Wipeout!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts this past month.  Late summer activities and vacations and family and work and..., well, you get the idea, kept me plenty busy.  On top of that, I suffered a wipeout in my internet surfing.

I've been knocked off the internet before, but never with such a perfect storm that sent a tsunami-type wave that knocked me off my internet surfing board into a senseless drift of odd bytes and file fragments and onto a deserted island of no internet access. I spent a week marooned with no e-mail, no Twitter, no blogs, and no spam.  Actually, you can forget about the spam.  I can't stomach it and it's bad for my waistline anyways.

I made a rescue flag from my bikini top (okay, a small rescue flag), then sat down on the beach to work on my tan and watch for rescue boats.  The flag alone didn't help much.  I ended up having to frantically jump and down and wave my arms anytime a ship passed, but the first time I did so I got an immediate response.  Now I'm back in the civilized world and fully plugged into the world wide web.  Ooh, the new cat videos on YouTube I missed while gone!

Seriously, it was a 1-2 punch.  First I discovered I had no internet access.  I spent a couple of days checking the hardware and firewalls, then admitted defeat and phoned my DSL tech support.  Immediately, I got a pre-recorded message saying there was a problem with users anti-virus software.  The software was making everyone's computers so secure from internet viruses and hackers that the computers were now unable to connect to the internet.  That's very secure, but a bit ridiculous.  The fix was to un-install the anti-virus software and install the updated version.  I did so.  Once it was completed, I turned off the computer, grabbed my purse, and headed to work.

All day long at work I couldn't wait to get home and get back on the internet.  (Withdrawal symptoms?  Couldn't be!)  I work for an employer where nothing is secret, so I can't go near anything remotely TG or "questionable" on my work computers.  It's not that I work in a high security-type place, it's just that I have a super nosey and suspicious computer tech co-worker.  This guy set up an open Wi-Fi network strictly for employee use on their free time, and the first time I used it I found someone trying to hack into my personal computer.  Talk about "Big Brother"!

Anyway, I returned home, slipped into something more comfortable, hit the on button (on the computer, thank you very much!), logged onto the internet, and got nothing.  Zip!  Zero!  Zilch!  I spent the next day trying to connect to the internet.  This time I tried re-booting in safe mode and even bought a new ethernet connector.  Still nothing.  I decided to phone tech support again and did so the next day only to discover my telephone was dead.  My telephone is an old-fashioned land line but is connected to DSL.  After I had downloaded the new software and gone to work, we had heavy thunderstorms move through the area and knocked down the phone lines on my block.  Girl, did I feel stupid!!!

So now I'm back surfing the internet and trying hard to update my blog more often.  Also, in case I am ever hit by a tsunami again and forced to make a rescue flag, I am switching to one-piece internet-surfing-swimsuits.  Wait a minute... I just noticed a problem with that plan.

Kelli

Keepin' It Girly

I've got lots of secret girly reminders surrounding me on a daily basis.  For example, heaven help me if a stranger picks up my cell phone.  I currently have this cute gif as the wallpaper reminding myself to stop and smell the coffee.  Doing so en femme is even nicer.

My computer at home is equipped with a couple of desktops.  One features girly and transgender themes, the other is boring guy colors and designs.  My favorite Ranma 1/2 gif of Ranma being doused with cold water would probably invoke too many questions when the parson comes for a visit.  However, Windows "dessert" color theme screams generic guy computer.

Mom always told me to make certain to wear clean underwear in case you are involved in a traffic accident.  I'm not certain which would raise more questions -- being in an accident while wearing 2 day old underwear, or wearing satin pink heart panties trimmed in lace.  Either way, I prefer the second.

Sometimes my girlish ways are discovered.  I once had to visit a doctor and absent mindedly shaved my legs the night before.  The problem was an ingrown toenail.  I realized what I had done when the doctor asked me to remove my shoe and sock.  He examined my foot, noticed the lack of hair, and raised my pant leg.  Do you shave your legs? he asked.  I tried to act as confident as possible.  Of course I do.  Is there anything wrong?  The doctor assured me nothing was wrong and wrote a prescription.  Thank heavens I didn't need an injection in the rear.  I probably would have passed out and the doctor would have used my cell phone to call a friend to come get me.  See gif above....

Still, in all the years I've been doing this, I have yet to really been called out.  Keep it girly, friends.  It's better than any alternative out there.

Kelli

Vacation Time!

Merciful heavens!  Due to other people's vacations, I am in dire need of a vacation!  I feel bad for not updating my little blog in over a month, but it seems everyone at my place of employment decided to vacation in June.  That left little ol' me to fill-in and cover for all my fellow employees, working my fingers to the bone, all under the compassionate gaze of my slaver-driver boss.  I ended up with only bony fingers to show for my dedication, good work ethic, and honesty.  A pay raise is what I would have preferred, but in my line of work they don't give out pay raises for being a good employee.  On a side note, bright red nail polish seems to make your fingers look even bonier.


Now that we are in July and the middle of summer vacation season here in the states, I can't imagine a repeat of June, but you never know.  I'm almost afraid to ask for a week of vacation because of the possibility of denial of request.  I mean, the only reason they could deny my request is because they are expecting a repeat of June.  That would crush my spirit.  Did everyone get an extra week of vacation and I missed the memo?


I shouldn't complain too much about my job, referred to affectionately as "the salt mine".  Gender dysphoria has permeated all aspects of my life to one degree or so, and sometimes dreams and fantasy are mistakenly compared to reality.  Lots of people would say I have a very nice job, and when the facts are considered, they are correct.  But in my dreams, I would much rather be a runway model for the house of Chanel, and that job trumps most any male job imaginable.


I'll try to do better at blogging.  FYI I also enjoy Tweeting now and frequently retweet interesting items that can be found in the right-hand column of my blog.  I normally tweet or retweet several times a day, so if you see something interesting, please check back often.  I put a lot of time and effort into selecting the proper heels for Tweeting, so I take it pretty seriously.


Kelli

Notes from the Home

Made some major decisions this afternoon while taking my usual Sunday afternoon siesta. First, I've decided to make a future run for the White House, and I figure the sooner the better.

Before I do that, I'll need to start living as a woman full time. At the very least, that will involve dressing and acting as a woman 24/7. I'm not certain I am ready to sacrifice any male body parts on the altar of U.S. politics, although many candidates seem to do that everyday.

Plan to pick and choose what I like from all the political parties, then call it my own platform. If anyone says I can't run as a woman because it says "male" on my birth certificate (which I can produce), I'll plead for public sympathy. People will realize it isn't fair that I am being attacked by my opponents simply because they don't like the way I dress. I'll win the election in a landslide.

Once I'm in the White House, I'll push legislation allowing crossdressing within the limits of good taste. I'll set a personal example by being very fashionable. The reporters will liken me to a modern-day Jackie Kennedy, I'll look so good, and Joan Rivers will find herself doing daily White House fashion critiques.

The major fashion designers will start seeking my measurements in the hopes that they can design beautiful dresses that I will wear on official business to other nations and puttering around the good old U.S. of A. Soon, knock-offs of these designer threads will start appearing at local moderately-priced department stores so the average man on the street can begin experimenting with this new fashion fad. Husbands and wives can begin trading and experimenting on each other with the latest makeup products and applications. The economy will boom over increased sales related to this new-found freedom in dress.

The uproar of transgenders in the "wrong" restroom will be silenced. If everyone is wearing traditional female fashion and minding their manners, how can you truly accuse someone of being in the wrong restroom.

In the business place, paying someone less money just because they were hired as "eye candy" looses some of its motivation as both men and women can now be "eye candy". Paying someone more or less because of their sex becomes an antiquated notion banished to the past.

Time to finally print-out my ultimate female shopping list and invest everything in those items -- corsets, padded panties, enhanced bustlines, makeup, a good hairstylist, and tons and tons of pretty dresses.

When I awoke from the nap, I began putting everything down on paper and listing all the pros and cons. Decided the biggest con at the moment is announcing all this on April Fools Day, April 1. No one would believe any of this -- it would all be a joke. So I'll have to take everything off the table and decide later if and when I am going to announce my political intentions.

So in the meantime, you didn't read a thing here. Ssh! It never happened.

Kelli

Shameless Self-Promotion

Speaking honestly, I'm probably guilty of self-promotion most of the time on this blog. However, this instance will be openly and shamelessly a study in self-promotion.

Today is the second anniversary of this little blog. Yay! (Toots horn and throws confetti) I know it's not much of a blog, but it has lasted two years longer than I thought it would when I first started writing, and it actually has followers. In fact, it was about eight days after my first post that I got my first follower. Thank-you for reading and I hope you find something interesting and/or helpful that you can use in your daily life.

To celebrate the anniversary, please enjoy this animated gif of me dancing as a woman (as referenced when I got my first follower of this blog). Elaine Benes, eat your heart out!

Kelli

Tuesday Odds & Ends

Things have been rather quiet this week around the Robert's estate. It's the only mansion in town where the lady of the manor (me) also likes to be the maid. The staff is sworn to secrecy. I'm never bothered when driven into town by my chauffeur. Who's gonna mess with a millionaire crossdresser?

I was channel surfing Tuesday and came across Caso Cerrado Edicion Estelar on the Telemundo network. I can't speak Spanish, but deduced that it is a court show, something along the lines of The People's Court. This particular episode featured a couple of very attractive transgendered "ladies". If anyone knows what was happening, please drop us a comment.

Speaking of television, most folks are amused or bemused about the various drugs that are now advertised. It's not so much the drugs themselves as the side effects that must be legally declared in the ad. For example, an innocent advertisement for a cold and allergy pill may contain a side effects disclaimer stating that the drug may cause sleepiness, excitability, high blood pressure, headaches, upset stomach, ingrown toenails, and temporary loss in ability to tap dance. Many times I see those possible side effects and decide I will not even try the drug (I don't use many drugs anyway).

Today's drug that I saw advertised for the first time was for a testosterone gel cream for men. I'm no doctor (although I do like dressing as a nurse), but I would think one side effect or primary effect of that stuff would be to make something about the user more manly. That's the most hideous side effect I've come across yet!

Although I have not seen these advertised on television, I understand that there are female hormone creams and gels for women. Some transgenders may use them, I don't know. I do know that until they carry a warning label stating CAUTION: May lead to pregnancy in men I will probably not be buying that product either.

As we use to say in the 70's (that's 1970's, thank you very much!) Keep on trucking! Three more days to Friday!

Kelli

January Odds and Ends

ABC-TV's "Work It" didn't work out. I'm not surprised. I never saw the show, but the whole idea stunk from the beginning. I read several stories online how various people were calling on the transgendered community to voice their dislike to ABC-TV and try to get the show off the air. Me? I took the laid-back, lazy person's course of action -- nothing. The program sounded so bad that I didn't think it would last a half dozen episodes. There are exceptions, but normally I have a pretty good track record at sensing when a television series will be a hit or a bomb. Are you reading this, ABC-TV? Call me!

It was extremely windy today here in Kelli-land. I turned on the television to watch the local news and found the female meteorologist looking pretty as ever in a short skirt (midway between the knees and hips) that offered slight glimpses of her very pretty legs. This woman is now my hero for daring to wear a short skirt on a windy day. Nay, this woman laughed at the elements, daring the wind to play havoc with her wardrobe. This woman is fearless, and I found myself briefly encouraged by her bravery until I remembered an unfortunate incident from the past involving strong winds and my wig. I guess slacks will do for me....

Downloaded some exercise videos off the web and began using them this morning. Hope the neighbors don't notice that the guy living in apartment 12 is doing the bikini ab workout. And, yes, I am feeling the burn!

Kelli

Cracking Walnuts with Sledge Hammers

WARNING: This post may or may not be politically correct.

One day my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) showed up at my front door. I opened the door and discovered she was sporting a new look -- her right arm was in a sling. I quickly ushered her inside and began asking how she hurt her arm. Did she hurt it at work? Was it broken? Etc.

She blushed a very bright red, told me she'd had an accident at home and tried to change the subject. I was too concerned to let her change the subject and eventually got the entire story from her and had a good chuckle in the process.

As it happened, she was preparing to step into her shower when a ferocious, deadly, man-eating cricket which had been hiding in the shadows attacked her, latching hold of her delicate flesh. In fear for her very life, she flayed at the cricket, eventually lost her balance, and fell. She was injured, but fortunately the cricket had been scared away and she was safe for another day.

Her story reminded me of cracking walnuts with sledge hammers -- your response to anything in life must be measured and appropriate.

So I got out of bed this morning, turned on my computer, and began checking e-mails and news from the TG community. One of the headlines involved a tampon company advertisement that, I believe, was showing in Australia. The news articles railed that these commercials were transphobic, insensitive, and should be removed immediately! I immediately pictured a large mass of cross dressers, transexuals, drag queens, and female impersonators armed with pitch forks and torches surrounding the television station, trying to break down the doors and run the monsters responsible out of town.

Thanks to the miracle of the internet, I surfed over to YouTube and found the offending ad. I must say I found it to be a good laugh to start off my day. In the ad, a young woman on the right side of the screen is in the ladies room, touching up her makeup. A taller "woman" enters on the left side. I have to admit, I wasn't certain at first who the female impersonator was, but it turns out to be the taller woman on the left. They both work on their mascara, and an unspoken contest begins -- who can be the most beautiful and most womanly woman.

They quickly touch-up their makeup, each keeping a close eye on what the other is doing. They check their outfits so they look right. They quickly adjust their boobs, all the better to be seen, my dear. And finally, the woman on the right pulls out a tampon from her purse. The "woman" on the left cannot match this move, turns, and leaves. The woman on the right won the most womanly part of the contest.

I guess the reason I was not offended at the commercial was because I readily admit I am not a woman. I would like to be a woman. I dream of being a woman. I will never be a genetic woman (unless science proves me wrong someday). No matter how many surgeries and procedures I have, my DNA will always say "male". We can carry on all day how we "feel" female or we consider ourselves "female" in our minds, but science and DNA will still say "male". That's not a criticism of anyone or an attack on anyone or anything, that is a statement of scientific fact. I may dream of being female, but I live in a place called reality.

I also laughed because the "woman" on the left displayed a manly trait that I immediately recognize as a guy thing -- trying to outdo the other guy, even if the other guy is a woman. When it comes to guys trying to outdo guys, they try to have the most manly physique, the most manly good looks, the flashiest and sportiest car, the top dog in the pecking order, etc. Here we had a "guy" trying to be a "woman", and since "she" still had this manly trait, "she" found herself trying to outdo an actual genetic woman, and the genetic woman shot him down fast. I found it very humorous.

Here's my advice on the matter -- watch the commercial yourself. If you like it, enjoy a good laugh. If you are offended, don't by their brand of tampons.

Kelli

November Updates

Sorry for not posting much lately. I've been in mourning for my Detroit Tigers.... Only time can heal that loss....

Speaking of baseball (and professional sports in general), I recently became aware of the great inroads women have made in the area of sports apparel. When I was younger, sports apparel was made and marketed towards men. When women wanted to wear a sports jersey, they usually had to buy one made for the guys or borrow one from their boyfriend or husband. Those dark, caveman days have come to a close. I found all sorts of cute and feminine clothes in the professional sports gift shops. To ease my pain over the Tigers, I'm planning to order some Red Wings merchandise to see me through the winter, and no, I will not be ordering the Red Wings bikini.


Point of clarification -- I'm not a big ol' jock. I'm closer in size to the cheerleaders, and quite proud of that fact, thank-you very much.


Yesterday, while doing a little shopping, I saw some television sets displaying an episode of The Doctors. I've never really seriously watched the program although it looks like an interesting show. This particular episode was about the headline some time ago about a man giving birth to a child. The man was a female-to-male transexual. I'm assuming this person was in the process of transitioning when he got pregnant, and then finished transitioning as he looked very manly on the program. The volume was not on, so I could only see the video.
At one point, the cute doctor (don't know her name, but she's an OB/GYN) used a large computer video screen to show the effects of testosterone on the female body. A 3-D female body appeared on the screen, followed by a hypodermic needle that was labeled testosterone. As I said, I couldn't hear what they were saying. The model was injected and the camera zoomed to her face where she began growing whiskers. I'm assuming this is one of the first effects of testosterone. Then there was a cut-away view of the skull and the brain was highlighted. I don't know what testosterone does to the female brain, but I imagine it shrinks it down to the average male size and IQ. It was then that I remembered I wanted to buy a new pair of house slippers and began aimlessly wandering off in that general direction.


Television is not only very education, but it can be very entertaining for my autogynephilia. One of the Hispanic television networks is constantly airing a particular Snickers candy commercial. I don't speak Spanish and don't know very many famous Hispanic television stars, but the commercials are very similar to the ones that air here in the states. In the commercial, a young woman wearing a short orange dress and dark leggings is on a bicycle at a bike/skate park. She yells out to her friends, then pushes off, zooming down to the bottom of the pool where she looses her balance and falls off the bike. She sits on the pavement for a moment complaining about the pain while her two friends stand over her. She stands and is obviously annoyed at their lack of sympathy. One friend hands her a Snickers. She takes a bite, and the next time you see her, it is a guy wearing an orange shirt and dark pants.


It's a cute advertising campaign for the candy company, but if their candy bars could really change you from a woman back into a man, I would seriously consider never eating another one again.


Kelli

On Being Lara Croft

Time for a quick strange dream update....


I have an iGoogle homepage that I enjoy very much. I've got some fashion news gadgets, weather and e-mail gadgets, and some cute artwork gadgets to keep me informed and entertained. It has a calendar and a calculator (which is never used), and a love thought for the day. I don't change the gadgets very often, but the iGoogle page is customizable with various themes, and I like to change the theme from time to time.


My current theme is a Lara Croft theme. Lara is a character from the Tomb Raider video game series. I have never played any of the Tomb Raider games (a fact many younger readers find hard to believe), but I have seen many pictures of Lara. She is a knock-out of a woman who likes action and adventure and could easily kick my tail if I were to meet her in person. Beautiful, a state often identified as feminine, and tough, a state often identified as male, when combined in one person is certain to attract my eye every time.


Lately, I have not been sleeping well, and was extra tired when I went to bed last night. I dreamed last night that I was Lara Croft. Not being familiar with the various Tomb Raider storylines, the dream was mostly various action adventure scenes in which I, as Lara Croft, found myself racing cars, diving off boats, hang gliding, and such. I had a blast in the dream and awoke somewhat out of breath.


Some folks have criticized the Lara Croft character as being an imaginary character whose looks are unattainable for the average woman. The average woman is unable to attain Lara's beauty. The average woman is unable to have shapely legs like Lara. The average woman would find it difficult to daily manage life with a figure like Lara's body dimensions. I feel I can now safely say that I just spent a night as Lara Croft, and had no problem with my breasts getting in my way.


Kelli

My Pen Ran Out of Ink

Uh, yeah.... Sorry for the lack of entries lately, but that's my story and I'm sticking with it!

Good heavens, I have been so busy lately. My days have run from eight in the morning to past midnight, and I feel like I have constantly been running like a madwoman. My favourite heels are about an inch shorter due to all the wear and tear. Of course, that still leaves about four inches of heel left.... Okay, I'm joking about the heels I wear. If my mother ever caught me in heels that high she would kill me. Afterwards, she would probably later dis-member my body and quietly dispose of the evidence if I was also wearing a dress, but that is another story. I always wear sensible heels and have even been known to wear flats, which, in my opinion, definitely separates me (autogynephiliac) from crossdressers.

I wanted to make a quick post about Halloween, which I am very excited about as I actually have plans for a night out this year. I've been living the life of a hermit the past few years (an attractive female hermit, but still a hermit), and haven't done anything on Halloween. This is the unofficial crossdresser's national holiday! If I can't dress on this day, then there is something wrong with the good old U.S. of A.

Now don't forget, in the profile to the side, I state that I am a conservative Christian, and that stands 24/7. I'll be out with friends enjoying a moderately quiet evening. I haven't worked out all the details of what I will be wearing, but there will be nothing exposed that shouldn't be, and no garb that others might find offensive. My ultimate dream is to go as Elvira, but will be unable to pull that off this year.

I've known many crossdressers who have told me that one of their biggest thrills in their younger days was dressing as a girl for Halloween and going trick or treating with parents and siblings. I've had strong fantasies, dreams, and desires of being a woman ever since I was young, say 5 or 6 years old. But I never dressed as a girl for Halloween when I was a kid. I'm not sure why that was. Frankly, I don't think I even considered the idea. I seemed content to daydream of being a girl, play in my mother's old clothes when no one was looking, but never to ask to dress like a girl on the one day of the year when most folks would have thought nothing about it. Currently I wonder if this might be due more to autogynephilia than to classic crossdressing or transvestism. As it is, I have a lot of lost time to make up for.

Still, those heels will have to be a moderate height. Mom may have raised me as a boy, but she raised me with values and morals so that whether guy or gal, I knew what she expected of me.

Kelli Y

In The Future, It's Already Been Invented

Matter is to anti-matter as The Flintstones are to The Jetsons. I've been looking to the past and present for what needs to be invented, however today is tomorrow's yesterday and I think we are on the verge of some great breakthroughs.

I saw this gag only once on The Jetsons, but it stuck with me. They had an automatic closet that would dress you for the day ahead. You can probably guess what happened. George Jetson, the father, stepped into the automatic closet. The machine was not working properly, and George ended up dressed in his wife's outfit. He didn't look very pretty, but with a little bit of tweaking in the machinery, I think it has promise for our select group.

A pretty gal I use to date was a major "Trekkie" and would drag me to all the Star Trek movies. In one movie, the crew of the spaceship Enterprise boldly traveled back in time to present day earth. The doctor found himself in one of our "antiquated" hospitals where he gave a sick woman a pill to take and she grew a new pair of kidneys. I found myself wondering if they made pills that helped you grow other things....

It seems that in the future cyborg bodies (part human, part machine) are very popular. Your Ghost In The Shell could find it's shell as curvy and feminine as you've ever dreamed it could be. Brain transplants are also possible, but many of the surgeons are a bit mad and could really stand some brain work themselves. I do not recommend this course of action in the future.

More freedom and acceptance of individual dress habits, perfection of human interaction with virtual environments, elimination of ignorance and hate, and the electrification of the rural south I believe are just a few of the things we should look towards in the future. Be patient, my friends and sisters, the future will be here eventually.

Kelli

Can't Wait Until It's Invented!

I remember many years ago, as a child, watching The Flintstones on television. It was a cartoon about a prehistoric family that lived a surprisingly modern life. For example, they had a garbage disposal in the kitchen sink. The gag was that it was actually a wart hog that lived under the sink that ate the garbage. Hey, it's a living.

Another gag they frequently used was someone needing something that had not yet been invented, and that person saying they were looking forward to someone inventing it. I told a group of kids once that when I was a kid, you would often find us on a hot summer day sitting on the porch, bored silly, because video games had not yet been invented, and we couldn't wait for someone to invent them. My sense of humor was never recognized by those kids.

However, I have recognized the possibilities of deciding what future items need to be invented, and offer some TG specific ideas:

We'll start with undergarments. I was shocked the first time I saw an advertisement for Hanes Her Way or Jockey For Her. Every guy knew these brand names, but certainly never associated them with female underwear. The product seems to be very popular, and no one these days gives this a second thought. It seems safe to now suggest that someone needs to invent Bali For Him and Playtex His Way. The marketing possibilities are endless. Next door to every Victoria's Secret, we could have a new store called Victor's Secret.

How about some shoes. I personally don't have very much trouble finding women's shoes that fit, but have seen one specific type of shoe that I really want. It's those specially designed sneakers designed to firm and tone the legs and butt. I want my legs and butt (especially the butt) to look more like those of the female models who sell the shoes. I challenge Madison Avenue to hire a male model, have him use those shoes religiously for six months, and show me if they will do what I want them to do. Then, I will happily pay $75 for a pair of sneakers.

It seems using makeup on a super model is like adding a four-barrel carburetor to the rockets on the space shuttle. She already has a natural beauty that most of us guys would kill for. Put one of us in that beautician's chair and slather on the moisturizers, the skin toners, the cleansers. Wax, tweeze, cut, and perm our hair until perfect. Show me a make-up color palette that would put a rainbow to shame. Make-up that could actually improve my face is the make-up I want.

And speaking of make-up, in my early days, I was known to use a little too much of the good stuff. Imagine the laugh I got when I saw an infomercial on television for an air-brush make-up applicator. Sounds like a great idea, but too dainty for the average Joe (or Josie). My designs call for a standard paint-gun sprayer hooked up to a moderately sized air compressor. Tape off the areas where you do not want to apply any makeup, fire-up the compressor, and let it go! [NOTE: Do not try this at home. Let someone who claims to be a trained professional try it first. If they survive, then maybe consider it....]

These are just a few of my ideas. However, I freely put them out there to the general public in case some free-thinking entrepeneur/inventor has the ability to take the ideas from the drawing board to the finished product. I look forward to a future date when I look back in time and think I remember when I wished someone would invent that.

Kelli

Personal Spring Wardrobe Notes

This post will fulfill something of a dream I have had for years. I've read many fine cross dressing magazines over the years, and many of them had very good advice columns pertaining to makeup and fashion. Friends have told me that I do pretty well on both fronts. I have to study and work hard at makeup, but when it comes to fashion, I'm pretty good at dressing like a normal woman. At home, I don't dress like June Cleaver or a fantasy French maid, but if the occasion calls for feminine slacks and a nice blouse, that is what I will wear. If the occasion calls for a dress, that is what I will wear. I don't own any haute coture. I think you get my point.

So I have never really needed much fashion advice, and have never really given (or been asked to give) any fashion advice, which is okay because I thought everything that needed to be said on the subject had already been said or written. Today changed all that, and I found an area of fashion decorum that needed my two cents.

I live in a moderately-sized town in the U.S.A. which is located in a region referred to as "tornado alley". This region of the country experiences more tornadoes and severe weather during the spring months than any other region of the U.S., and at the moment, we are at the peak of the season. I was talking with a stranger at a gas station about the weather. I figured we were just making small talk, when I saw him jump in his vehicle and discovered he was a storm chaser from a major university. These folks will travel the highways chasing tornadoes. They are normally in a convoy and will have lots of neat gizmos like computers, weather radars, satellite trucks, etc. With all this equipment, they seem very smart, and yet, they are chasing some of the most dangerous storms to hit this part of the country. If they don't have to get too close to the tornado, I suppose it would be very exciting and interesting, so naturally, I began making notes about what to wear should I ever decide to chase after a tornado.

Unfortunately, it seems the first piece of advice would be to not wear a skirt. Tornadoes are windy. It's embarrassing when a woman's skirt is blown up, but when a cross dresser's skirt is blown up, it's just gross to me. I would suggest a nice pair of slacks, or possibly, if you've got a decent shape, a cute pair of shorts. I use fanny pads, which I figure would also offer some protection from the weather elements (like if the wind knocks me flat on my a... seat).

The second piece of advice is also a bit of a downer -- wear flats, not heels. Take a look at Helen Hunt in the movie Twister. A tornado will easily catch up to you if you're running (mincing for some of us) in heels, and the added height will attract more lightening strikes. I'd go with a cute pair of sneakers, and the added running will help tone the legs and butt for when you do wear heels.

Now for the top, I'm thinking of some layering. You would want the outer layer to be a long-sleeved shirt of some sort that can easily be removed or added. The weather under a thunderstorm is often much cooler, and with the rain and strong winds, it can get downright chilly, especially compared to the warm sunshine you were in just moments ago. The inner layer needs to be very light and cool, like maybe a t-shirt, halter top, tank top, or exercise or swimsuit top. This way you can tease the world a little with "what you've got", yet keep somewhat modestly covered (Mom and Dad would be proud of their... a... child).

As for underwear, the standard crossdressing rule applies -- the sexier, the better. If a black lace push-up is all you've got, it will do just fine. A word of advice -- you might get pretty wet, so plan ahead of you want to avoid looking like you just left a wet t-shirt contest.

This will be an excellent time for your makeup skills to shine. Remember, it will probably be warm and sunny while you are out traveling, so you will want a light, minimal look to your makeup. However, once you are in the storm, it will be quite a bit darker in an atmosphere dominated by various hues ranging from blue-grey to grey with some greens thrown in for good measure. I would be packing lots of blues, grays, greens, purples, magentas, evening-type makeup, and make certain it is not only waterproof, but wind-proof as well.

It took a long time for me to summon enough courage to leave my home the first time dressed as a woman. Taking that into consideration, it will probably be a long time (if ever) before I actually consider chasing a tornado dressed as a woman, but if I do, I've got my wardrobe already selected.

Kelli

3-24-2010 Misc.

I need to mention a few odds and ends here...

1. I got my first blog follower! Yay! [Dancing as a woman at the moment, because when I dance as a man, I look like a dork.]
2. Is Larry King still alive?
3. My secret claim to fame -- I once lived next door to Barbie.
4. I'm currently following several more blogs and hope to add them to the list in the right hand column soon.
   
5. I'm trying to start the rumor that the owner of the Cadillac Ranch originally wanted to use Edsels.
6. I have never seen an episode of American Idol.
7. I'm a huge fan of Ranma 1/2. It was the first Japanese manga I read and makes me laugh out loud. I'm still searching for those cursed springs in China....
8. Did they ever find a rhyme for "orange"?
9. I enjoy dreaming of everyday life in my Maidenform Bra.
10. All the women agree -- I've got great legs!

Kelli