A Slap of Reality

I willingly admit that there is a certain fantasy element to most cross dressing. If what I find on the internet passes as the norm for many cross dressers, then it is safe to assume that we all have an ideal vision of what a woman should look like and what we wish we could look like. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just the nature of our transgenderism.

I have a strong ideal of what I wish to look like. I'm constantly comparing women's hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, etc. to my list of what I like, what I could achieve, and what I can only dream about.

With my new year's diet and exercise program, I thought I was securely planted in reality. I was overweight by both my standards and the standards of the health care industry. I began loosing weight and could scientifically document my progress using a scale, tape measure, and the new belt I had to buy last week. However, this morning I got a bruising reality check.

I had time for a full hour of exercise this morning and began with great eagerness. I use some standard exercise videos found on YouTube. They all feature the aerobics/fitness instructor leading the exercises, surrounded by several women comprising various levels of physical fitness. As the exercises became easier (due to practice), I found myself paying more attention to the women in the background. The instructor is toned, fit, and looks great, but some of the women in the background had better curves. I found their workout clothes to be cute and found myself comparing hairstyles and physiques. After a few weeks, I found myself wishing I had a figure like the woman in the teal outfit on the right side of the screen, or had a pretty smile like the woman at the very back in the black and pink outfit. Eventually, I even found myself using these women as a goal, as in "that's what I want my body to look like".

This morning, I added something new to the routine. I've been concentrating very hard on doing the exercises in a correct manner. I bought a full mirror at the store and set it up next to my computer screen so I could see myself while exercising, and compare my moves to those of the instructor. Yuck!!! That slapped me back to reality faster than a wet towel in a locker room. I realized I'm light years away from looking like the cute gal in the teal outfit, and on a practical level, I will never look like her.

The good news is that my diet and exercise will help me loose weight and improve my health. I just need to remind myself of that more often. And every little pound and inch I loose will also help me achieve a more feminine look. I just have to keep my expectations grounded in reality and know I will never be hired to be a model for Victoria's Secret.

Kelli

Improving My Femme Mind

Things have been fairly quiet in the Roberts household this past week. My diet regime continues to produce good results. My exercise routine has been sporadic at best. Here's what I've been doing.

First thing I attacked was my caloric intake. I slashed it to between 1,000 and 1,500 calories a day (roughly). On top of this, I reduced my fat intake by eating more low-fat or non-fat foods. I started eating more salads and veggies and greatly decreased my intake of meat. Last Sunday I ate a couple of burgers for lunch. That was the first red meat I'd eaten in at least a couple of weeks.

Second thing I started was exercising. I downloaded several free aerobic videos from the web, tried walking more (the cold weather hampers this at times), and started doing sit-ups.

Third was several minor changes I made to my diet. I got rid of artificial sweetners and aspertame. Once in a great while, I will have a cola sweetened with cane sugar, but I normally drink products with Splenda.

Now I'm the sort of person who would have problems strictly following all of what I have just mentioned. The beauty of what I have done is that I have not strictly followed everything listed. If I have to fudge on my diet, I try to increase my exercise. A sugary soft drink is coupled with either a good workout routine or a reduction of calories at another meal.

I've lost 25 pounds since January 1st, and approximately 30-35 pounds since Thanksgiving of last year. I'm feeling much better and hope to begin looking better too.

Speaking of looking better, for the first time in my life, I followed fashion week in New York and London via the fashion writers on the internet. It was an education, to say the least. Saw lots of pretty clothes I would love to have, and a few outfits so outrageous I think they would actually help me in passing (people would be too freaked-out by the clothes to notice the wearer). Burberry is designer clothing line? I thought it was a type of fabric.

While working hard to remove inches from parts of my body, I have found that I look better when I add inches to other parts. Had to smile when I saw a video on YouTube in which a young drag queen explained how she made foam rubber hip and seat pads. I did the same thing in my more youthful days. I've also used cotton batting with good results.

On another front, I've been surfing the web for the latest in bosom enhancement. Back in the day, I used water balloons with good results, and, no, they never burst on me. My guardian angels must have been working overtime on that. I later graduated to inexpensive silicon falsies. Using tape, I can produce a reasonable amount of cleavage, but recently wondered if anything better had come along. A Google search revealed silicon prosthetic breasts that would make any woman green with envy. The only problem is that it would cost me a kidney to buy them. I figured if I ever wanted breasts that much, I would probably be at a point of going all the way and should just plan on getting my own breasts surgically enhanced with silicon. The only other option is winning the lottery.

For the upcoming week, I haven't really been out girl watching in quite some time. Remember ladies, I'm not lusting after you -- I'm envying you.

Kelli

Weekly Weigh-In Time

I was a bit nervous about weighing this morning, but that nervousness quickly turned to excitement. This past week has been hectic, and I seriously deviated from my exercise and beauty schedule that I had started January first. I was able to stick with my diet this week, and I think that is what saved the day.

The official weigh-in showed I had lost 20 pounds since January 1st. Now in my mind I have to set the new weight as the standard I never want to exceed again, and attempt to loose another 5 pounds. I think if I can stick to my diet and resume my exercise routine this coming week, it won't take long to reach another goal.

The accompanying picture is part of my personal motivation process. I hope to look like that one day, but drawn just a little bit better.

Kelli

Diet and Exercise Report

My diet and exercise regime for the new year is progressing well. I do my best to stick to my diet every day, but when I am forced to deviate I keep a close eye on how far off course I go so I can get back on track quickly.

As for my daily exercises, I discovered doing those every day is not always the best idea. I initially set out to exercise every day of the week. On a couple of occasions I found myself having to cancel my exercises for the day. In each case, when I resumed the next day, I found the exercises easier to do and my body registered fewer sore muscles.

This week I deviated twice from my diet and exercise routine, and the scales registered the toll. Last Friday I had lost about 18 pounds since January 1st. Today I weighed and found I had gained back 3 of those pounds. Time to knuckle down and get rid of those 3 pounds again.

Kelli

Diet is "Die" With a "T"

Actually, the diet is going well, and I'm reasonably pleased with the results. I wish the pounds were disappearing faster, but the fact that they are going away at all is good for me.

This weight loss program has all been done on the cheap. First, I'm limiting my calorie intake with a goal of just 1,000 calories a day. That means I can eat whatever I want, but I must stop at the 1,000 calorie mark. This has also forced me to modify my meal schedule, consuming most of my calories in the first half of the day and eating light snacks in the afternoon and evening.

My exercise videos are free. I'm always amazed at what you can find on YouTube, and I found several professionally produced exercise videos. I picked the ones that interested me and concentrated on the body parts I wanted improved. The first week was a bit painful, but I faithfully exercised Monday through Friday, took the weekend off, and resumed last Monday. I started doing 30 minutes of aerobics and found myself struggling to do that much. Now I can do it pretty easily with little pain and will be expanding my aerobic time next week.

So that's diet program for free and exercise program for free.

Attitude is something I have had to work on. No matter how carefully I plan my diet, there are still evenings I find myself sitting in front of the television and thinking I'm hungry. I have a couple of moves to combat this. First, I'll get busy. I'll take care of the dishes in the kitchen sink or do some work on the computer. I'll do something to get my mind off food. The second move is all mental. Instead of feeling hunger in a negative way, I'll remind myself that what I am feeling in my stomach area is actually pounds starting to disappear and visualize my stomach transforming into a flat, sexy, waistline.

Motivation is important too. Common sense would tell you that loosing weight because it is good for your health and long life would be the best motivational factor in the world. Sadly, I have found myself needing additional motivation. My motivation is beautiful women I see in real life, on the television, and online. I even have a screensaver on my computer featuring beautiful female pictures that I have found in my web surfing that is extremely helpful. When I feel hungry at eight o'clock at night, I see a model on my computer and remind myself that if I start eating a bag of chips I will never look like her. Yes, that bag of corn chips is preventing me from looking like Shania Twain.

Next month I plan to add other aspects to my makeover. I plan to update my makeup and wardrobe by starting with books from my local library and bookstore.

I'd also like to start some voice and deportment training, but haven't been able to find anything that looks like it would be helpful. Melanie Phillips has had a voice training program for several years that I am considering. But for every honest business person like Melanie, there are fly-by-night rip-off sites. I came across a link for a professionally done feminine deportment course that sounded promising, but closer inspection raised too many red flags. For instance, the headline banners on her webpage had misspellings. That coupled with the facts that I had never heard of her or heard any testimonials from people I trust caused me to dismiss the site pretty quickly.

If there are any readers out there who have any recommendations on voice training or deportment courses (deportment means moving and acting like a woman), please drop me a line. I'd appreciate it very much. Free YouTube or courses for a price -- I'm interested in them all.

Today's official weigh-in shows I have lost 16 pounds since January 1st. Bikini season, here I come!!!

Kelli

Resolution Update

We are two weeks into 2012 and I am two weeks into my diet. Things are going great. I'm doing an old fashioned "watch what you eat and count calories" diet. I refuse to eat more than 1,500 calories a day, and my goal is 1,000 calories a day.

The results? So far, I've lost 10 pounds. This is actually not all good news. I think I have a strange metabolism. I lost those 10 pounds in the first week of my diet, and have been holding steady the second week. Loosing ten pounds is nothing to me. I can do it easily. It's the succeeding pounds that require a bit more work.

Tomorrow I plan to buy a sit-up bar and some exercise videos. It's cold outside and I really have motivational deficiencies when it comes to strenuous outdoor exercises like running and biking. I want to stay indoors and concentrate on specific body areas with light exercise and aerobics. I've had a desk job for years and have found just working up a slight sweat (pardon me... ladies "glow") causes my body to resume loosing pounds.

I refuse to use weights as I don't want any muscle development. I've never had much in the muscle department and enjoy my flexibility. I want to keep all that as a basis for a more feminine look.

Also tomorrow, I plan to update my makeup collection and begin seriously experimenting with it every day. An ex-girlfriend told me the mysterious secret once of how women learn to do makeup -- practice! My basic skills are not bad, but I look forward to trying some of the new styles I've seen on various fashion web sites.

In other resolution news, I've also increased my Bible study. I'm not a "Bible thumper", but find Bible study really stimulates both the brain and the physical body.

And the decent Kelli pics will have to wait for later. I'm interested in seeing what I can do with a camera (I actually need to buy a digital camera), and if I can get a decent shot, I might actually post it.

Some of you might be thinking What?! She doesn't own a digital camera?! Everyone owns a digital camera! It's not like I'm Amish or Mennonite. I was still using film until last year when I bought a cheap cell phone that had a camera in it. I enjoy taking pictures with it, but it isn't tripod mountable and doesn't have a timer, so I want a camera dedicated to one task -- taking pictures.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Two weeks in and I'm still successful and excited about my resolutions and the progress I'm making. Two weeks is a pretty good start for me.

Kelli

Let the New Year Resolutions Begin!

I've started my new year resolutions for 2012. Most of them are pretty generic and attempted by lots of people, but I am very hopeful I will be able to accomplish them. Here are a few:

Loose weight. Lots of folks make this resolution every year. I have a little extra motivation as I now have a doctor telling me I should loose a few pounds. Anyway, I'm psyched about my diet. I'll basically just be cutting calories and fat plus adding a little bit more exercise. I'm not interested in speedy weight loss, just permanent weight loss.

Improve my looks. What girl doesn't want to look prettier every year?

Conquer Google+. I never signed-on to Facebook. Since I already had a blog and such with Google, I signed-on when they came out with Google+. Now I have no idea how this thing works. Any suggestions? Help!

Take some decent Kelli pictures. After loosing weight and improving my looks, I'd like some nice pictures as I really don't have any. If I don't loose weight and improve my looks, there's always Gimp.

And finally, study my Bible more. I'd like to consider myself as average when it comes to Bible knowledge, but these days the "average level" seems to be lowering itself. There's a lot of misunderstanding and downright hatred of the Bible on the internet, and I'd like very much to at least try to help these folks. There's an old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". The Bible is the same way. I want to make certain that it is out there in case someone wants a drink. If they choose not to drink, I at least tried and they at least heard the truth.

I've got a few more resolutions, but won't bore you with them for now. Check back next month and we'll see how many I've broken.

Kelli