Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Slap of Reality

I willingly admit that there is a certain fantasy element to most cross dressing. If what I find on the internet passes as the norm for many cross dressers, then it is safe to assume that we all have an ideal vision of what a woman should look like and what we wish we could look like. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just the nature of our transgenderism.

I have a strong ideal of what I wish to look like. I'm constantly comparing women's hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc. to my list of what I like, what I could achieve, and what I can only dream about.

With my new year's diet and exercise program, I thought I was securely planted in reality. I was overweight by both my standards and the standards of the health care industry. I began loosing weight and could scientifically document my progress using a scale, tape measure, and the new belt I had to buy last week. However, this morning I got a bruising reality check.

I had time for a full hour of exercise this morning and began with great eagerness. I use some standard exercise videos found on YouTube. They all feature the aerobics/fitness instructor leading the exercises, surrounded by several women comprising various levels of physical fitness. As the exercises became easier (due to practice), I found myself paying more attention to the women in the background. The instructor is toned, fit, and looks great, but some of the women in the background had better curves. I found their workout clothes to be cute and found myself comparing hairstyles and physiques. After a few weeks, I found myself wishing I had a figure like the woman in the teal outfit on the right side of the screen, or had a pretty smile like the woman at the very back in the black and pink outfit. Eventually, I even found myself using these women as a goal, as in "that's what I want my body to look like".

This morning, I added something new to the routine. I've been concentrating very hard on doing the exercises in a correct manner. I bought a full mirror at the store and set it up next to my computer screen so I could see myself while exercising, and compare my moves to those of the instructor. Yuck!!! That slapped me back to reality faster than a wet towel in a locker room. I realized I'm light years away from looking like the cute gal in the teal outfit, and on a practical level, I will never look like her.

The good news is that my diet and exercise will help me loose weight and improve my health. I just need to remind myself of that more often. And every little pound and inch I loose will also help me achieve a more feminine look. I just have to keep my expectations grounded in reality and know I will never be hired to be a model for Victoria's Secret.


Monday, February 27, 2012

Improving My Femme Mind

Things have been fairly quiet in the Roberts household this past week. My diet regime continues to produce good results. My exercise routine has been sporadic at best. Here's what I've been doing.

First thing I attacked was my caloric intake. I slashed it to between 1,000 and 1,500 calories a day (roughly). On top of this, I reduced my fat intake by eating more low-fat or non-fat foods. I started eating more salads and veggies and greatly decreased my intake of meat. Last Sunday I ate a couple of burgers for lunch. That was the first red meat I'd eaten in at least a couple of weeks.

Second thing I started was exercising. I downloaded several free aerobic videos from the web, tried walking more (the cold weather hampers this at times), and started doing sit-ups.

Third was several minor changes I made to my diet. I got rid of artificial sweetners and aspertame. Once in a great while, I will have a cola sweetened with cane sugar, but I normally drink products with Splenda.

Now I'm the sort of person who would have problems strictly following all of what I have just mentioned. The beauty of what I have done is that I have not strictly followed everything listed. If I have to fudge on my diet, I try to increase my exercise. A sugary soft drink is coupled with either a good workout routine or a reduction of calories at another meal.

I've lost 25 pounds since January 1st, and approximately 30-35 pounds since Thanksgiving of last year. I'm feeling much better and hope to begin looking better too.

Speaking of looking better, for the first time in my life, I followed fashion week in New York and London via the fashion writers on the internet. It was an education, to say the least. Saw lots of pretty clothes I would love to have, and a few outfits so outrageous I think they would actually help me in passing (people would be too freaked-out by the clothes to notice the wearer). Burberry is designer clothing line? I thought it was a type of fabric.

While working hard to remove inches from parts of my body, I have found that I look better when I add inches to other parts. Had to smile when I saw a video on YouTube in which a young drag queen explained how she made foam rubber hip and seat pads. I did the same thing in my more youthful days. I've also used cotton batting with good results.

On another front, I've been surfing the web for the latest in bosom enhancement. Back in the day, I used water balloons with good results, and, no, they never burst on me. My guardian angels must have been working overtime on that. I later graduated to inexpensive silicon falsies. Using tape, I can produce a reasonable amount of cleavage, but recently wondered if anything better had come along. A Google search revealed silicon prosthetic breasts that would make any woman green with envy. The only problem is that it would cost me a kidney to buy them. I figured if I ever wanted breasts that much, I would probably be at a point of going all the way and should just plan on getting my own breasts surgically enhanced with silicon. The only other option is winning the lottery.

For the upcoming week, I haven't really been out girl watching in quite some time. Remember ladies, I'm not lusting after you -- I'm envying you.


Friday, February 17, 2012

Discretion Is My Middle Name

Gentle Readers...

While yours truly, Miss Roberts, strives to be a paragon of virtue and diplomacy, she admits to falling short of such lofty goals as all mere mortals do, and can only claim that she does her best to follow the Golden Rule as stated in The Gospel According to Matthew 7:12. I do not like for harm or embarrassment to come my way, and do my best to make certain it does not come to others associated with me.

For example, if I was in male mode at a company meeting where everyone only knows me as a male, and someone entered who knew me in both male and female roles and decided to address me as if I was in female mode, I would die of embarrassment, not to mention be a bit peeved at the louse who displayed a complete and utter lack of manners and decorum. I'm old school in that I don't mix my public and private life, and I respect anyone who feels the same way and respect those who do not feel that way about their personal lives.

I can almost picture someone entering the company meeting room, seeing me, and blurting out Wow Kelli! You look different without the dress and wig on! You laugh, but there are truly such people out there.

I don't gossip, which means I don't talk about my cross dressing friends with my non-cross dressing friends, cross dressing friends with cross dressing friends, or non-cross dressing friends with non-cross dressing friends (does that include everyone, 'cause I'm confused now). All e-mails, letters, phone calls, and messages via carrier pigeon are held in strict confidence and shared with no one. Comments posted to my blog are not private (unless I think you might have made a mistake, in which case I will try to check with you).

There is a reason why I'm commenting on my personal privacy policy, but I'm not really at liberty to say why now. Some of us are perfectly happy in the closet. Some folks are in the closet and still anxious and nervous about it. I say don't be anxious or nervous about it. Enjoy! When you experience troubles, deal with them the best you can and move on. Anticipating a problem and developing a solution for it should it happen is more productive and less stressful too. And also remember that some of us try to "watch the backs"of friends so their lives are more peaceful.

In other news, the diet continues successfully!!! I haven't had time to exercise all week and dreaded stepping on the scales. However, I modified my diet this past week and eliminated most all the fat. The result? At the weigh-in this morning, I discovered I had lost 3 more pounds without exercise. I'm lovin' this!!! My exercise program should resume next week. I bought a sit-up bar and am looking forward to using it.

The sit-up bar just clamps to the bottom of a door and holds your feet down while you do sit-ups. I had one before and liked it very much. I thought such a gadget would be easy to find, but discovered none of the major stores in town had them. I finally phoned a sports store to see if they had them. The department clerk asked me to hold while he checked, then returned and said he couldn't find a sit-up bar, but found a chin-up bar that would do the same thing. After picturing that in my mind, I told him I was either way too tall or my legs were way too short to use that. I then carefully described what I was looking for, he checked again and found it. Success! My goodness, my legs would have to be 6 feet long to get them over a chin-up bar so I could do sit-ups.


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day to one and all. I hope your day is full of romance, sexy lingerie, and chocolates.

I always enjoy Valentines Day, even though at the moment I'm not in any sort of relationship, so today will be a bit low on the romance meter. It's always fun to wine and dine your girlfriend.

Today will also be low in the amount of sexy lingerie that comes my way. Not dating anyone, I will not see any lingerie on her, and since I am in the process of loosing quite a bit of weight, I am reluctant to buy lingerie for myself.

In baseball terms, my Valentines Day is currently 0 for 2, striking out in the areas of romance and sexy lingerie. That leaves the fail-safe area of chocolates. I'll stick to my diet, but will partake of various chocolate samples, and any girl will tell you that chocolate can make anything better.


Sunday, February 12, 2012

The 1980s

Singer Whitney Houston passed away this weekend. She was a beautiful and talented woman whose life shouldn't have ended at such a young age. She will be missed.

Her death brought back a lot of personal memories. In the mid 80s I was midway through my college studies when Ms. Houston hit the charts. Her music was everywhere.

One evening a co-worker at my part-time job commented that she was sick and tired of Whitney. I asked why and she said it was because her music was a favorite of the drag queens in the clubs, so they played it every single night. Now I was just trying to come to terms with crossdressing, transvestism, and transexualism, etc. back in those days, so I immediately had a million questions for her, but was afraid she would think I was a crossdresser (even if I was, I didn't want her to know that). I spaced out my questions over the span of several days and discovered I was extremely close to a person who could help me.

Turns out my friend moonlighted at a costume shop in town. She did great business at Halloween, sold dance wear, theatrical makeup, and helped drag queens with their costumes. She became so popular in town that she was frequently invited to the gay clubs to watch the performances.

I made it a point to stop by her store several times and innocently inquire about makeup and stuff. Got a lot of good info, but never did confide in her that I had a femme side. It's a shame, but I was just too shy and scared back in those days. That was a long time ago, but I'll always associate Whitney's music with some very good memories.


Friday, February 10, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In Time

I was a bit nervous about weighing this morning, but that nervousness quickly turned to excitement. This past week has been hectic, and I seriously deviated from my exercise and beauty schedule that I had started January first. I was able to stick with my diet this week, and I think that is what saved the day.

The official weigh-in showed I had lost 20 pounds since January 1st. Now in my mind I have to set the new weight as the standard I never want to exceed again, and attempt to loose another 5 pounds. I think if I can stick to my diet and resume my exercise routine this coming week, it won't take long to reach another goal.

The accompanying picture is part of my personal motivation process. I hope to look like that one day, but drawn just a little bit better.


Friday, February 3, 2012

Diet and Exercise Report

My diet and exercise regime for the new year is progressing well. I do my best to stick to my diet every day, but when I am forced to deviate I keep a close eye on how far off course I go so I can get back on track quickly.

As for my daily exercises, I discovered doing those every day is not always the best idea. I initially set out to exercise every day of the week. On a couple of occasions I found myself having to cancel my exercises for the day. In each case, when I resumed the next day, I found the exercises easier to do and my body registered fewer sore muscles.

This week I deviated twice from my diet and exercise routine, and the scales registered the toll. Last Friday I had lost about 18 pounds since January 1st. Today I weighed and found I had gained back 3 of those pounds. Time to knuckle down and get rid of those 3 pounds again.