Sunday, March 28, 2010

Strange Dream Time, 3/28/2010

I love dream analysis. Many modern scientists and doctors laugh at the thought of dreams being important, but history contradicts them in this belief. The Bible is full of dreams that had great significance. People regarded dreams as omens or messages from "beyond" well into the late nineteenth century when psychology began to emerge as a legitimate science. I've always enjoyed reading the theories of Freud and Jung and still find their brand of thought and analysis relevant.

Dreams can be fun. They can be scary. They can have deep psychological meaning. They can help you overcome problems and obstacles you face in your daily life. But I have found that the most important thing to remember about dreams is this: Dreams can also be nothing more than entertainment for our minds. That dream you had once about eating hot dogs might have a psychological meaning, or it might be the simple result of you overeating before bedtime.

I've had many dreams that dealt with my transgenderism. Most of them were pleasant although I have awaken from a few and found myself sitting upright in my bed, drenched in a pool of sweat as if I had been physically running from horrible monster. Overall, I've been surprised out how mundane many of my TG dreams have been, whether they have had any sort of meaning or not.

Last night, I had a TG dream.

In the dream, I was asked to take part in a womanless beauty pageant. Oddly enough, in waking life, I have never taken part in such a production. In the dream, I was "drafted" by friends who didn't know anything about Kelli. I found myself in the odd position of trying to masculinize myself. I put off meeting with my "beauty consultant team" for as long as possible to give my body hair more time to grow back and appear more manly. I feigned ignorance with makeup and female clothing. I worked hard to keep people out of my home as I had a few too many feminine articles of dress laying about for a single guy. I took a look at the outfits my sponsors had picked out, immediately decided what I would do to look my best in them, and then did my best not to look my best. I was afraid to look like Kelli. For once, I wanted to look like a guy in a dress.

The day of the pageant arrived. I found myself putting on last minute touches (and trying not to overdo it) while the stage director hurried us onto the stage. For the first number, we were arranged like a choir for the opening musical number. I guess we didn't rehearse (dream scripting and timeline problems) and I found myself surrounded by several contestants who were much shorter than me due to their age. (In flats, I'm about normal height for a woman.) We sang the non-descript song with much energy and I constantly found myself really getting into the role and needed to remind myself I'm suppose to be a guy, not a girl.

Unfortunately, that's when I awoke.

Kelli's amateur dream interpretation: A dream strictly for entertainment purposes. Enjoy it, laugh about it, blog and record it if desired, but no major revelations or concerns to note.


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