a Japanese speaker tries to use lots of English words, but pronounces them as they are written in Japanese, it is often confusing and useless to English speakers and listeners. That is how I find myself speaking in the dream. I know English, but must pronounce the words as if I have never spoken conversational English.

A group of young women pass by us and overhear the conversation. They call out helpful corrections to my speech as they pass by. I turn, bow, and thank them. Don't know if that is proper Japanese etiquette, but I did it in the dream. The girls laugh and continue on. Their behavior strikes me as odd, but when I turn to face my girlfriend again, she is gone.

I return home alone and enter my bedroom to find it has been decorated in typical high school girl fashion.

That's when I awoke. As I have written before, I think some dreams do have deep psychological meaning and are good for analysis. Then again, some dreams are just good entertainment, and I was thoroughly entertained by this one.

Kelli

Friday, January 27, 2012

Diet is "Die" With a "T"

Actually, the diet is going well, and I'm reasonably pleased with the results. I wish the pounds were disappearing faster, but the fact that they are going away at all is good for me.

This weight loss program has all been done on the cheap. First, I'm limiting my calorie intake with a goal of just 1,000 calories a day. That means I can eat whatever I want, but I must stop at the 1,000 calorie mark. This has also forced me to modify my meal schedule, consuming most of my calories in the first half of the day and eating light snacks in the afternoon and evening.

My exercise videos are free. I'm always amazed at what you can find on YouTube, and I found several professionally produced exercise videos. I picked the ones that interested me and concentrated on the body parts I wanted improved. The first week was a bit painful, but I faithfully exercised Monday through Friday, took the weekend off, and resumed last Monday. I started doing 30 minutes of aerobics and found myself struggling to do that much. Now I can do it pretty easily with little pain and will be expanding my aerobic time next week.

So that's diet program for free and exercise program for free.

Attitude is something I have had to work on. No matter how carefully I plan my diet, there are still evenings I find myself sitting in front of the television and thinking I'm hungry. I have a couple of moves to combat this. First, I'll get busy. I'll take care of the dishes in the kitchen sink or do some work on the computer. I'll do something to get my mind off food. The second move is all mental. Instead of feeling hunger in a negative way, I'll remind myself that what I am feeling in my stomach area is actually pounds starting to disappear and visualize my stomach transforming into a flat, sexy, waistline.

Motivation is important too. Common sense would tell you that loosing weight because it is good for your health and long life would be the best motivational factor in the world. Sadly, I have found myself needing additional motivation. My motivation is beautiful women I see in real life, on the television, and online. I even have a screensaver on my computer featuring beautiful female pictures that I have found in my web surfing that is extremely helpful. When I feel hungry at eight o'clock at night, I see a model on my computer and remind myself that if I start eating a bag of chips I will never look like her. Yes, that bag of corn chips is preventing me from looking like Shania Twain.

Next month I plan to add other aspects to my makeover. I plan to update my makeup and wardrobe by starting with books from my local library and bookstore.

I'd also like to start some voice and deportment training, but haven't been able to find anything that looks like it would be helpful. Melanie Phillips has had a voice training program for several years that I am considering. But for every honest business person like Melanie, there are fly-by-night rip-off sites. I came across a link for a professionally done feminine deportment course that sounded promising, but closer inspection raised too many red flags. For instance, the headline banners on her webpage had misspellings. That coupled with the facts that I had never heard of her or heard any testimonials from people I trust caused me to dismiss the site pretty quickly.

If there are any readers out there who have any recommendations on voice training or deportment courses (deportment means moving and acting like a woman), please drop me a line. I'd appreciate it very much. Free YouTube or courses for a price -- I'm interested in them all.

Today's official weigh-in shows I have lost 16 pounds since January 1st. Bikini season, here I come!!!

Kelli

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

January Odds and Ends


ABC-TV's "Work It" didn't work out. I'm not surprised. I never saw the show, but the whole idea stunk from the beginning. I read several stories online how various people were calling on the transgendered community to voice their dislike to ABC-TV and try to get the show off the air. Me? I took the laid-back, lazy person's course of action -- nothing. The program sounded so bad that I didn't think it would last a half dozen episodes. There are exceptions, but normally I have a pretty good track record at sensing when a television series will be a hit or a bomb. Are you reading this, ABC-TV? Call me!

It was extremely windy today here in Kelli-land. I turned on the television to watch the local news and found the female meteorologist looking pretty as ever in a short skirt (midway between the knees and hips) that offered slight glimpses of her very pretty legs. This woman is now my hero for daring to wear a short skirt on a windy day. Nay, this woman laughed at the elements, daring the wind to play havoc with her wardrobe. This woman is fearless, and I found myself briefly encouraged by her bravery until I remembered an unfortunate incident from the past involving strong winds and my wig. I guess slacks will do for me....

Downloaded some exercise videos off the web and began using them this morning. Hope the neighbors don't notice that the guy living in apartment 12 is doing the bikini ab workout. And, yes, I am feeling the burn!

Kelli

Friday, January 13, 2012

Resolution Update


We are two weeks into 2012 and I am two weeks into my diet. Things are going great. I'm doing an old fashioned "watch what you eat and count calories" diet. I refuse to eat more than 1,500 calories a day, and my goal is 1,000 calories a day.

The results? So far, I've lost 10 pounds. This is actually not all good news. I think I have a strange metabolism. I lost those 10 pounds in the first week of my diet, and have been holding steady the second week. Loosing ten pounds is nothing to me. I can do it easily. It's the succeeding pounds that require a bit more work.

Tomorrow I plan to buy a sit-up bar and some exercise videos. It's cold outside and I really have motivational deficiencies when it comes to strenuous outdoor exercises like running and biking. I want to stay indoors and concentrate on specific body areas with light exercise and aerobics. I've had a desk job for years and have found just working up a slight sweat (pardon me... ladies "glow") causes my body to resume loosing pounds.

I refuse to use weights as I don't want any muscle development. I've never had much in the muscle department and enjoy my flexibility. I want to keep all that as a basis for a more feminine look.

Also tomorrow, I plan to update my makeup collection and begin seriously experimenting with it every day. An ex-girlfriend told me the mysterious secret once of how women learn to do makeup -- practice! My basic skills are not bad, but I look forward to trying some of the new styles I've seen on various fashion web sites.

In other resolution news, I've also increased my Bible study. I'm not a "Bible thumper", but find Bible study really stimulates both the brain and the physical body.

And the decent Kelli pics will have to wait for later. I'm interested in seeing what I can do with a camera (I actually need to buy a digital camera), and if I can get a decent shot, I might actually post it.

Some of you might be thinking What?! She doesn't own a digital camera?! Everyone owns a digital camera! It's not like I'm Amish or Mennonite. I was still using film until last year when I bought a cheap cell phone that had a camera in it. I enjoy taking pictures with it, but it isn't tripod mountable and doesn't have a timer, so I want a camera dedicated to one task -- taking pictures.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Two weeks in and I'm still successful and excited about my resolutions and the progress I'm making. Two weeks is a pretty good start for me.

Kelli

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Christianity and The Cure for Cross Dressing


I don't remember if I heard this from a college professor or my therapist many years ago, but the question was asked How do you know if you need psychological counseling? The answer is When something is causing you a problem (anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, etc.).

Cross dressing use to be a problem for me. One of the most important arguments (to me, anyway) for why you shouldn't dress as the opposite sex came from the Bible. Deuteronomy 22:5, as it is frequently quoted, seems to say cross dressing is very bad. After reading the entire Bible chapter and talking to some bonafide ministers (men of the cloth, as we use to say), I came to the conclusion that cross dressing is not a sin. One of the earliest entries I wrote on this blog contained this good news.

That led me to realize that cross dressing is not a problem for me, but it continues to be a problem for people around me. I'm not talking about fellow cross dressers. I'm talking about those who insist I am committing a great sin against God when I put on my prettiest dress. I'm talking about men who wouldn't be caught dead with a strand of pink thread in their clothing or women who may wear slacks, but they are in a "feminine cut".

That lead me to the next big revelation in my life -- I have to get all these people into therapy. All these folks have a completely illogical fear and hatred of my pink angora sweater. Those poor, poor folks going through life like this! I say this with all truthful sincerity, I have sympathy on them. Why? Because they are in the wrong, being in the wrong is the same as being in sin, and sin robs us of the joy and peace that Christ wants us to have in life.

Here's an example. Has this ever happened to you. You're watching television with family or friends. Everyone seems to be enjoying the program. Someone blurts out at one point Oh! That's old so and so! Wasn't he gay? What difference does it make to the show this person is on? The actor was not portraying a homosexual. Such a topic didn't even figure into the storyline. What difference does it make if the actor is gay or not. He or she is on the show, earning a paycheck and entertaining the audience. The conversation usually continues with the loudmouth saying something derogatory and claiming to never watch the actor. There's nothing wrong in enjoying a television show, but letting illogical fear and hatred ruin that enjoyment does seem wrong.

It would be impossible to get all these people into a therapist office, and I don't know of many therapists that make house calls. That leaves little ol' me as the one with the greatest chance of having a positive influence on these folks. I do a lot of studying and praying on this matter, and try to always be careful. In all situations I try to be an "upright" person, as the Good Book might say. For those who only know me as a guy, I do my best to not give anyone an excuse to call me a lying scumbag who likes to get drunk and would stab his own mother in the back as quickly as he would stab his worst enemy. For those who know me as Kelli, I hope they have a positive impression about me (not a slut).

While doing my best to be pleasant and good company, it gives me a chance to talk about anything and everything with a Christian perspective. How do I feel about the environment? I think I have a Christian perspective on that. How will the Red Wings do this season? There is a Christian way to respond to that question. Hey, you're a Christian... what do you think about cross dressing? I think I've already said what my answer would be.

A famous minister once commented that many an average Christian, being a good example to others, has led more souls to the Lord than many an average minister in the pulpit. It all starts by changing hearts and minds one person at a time.

Oh... almost forgot. About the title of this post. Christianity in and of itself is not necessarily a cure for cross dressing. Christianity is the cure for sin, a cure we all need.

Kelli

Monday, January 9, 2012

My YouTube Page

Just added a link in the right-hand column for my YouTube page. Here I plan to add videos I find interesting and entertaining.

The first video I have on the page (actually, the only one at the moment, but that will change) is a British television documentary on the Mr. Miss Pageant held in Thailand. I know this documentary is old news to the TG community, but this was the first time I had ever seen it. It primarily follows one man from England who enters the contest in Thailand. This gentleman identifies himself as a transvestite, yet the contest is not really aimed at TVs. Most of the participants have had cosmetic surgery to the point where many live full-time as women.

However, I think the guy did a great job of impersonating a woman and looking fabulous even surrounded by contestants who were "one snip away" from becoming complete women. If you watch the entire video, I think it will be very obvious where his strengths and weaknesses were.

A couple of other items in the video blew my mind. One is a scene where he is working with a deportment coach. I've never been accused of acting extremely manly, but I am now obsessed with acting more womanly in speech and deportment. I've made it a point to begin research on that immediately.

The other item that caught my attention was the relationship with his girlfriend. He seemed to have a wonderfully sweet and understanding girlfriend, and I found myself wondering "Why can't I meet women like that?!" She's "totally cool" with his cross dressing, accompanies him to the contest in Thailand, and weathers the emotional roller coaster quite well.

I'll be on the look for other videos. Stay tuned.


Kelli

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Girly-Man Parts


Last week I had to go shopping for some new guy clothes. I'd much rather have been shopping for gal clothes, but most folks who know me prefer to see me in guy clothes. I figure that's their loss.

Was trying on suit coats and having a very hard time finding a good fit. The problem wasn't the coat length, the coat waist, or even the sleeves. The recurring problem was finding a coat that fit properly in the shoulder. For lack of a better description, most of the coats I tried on were too big in the shoulder.

Later, at home, I was thinking about my shoulders and inspected myself in the bathroom mirror. I have never had muscular or big shoulders, but noticed I didn't have narrow shoulders either. I finally decided that I have thin, non-muscular shoulders, and attached to them were long, non-muscular arms. In the winter months especially, I often shave my arms when I dress. No one has ever commented on my arms, but I decided my arms were fairly feminine and would look even more so with a bit of liposuction.

Like I said, no one has ever commented on my thin shoulders or tapered arms. The only comments I remember getting about being feminine were from an ex-girlfriend who frequently said I had great legs. That always made me blush.

So I am now acknowledging my girly-man parts. I'm proud of my girly-man parts. They are the parts of my body that I can easily and advantageously use to look more feminine when I want to do so, and when they are under male clothes, no one notices at all.

Will add this phrase to Kelli's Dictionary soon.

Kelli

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Time Warp Update

This science fiction stuff is becoming a reality all too fast! Recently I blogged about my desire to do some time travel. Here's a bonafide article (yes, I know it's from FOX News) about invisibility, changing the speed of light, and bending time as done recently in a scientific laboratory. I've now decided that the race is on between science perfecting DNA changes that can make me 100% female and science perfecting time travel so I can try my hand at poodle skirts and penny loafers.

Wait a minute... what if we combined time travel and cross dressing?

Kelli

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Cracking Walnuts with Sledge Hammers

WARNING: This post may or may not be politically correct.

One day my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) showed up at my front door. I opened the door and discovered she was sporting a new look -- her right arm was in a sling. I quickly ushered her inside and began asking how she hurt her arm. Did she hurt it at work? Was it broken? Etc.

She blushed a very bright red, told me she'd had an accident at home and tried to change the subject. I was too concerned to let her change the subject and eventually got the entire story from her and had a good chuckle in the process.

As it happened, she was preparing to step into her shower when a ferocious, deadly, man-eating cricket which had been hiding in the shadows attacked her, latching hold of her delicate flesh. In fear for her very life, she flayed at the cricket, eventually lost her balance, and fell. She was injured, but fortunately the cricket had been scared away and she was safe for another day.

Her story reminded me of cracking walnuts with sledge hammers -- your response to anything in life must be measured and appropriate.

So I got out of bed this morning, turned on my computer, and began checking e-mails and news from the TG community. One of the headlines involved a tampon company advertisement that, I believe, was showing in Australia. The news articles railed that these commercials were transphobic, insensitive, and should be removed immediately! I immediately pictured a large mass of cross dressers, transexuals, drag queens, and female impersonators armed with pitch forks and torches surrounding the television station, trying to break down the doors and run the monsters responsible out of town.

Thanks to the miracle of the internet, I surfed over to YouTube and found the offending ad. I must say I found it to be a good laugh to start off my day. In the ad, a young woman on the right side of the screen is in the ladies room, touching up her makeup. A taller "woman" enters on the left side. I have to admit, I wasn't certain at first who the female impersonator was, but it turns out to be the taller woman on the left. They both work on their mascara, and an unspoken contest begins -- who can be the most beautiful and most womanly woman.

They quickly touch-up their makeup, each keeping a close eye on what the other is doing. They check their outfits so they look right. They quickly adjust their boobs, all the better to be seen, my dear. And finally, the woman on the right pulls out a tampon from her purse. The "woman" on the left cannot match this move, turns, and leaves. The woman on the right won the most womanly part of the contest.

I guess the reason I was not offended at the commercial was because I readily admit I am not a woman. I would like to be a woman. I dream of being a woman. I will never be a genetic woman (unless science proves me wrong someday). No matter how many surgeries and procedures I have, my DNA will always say "male". We can carry on all day how we "feel" female or we consider ourselves "female" in our minds, but science and DNA will still say "male". That's not a criticism of anyone or an attack on anyone or anything, that is a statement of scientific fact. I may dream of being female, but I live in a place called reality.

I also laughed because the "woman" on the left displayed a manly trait that I immediately recognize as a guy thing -- trying to outdo the other guy, even if the other guy is a woman. When it comes to guys trying to outdo guys, they try to have the most manly physique, the most manly good looks, the flashiest and sportiest car, the top dog in the pecking order, etc. Here we had a "guy" trying to be a "woman", and since "she" still had this manly trait, "she" found herself trying to outdo an actual genetic woman, and the genetic woman shot him down fast. I found it very humorous.

Here's my advice on the matter -- watch the commercial yourself. If you like it, enjoy a good laugh. If you are offended, don't by their brand of tampons.

Kelli

Monday, January 2, 2012

Let the New Year Resolutions Begin!


I've started my new year resolutions for 2012. Most of them are pretty generic and attempted by lots of people, but I am very hopeful I will be able to accomplish them. Here are a few:

Loose weight. Lots of folks make this resolution every year. I have a little extra motivation as I now have a doctor telling me I should loose a few pounds. Anyway, I'm psyched about my diet. I'll basically just be cutting calories and fat plus adding a little bit more exercise. I'm not interested in speedy weight loss, just permanent weight loss.

Improve my looks. What girl doesn't want to look prettier every year?

Conquer Google+. I never signed-on to Facebook. Since I already had a blog and such with Google, I signed-on when they came out with Google+. Now I have no idea how this thing works. Any suggestions? Help!

Take some decent Kelli pictures. After loosing weight and improving my looks, I'd like some nice pictures as I really don't have any. If I don't loose weight and improve my looks, there's always Gimp.

And finally, study my Bible more. I'd like to consider myself as average when it comes to Bible knowledge, but these days the "average level" seems to be lowering itself. There's a lot of misunderstanding and downright hatred of the Bible on the internet, and I'd like very much to at least try to help these folks. There's an old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". The Bible is the same way. I want to make certain that it is out there in case someone wants a drink. If they choose not to drink, I at least tried and they at least heard the truth.

I've got a few more resolutions, but won't bore you with them for now. Check back next month and we'll see how many I've broken.

Kelli

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!


If there's one thing more futile than being a guy who wished he looked like his idea of the ideal woman, it might be the pursuance of time travel. Theoretically it seems possible, and it has been the basis of quite a few good sci-fi pictures, but apart from top secret hush-hush government labs, time travel will probably remain an unattainable possibility for the general public during my lifetime.

That's a crying shame as I don't consider my choice for a time travel trip to be that difficult. Oh sure, I might be interested in traveling back to ancient Egypt to get Cleopatra's beauty secrets, but my interests lay closer to home. I'd actually like to travel back to the first half of the 20th century right here in the good old U.S. of A. I find the years 1900 to 1960 fascinating -- the people, the lifestyles, the customs of the day, etc. There are many aspects of those years that I miss in this present day and age.

I'm not much of a nightclub kind of gal [stay with me, this is not a change of topic]. It's just not my thing, like the way some folks just don't like broccoli. Over the years, while visiting some major cities, I've gone to drag shows at various venues. Drag is not really my thing either, but I've seen some outstanding female impersonations that blew my mind. The drag queens and female impersonators often dress up like famous female celebrities and lip-synch to pre-recorded music. The dancing and artistry requires true talent. I personally don't find lip-synching to be a bonafide talent, but that's just my humble opinion. Maybe that's why I have been indifferent to such shows.

While surfing the web this afternoon, I came across several videos recorded at Finnochio's nightclub in San Francisco back in 1980. I had heard of Finnochio's and seen still photos of the performers, but had never seen any of them in action. Finnochio's featured a female impersonator revue, and the show really blew my mind. The "gals" looked glamorous, there was an interesting variety of acts, and the whole show was performed live -- the impersonators did their own singing with a live band accompanying them. Now that took a whale of a lot of talent!

Unfortunately, the Finnochio's era was slightly before my time. I believe the place closed in 1993, but I was no where near San Francisco back then, and the only information I had was from a few magazines that the general public didn't read. The internet that we know and love today didn't exist back then.

Go to the YouTube web page and search for "Finnochios". The videos I am referencing are from 1980 and there are 8 or 9 parts, each 10 to 15 minutes in length. I found them very entertaining with a style of glamour that is not available here in 2012. The comments from some of the performers are priceless.

After building that time machine I'll need to buy a fancy dress from Hudson's Department Store, meet my friends for dinner, then pile into my little Nash-Rambler and head for Finnochio's. Sounds like a fun evening.

Kelli