Strange Dream Time

The other night I had a rather strange dream. The dream began much like a normal day in the life of Kelly (male side). I showered and shaved, drove to work, everything was normal until co-workers began to talk to me, and it was then I discovered that I couldn't understand anyone. They were speaking plain, everyday, English words and phrases, but all the meanings had been changed, and the sentence structure altered. I would reply with a normal statement, for example, "I don't understand what you are saying," and my co-workers would stare at me as if I were from another planet. This continued throughout the morning, through my lunch break, and into the afternoon hours. I arrived home, visibly shaken and thinking I must be going crazy. I had plans to go out that evening, but was considering the possibility of staying home. I decided to wash my face, looked in the bathroom mirror, and discovered, to my surprise, that I was a woman. I said to myself, "That explains everything! I'm a woman. Everything makes sense now!" I went out with friends and discovered that everything did make sense now. I could understand them, and they could understand me.

Kelli

Lack of Spring Updates

So sorry about the lack of updates. I blame it on those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer (oooh, that would make a good song title!), so here's a quickie update.

First, happy Father's Day to all the Dads that read my blog. I hope your day was special, and remember -- no one can take the place of a child's parents. You are that important. May God bless.

The other week I was standing in a long line at the cashier's window for the local traffic court. (No, the fine was not caused by driving while wearing a blond wig.) Anywho, I was more or less just staring off into space, minding my own business. There was a couple ahead of me, and I heard the guy start singing Dude Looks Like A Lady to his wife. They were quietly laughing and I didn't think anything about it as I was totally absorbed in watching a bailiff instruct someone how to fill-out court paperwork and pay fines, etc. It didn't involve me anyway, as I was in male drag.

When I turned to stare out into space in the other side of the lobby, I saw the inspiration that caused this man to burst into song -- an androgynous person was sitting outside one of the offices.

Now I've come across many crossdressers and transgendered people out in public before, at shopping malls, restaurants, parks, etc. Sometimes I'll stop and say hello, sometimes I'll wave, sometimes I'll just keep to myself, it all depends on the circumstances, like if they are alone, if they are with friends, do they look like they need help, etc. Some of the people I have seen completely passed, while others didn't come close.

This was the first time I had ever seen a person who was obviously going for the androgynous look. The hair could pass for unisex, but was a bit on the feminine side. Skin was darkly tanned, and there was a strong five o'clock shadow. If there was any makeup, it was extremely light. This person wore a pretty, satiny blue top with a decidedly feminine white jacket that had classic shoulder pads. I'm not certain what they were wearing below the waist. Perhaps if I see this person again, I'll be able to say hello.

Remember girls: tan in moderation, have a safe vacation, and work for the day when you can physically wear a bikini and look as good as when you do in your on-line virtual world.

Kelli

Boobs In Delaware

Here's a story that's making the rounds this past week. It seems a group of male-to-female transgenders decided to hit the beach in Delaware. For a nice, even tan, they decided to remove their swimsuit tops, ignoring the fact that they were not on a topless beach. According to the news reports, they had implants, giving them female breasts. After some complaints, the lifeguards and police were called. The sunbathers put their tops on, and the police later stated that no one was breaking the law because the sunbathers in question still had male genitalia (which was, apparently, left covered-up).

I'm probably one of the few who will say this, but the actions of the sunbathers reeks of hypocrisy in my opinion. Their actions only throw fuel on the fire that helps keep transgendered men and women from living healthy, normal lives. Most transexuals, crossdressers, and transgendered people that I know and have met want nothing more than to blend in with whatever gender they are transitioning towards. They want healthy, normal lives as if they had been born and raised in their adoptive gender. However, transitioning and their new gender will present difficulties and obstacles they didn't have to face in their past.

An ex-girlfriend once told me If you're going to be a woman, you have to take the bad along with the good. After pondering her slightly one-sided statement through the years, I've discovered that it is a basic truth that both men and women fail to fully appreciate. In other words, this piece of advice is applicable to both sexes.

Here we are in the 21st century, and there are still things I can do as a man that are either impossible, improbable, or unwanted as a woman. As a man, I can impregnate a woman... just me and the woman, a little lubricant, some Barry White on the old 8-track, you get the picture. A woman is not going to get another woman pregnant by having sex with her unless she has some sort of high tech science lab behind her efforts (or something really weird happens).

If I ask a woman out to dinner, it is generally accepted that I will pay the check. I'm sure the woman does not want to get the check, as that is not really human nature. I've offered her a free meal. I've invited her to eat with me. Some old-timers would even say that just because I am the man, I should be paying for her meal!

Differences between men and women are both physical, mental, and environmental. I'm very happy about these differences, Of course, if it wasn't for these differences, we wouldn't have such conditions as crossdressing and autogynephilia, but I digress. It's our differences that cause us to take notice of the opposite sex and progress from there. You've probably read a few articles lamenting the fact that it is much harder for a man to dress as a woman and be accepted by people than it is for a woman to dress like a man and be accepted. Why is that? Women are allowed more wardrobe choices regarding what is traditionally male and female garb than what men are allowed. A woman can wear a tailored shirt, slacks, and a tie for work in an office, but a man cannot wear a pretty blouse, skirt, and heels in that same office.

That brings us back to those boobs in Delaware. Here we have a group of sunbathers who, by definition, are progressing from masculine to feminine. Then, we find them reaching a point where don't want a certain piece of the feminine equation they have been working towards. Their response is to refuse the bad and just enjoy the good. Unfortunately, my autogynephiliac fantasies might be like that, but here in reality, you overcome the bad by utilizing the good. Avoidance solves nothing.

Kelli

Cyber vs. Personal Cross Dressing

I started this blog with the goal of encouraging conservative Christians who are also cross dressers. My whole point behind the fundamental purpose of these postings is to let you know that you are not alone, that there are many out there just like you, and that you are not an awful sinner just because you like to cross dress! I could continue proclaiming this message until I was blue in the face. I could shout it from the highest mountain tops. I might even live long enough to see this message adopted as a truth (that is scripturally supported by the Good Lord's Word) that is ratified by every priest, rabbi, and minister in the world, and yet, this blog would remain nothing more than an elementary starting point.

Cross dressing, transvestism, transsexualism, autogynephilia, and their wide array of familial conditions all begin with one person realizing they have this "condition" which sets them apart from "normal" people. Reaching the conclusion that they are not "normal", they may decide that they are a "freak" or "pervert". For a wide variety of reasons, our feelings are defined, by society at large, as "abnormal" and "wrong". I say this is wrong, and that transgenderism itself is merely something that makes me different from another person with no "right" or "wrong" involved. Some people have brown eyes, some have blue eyes, and my eyes are frequently bloodshot. Are any of these people wrong? No. Are they different? Yes. I don't see how my mode of dress (under general conditions) or how I see myself is anyone's concern.

It was then my prayer and hope that someone coming to terms with their transgenderism would search out information on the subject. I hope there are people who stumble across my sites and find themselves thinking Good heavens! This was written by a conservative Christian cross dresser just like me!!!

If this ever happens to anyone, then the purpose of this blog has been served. I wish this blog could do more, but it is housed in a cold, impersonal, world wide web with no human interaction, and that is the next big step for anyone coping with transgenderism -- you need to meet face to face with other transgendered people.

Meeting other transgendered people face to face can ease the loneliness we all have felt in those early days. You'll be meeting new people who share common interests that you have been unable to discuss with your buddies at work (like makeup techniques). You'll meet people who share common problems that you might be experiencing. You might discover where exactly you fit into the gender spectrum. I myself came to terms with my transgenderism long before the internet, so I know personally the importance of meeting others.

The internet is a pretty good place to start these days when looking for support groups. Try Googling "crossdress support groups" or something similar. Keep away from obvious porno sites or sites that just don't seem legit. I haven't had any personal experience with Tri-Ess, but they are a real, nationwide, support group for cross dressers and their families. This assures you there is nothing X-rated going on.

Another option (you could use the internet or stop by personally for this one) is your local gay and lesbian center. They frequently have info on local transgender groups.

Once you have selected a group, give them a call. You will probably be invited to meet with a couple of their members at a public place (a mall or a restaurant) where you can check each other out. Most transgender groups respect their members privacy and work towards providing a safe and secure environment.

Once you have been accepted by a group, give yourself a big pat on the back, as this is a major accomplishment in the life of any cross dresser. This can be very beneficial to you, your family, and the group.

One important item I always like to add at this point is this reminder: It is always okay to say "no". If you decide you are not compatible with a group, it is always okay to politely decline their invitation. If you are not comfortable with the group's surroundings, it is always okay to politely decline their invitation. Meeting other transgenders is suppose to be a good thing, and it is not a good thing if you feel pressured to do something you don't want to do.

Cyber surfing is fun, but nothing beats the feel of real surf and sand. Now if only I looked as good in a real bikini as I do in my web surfing bikini....

Kelli