Thursday, May 27, 2010

Personal Spring Wardrobe Notes

This post will fulfill something of a dream I have had for years. I've read many fine cross dressing magazines over the years, and many of them had very good advice columns pertaining to makeup and fashion. Friends have told me that I do pretty well on both fronts. I have to study and work hard at makeup, but when it comes to fashion, I'm pretty good at dressing like a normal woman. At home, I don't dress like June Cleaver or a fantasy French maid, but if the occasion calls for feminine slacks and a nice blouse, that is what I will wear. If the occasion calls for a dress, that is what I will wear. I don't own any haute coture. I think you get my point.

So I have never really needed much fashion advice, and have never really given (or been asked to give) any fashion advice, which is okay because I thought everything that needed to be said on the subject had already been said or written. Today changed all that, and I found an area of fashion decorum that needed my two cents.

I live in a moderately-sized town in the U.S.A. which is located in a region referred to as "tornado alley". This region of the country experiences more tornadoes and severe weather during the spring months than any other region of the U.S., and at the moment, we are at the peak of the season. I was talking with a stranger at a gas station about the weather. I figured we were just making small talk, when I saw him jump in his vehicle and discovered he was a storm chaser from a major university. These folks will travel the highways chasing tornadoes. They are normally in a convoy and will have lots of neat gizmos like computers, weather radars, satellite trucks, etc. With all this equipment, they seem very smart, and yet, they are chasing some of the most dangerous storms to hit this part of the country. If they don't have to get too close to the tornado, I suppose it would be very exciting and interesting, so naturally, I began making notes about what to wear should I ever decide to chase after a tornado.

Unfortunately, it seems the first piece of advice would be to not wear a skirt. Tornadoes are windy. It's embarrassing when a woman's skirt is blown up, but when a cross dresser's skirt is blown up, it's just gross to me. I would suggest a nice pair of slacks, or possibly, if you've got a decent shape, a cute pair of shorts. I use fanny pads, which I figure would also offer some protection from the weather elements (like if the wind knocks me flat on my a... seat).

The second piece of advice is also a bit of a downer -- wear flats, not heels. Take a look at Helen Hunt in the movie Twister. A tornado will easily catch up to you if you're running (mincing for some of us) in heels, and the added height will attract more lightening strikes. I'd go with a cute pair of sneakers, and the added running will help tone the legs and butt for when you do wear heels.

Now for the top, I'm thinking of some layering. You would want the outer layer to be a long-sleeved shirt of some sort that can easily be removed or added. The weather under a thunderstorm is often much cooler, and with the rain and strong winds, it can get downright chilly, especially compared to the warm sunshine you were in just moments ago. The inner layer needs to be very light and cool, like maybe a t-shirt, halter top, tank top, or exercise or swimsuit top. This way you can tease the world a little with "what you've got", yet keep somewhat modestly covered (Mom and Dad would be proud of their... a... child).

As for underwear, the standard crossdressing rule applies -- the sexier, the better. If a black lace push-up is all you've got, it will do just fine. A word of advice -- you might get pretty wet, so plan ahead of you want to avoid looking like you just left a wet t-shirt contest.

This will be an excellent time for your makeup skills to shine. Remember, it will probably be warm and sunny while you are out traveling, so you will want a light, minimal look to your makeup. However, once you are in the storm, it will be quite a bit darker in an atmosphere dominated by various hues ranging from blue-grey to grey with some greens thrown in for good measure. I would be packing lots of blues, grays, greens, purples, magentas, evening-type makeup, and make certain it is not only waterproof, but wind-proof as well.

It took a long time for me to summon enough courage to leave my home the first time dressed as a woman. Taking that into consideration, it will probably be a long time (if ever) before I actually consider chasing a tornado dressed as a woman, but if I do, I've got my wardrobe already selected.


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