Can't Wait Until It's Invented!

I remember many years ago, as a child, watching The Flintstones on television. It was a cartoon about a prehistoric family that lived a surprisingly modern life. For example, they had a garbage disposal in the kitchen sink. The gag was that it was actually a wart hog that lived under the sink that ate the garbage. Hey, it's a living.

Another gag they frequently used was someone needing something that had not yet been invented, and that person saying they were looking forward to someone inventing it. I told a group of kids once that when I was a kid, you would often find us on a hot summer day sitting on the porch, bored silly, because video games had not yet been invented, and we couldn't wait for someone to invent them. My sense of humor was never recognized by those kids.

However, I have recognized the possibilities of deciding what future items need to be invented, and offer some TG specific ideas:

We'll start with undergarments. I was shocked the first time I saw an advertisement for Hanes Her Way or Jockey For Her. Every guy knew these brand names, but certainly never associated them with female underwear. The product seems to be very popular, and no one these days gives this a second thought. It seems safe to now suggest that someone needs to invent Bali For Him and Playtex His Way. The marketing possibilities are endless. Next door to every Victoria's Secret, we could have a new store called Victor's Secret.

How about some shoes. I personally don't have very much trouble finding women's shoes that fit, but have seen one specific type of shoe that I really want. It's those specially designed sneakers designed to firm and tone the legs and butt. I want my legs and butt (especially the butt) to look more like those of the female models who sell the shoes. I challenge Madison Avenue to hire a male model, have him use those shoes religiously for six months, and show me if they will do what I want them to do. Then, I will happily pay $75 for a pair of sneakers.

It seems using makeup on a super model is like adding a four-barrel carburetor to the rockets on the space shuttle. She already has a natural beauty that most of us guys would kill for. Put one of us in that beautician's chair and slather on the moisturizers, the skin toners, the cleansers. Wax, tweeze, cut, and perm our hair until perfect. Show me a make-up color palette that would put a rainbow to shame. Make-up that could actually improve my face is the make-up I want.

And speaking of make-up, in my early days, I was known to use a little too much of the good stuff. Imagine the laugh I got when I saw an infomercial on television for an air-brush make-up applicator. Sounds like a great idea, but too dainty for the average Joe (or Josie). My designs call for a standard paint-gun sprayer hooked up to a moderately sized air compressor. Tape off the areas where you do not want to apply any makeup, fire-up the compressor, and let it go! [NOTE: Do not try this at home. Let someone who claims to be a trained professional try it first. If they survive, then maybe consider it....]

These are just a few of my ideas. However, I freely put them out there to the general public in case some free-thinking entrepeneur/inventor has the ability to take the ideas from the drawing board to the finished product. I look forward to a future date when I look back in time and think I remember when I wished someone would invent that.

Kelli

Various and Sundry Updates, August 19, 2010

Hello from Kelli World! Hope your summer is going swimmingly.

I've been on a diet now for three weeks. The first two weeks were fantastic. I was eating a salad every evening for dinner. This salad would include a little bit of cheese, couple slices of red onion, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and some low fat dressing. I would wash it all down with a diet pop or water, AND I WAS LOOSING WEIGHT! I couldn't believe it. The pounds (and I have quite a few pounds to loose) were disappearing with ease, and I was enjoying the food. I kept that up for two weeks, and then decided I needed a change. That was a mistake.

I switched to low calorie / low fat foods and noticed almost immediately that not only had the weight loss stopped, it had started to reverse. This week, I'll be back on salads and liking it. I blame it all on my job, where I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day five days a week. With such inactivity, I have discovered that just the thought of something like southern fried chicken will cause me to gain... Oh, I need a larger girdle.

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Kelli is a very girly-type person. I like all things feminine and have no problem with that when I am home or with friends who know about Kelli. Problem is I seem to sometimes slip into Kelli mode (female mode) when I'm actually Kelly (male mode). Last week I was "ma'am"ed at the grocery store while talking to the cashier. Unfortunately, I was out as Kelly. Part of me loved it, and part of me was extremely annoyed.

I place the blame for this squarely at the feet of autogynephilia. With autogynephilia, I have this incredibly strong urge to picture myself as a woman, to fantasize that I am a woman, to do all of this in just my mind -- crossdressing and/or sex-change body modifications are not necessary. And most of my fantasies are quick little thoughts that can form in the mind and then vanish, or they take place when I can actually be Kelli (mentally and/or physically) for an extended amount of time. However, one fantasy I have has me as an actual woman who is trying to pass herself of as a man -- reverse crossdressing, if you will. In other words, I am Kelli, pretending to be Kelly. Doing that will get me "ma'am"ed every time.

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Speaking of quick fantasies, have you seen ads on television for those sneakers specially designed to tone-up your legs and butt. They always feature pretty, athletic women, and you find yourself thinking If only....

Kelli

"Are You Gay?"

When I came out to my last girlfriend, that was one of (if not the) first questions she asked me: "Are you gay?" I assured her I was not gay, but at the time, I needed reassuring myself. The time was the early 1990s, and although I had studied and read up on terms like crossdressing, transvestism, and transsexualism, it would be several more years before I heard the term "autogynephilia".

Fortunately, I told her the truth, even though I was not certain at the time. I had gone through several bad relationships, and one day put 2 and 2 together and figured there was the possibility that I was gay. Let's look at the facts. Fact one -- I enjoyed dressing in women's clothes. Fact two -- I had always dated women and never even considered anything romantic with another man. Fact three -- in many of my fantasies and daydreams, I was often a woman with another woman. Fact four -- in many of my fantasies and daydreams, I was often a woman with a man. Three out of four of those facts screamed "Gay!" at me.

I figured I should consider the possibility that I was gay. After a few talks with some gay friends and a quick perusal of some gay "romance novels", I was quickly convinced that as a man, I did not want, did not desire, did not have the slightest inclination to be romantic with another man. However, I was still confused. Here is what I now knew: in reality, I like women; in fantasy, I liked both.

I knew that in my fantasies I wanted to be a woman. That along with my general feelings on crossdressing led me to believe I might be transsexual. Much literature on the subject written back then suggested that many transsexuals had experienced shifts in their sexual preferences, and I figured that in a worse case scenario, I would be bi-sexual, and hoped that correcting all the "plumbing" would make me a straight woman in search of a good man.

After dating my girlfriend for awhile, I began counselling on my transgenderism. My doctor was very practical in his outlook and very helpful. I asked him one day if he thought I was gay. He asked if I dated men or women, and I replied women. He told me I was straight. I then brought up the subject of my fantasy in which I was a woman with a man. He told me I was straight. I asked how he could be so sure. He replied that I was fantasizing about a man and a woman having sex -- what was gay about that? I answered that it was gay because I was the woman in the fantasy. I then started to see what he was getting at, and realized I still had a lot more work to do in figuring out my fantasies. Even if I did work at deciphering my fantasies, they were still just fantasies. In real life I was physically male and enjoyed dating women. Fantasies would never change that.

Fantasies are not real. Fantasies are not factual. If one of your fantasies were to come true, there is no guarantee that you would like that fantasy as a reality. Fantasies are just a variation on the classic daydream. Ever have a daydream about going skinny-dipping in a mountain spring on a hot day? My real experiences with mountain springs tells me they are usually a bit cold for skinny-dipping.

I'm confident in my sexuality these days, even if the trip to that destination was a bit convoluted.

Kelli

No News Except In Dreams

Work and summer activities have kept me pretty busy lately. That's not too bad of a thing, except it has really cut down on my Kelli time. My subconscious seems to have picked-up on this fact, and I have had several nice dreams that were heavy in TG content.

I try to approach dreams more from a scientific perspective than the mystical point of view that many people promote. Like Freud, it makes logical sense to me that during sleep the subconscious can enjoy greater freedom and control of the mind. He (the subconscious) likes to sit at the brain's control board and playback memories of things that recently happened, and memories of things that happened a long time ago. He also likes to take a look at your current fears and phobias (I don't know if he is trying to help or not, but he doesn't really have anything else to do at that time of night). He's even looked at problems I recently faced during waking hours, and given me solutions, making some of my dreams extremely valuable and practical. However, the conscious mind is watching all this on another monitor in another part of the brain, and he can't make sense of any of it. He just sees a jumble of anecdotes and has no information regarding time and context. Unfortunately, the conscious mind is what we deal with in our waking hours, so we awake and say something like, "I had the strangest dream last night!"

Jung made great strides in dream interpretation with his theory of archetypes, which basically states that objects and people in dreams actually represent specific ideas and that these archetypes (by definition) are the same in different people's dreams. Problem is that you can't hold fast and true to this theory simply because objects mean different things to people of different ethnicities, age, gender, and lifestyles. An example I read on another web site was about a stuffed toy tiger. If I dreamed about the toy, it might be that my dream was about issues in my youth. If a child dreamed about the same toy, it was probably just a fun dream, and I believe some dreams are best explained as being just entertaining with no special meaning.

The dream I had last night could definitely be explained as just being fun, although because it again happened at my parent's house, I am open to the possibility of there being more to the interpretation. In the dream, Mom is nagging me (I'm in male mode) to clean out the closet in what was my room when I lived there (something she does in real life too). I'm looking at all the male clothes (I have no female clothes there for obvious reasons) and asking myself how I am going to pack all those old clothes into my suitcase so I can fly back home. Then I get an idea: I'll wear as many of the clothes as possible on the plane!

The first item I put on is an old black t-shirt that appears to have writing on the back, but I can't read it. I then notice that I have 2 blue jeans jackets and put both of them on. I then turn to look at myself in a full mirror and am shocked to find that I now have the tiny waist of a gorgeous supermodel (I've recently started dieting and exercising). I pull the jacket back and place my hands on my newly trimmed waist to make certain it is for real and discover that my t-shirt has been replaced with a very pretty black knit blouse. I look back at the mirror to see a hint of cleavage in the scoop neckline and my hair is now short, cute, and very feminine. That's when I awoke.

Like I said, odds are that dream was just fun entertainment playing in my mind. But on the off chance there was something mystical, I'm going to look for those blue jean jackets next time I visit my parents!

Strange Dream Time

The other night I had a rather strange dream. The dream began much like a normal day in the life of Kelly (male side). I showered and shaved, drove to work, everything was normal until co-workers began to talk to me, and it was then I discovered that I couldn't understand anyone. They were speaking plain, everyday, English words and phrases, but all the meanings had been changed, and the sentence structure altered. I would reply with a normal statement, for example, "I don't understand what you are saying," and my co-workers would stare at me as if I were from another planet. This continued throughout the morning, through my lunch break, and into the afternoon hours. I arrived home, visibly shaken and thinking I must be going crazy. I had plans to go out that evening, but was considering the possibility of staying home. I decided to wash my face, looked in the bathroom mirror, and discovered, to my surprise, that I was a woman. I said to myself, "That explains everything! I'm a woman. Everything makes sense now!" I went out with friends and discovered that everything did make sense now. I could understand them, and they could understand me.

Kelli

Lack of Spring Updates

So sorry about the lack of updates. I blame it on those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer (oooh, that would make a good song title!), so here's a quickie update.

First, happy Father's Day to all the Dads that read my blog. I hope your day was special, and remember -- no one can take the place of a child's parents. You are that important. May God bless.

The other week I was standing in a long line at the cashier's window for the local traffic court. (No, the fine was not caused by driving while wearing a blond wig.) Anywho, I was more or less just staring off into space, minding my own business. There was a couple ahead of me, and I heard the guy start singing Dude Looks Like A Lady to his wife. They were quietly laughing and I didn't think anything about it as I was totally absorbed in watching a bailiff instruct someone how to fill-out court paperwork and pay fines, etc. It didn't involve me anyway, as I was in male drag.

When I turned to stare out into space in the other side of the lobby, I saw the inspiration that caused this man to burst into song -- an androgynous person was sitting outside one of the offices.

Now I've come across many crossdressers and transgendered people out in public before, at shopping malls, restaurants, parks, etc. Sometimes I'll stop and say hello, sometimes I'll wave, sometimes I'll just keep to myself, it all depends on the circumstances, like if they are alone, if they are with friends, do they look like they need help, etc. Some of the people I have seen completely passed, while others didn't come close.

This was the first time I had ever seen a person who was obviously going for the androgynous look. The hair could pass for unisex, but was a bit on the feminine side. Skin was darkly tanned, and there was a strong five o'clock shadow. If there was any makeup, it was extremely light. This person wore a pretty, satiny blue top with a decidedly feminine white jacket that had classic shoulder pads. I'm not certain what they were wearing below the waist. Perhaps if I see this person again, I'll be able to say hello.

Remember girls: tan in moderation, have a safe vacation, and work for the day when you can physically wear a bikini and look as good as when you do in your on-line virtual world.

Kelli

Boobs In Delaware

Here's a story that's making the rounds this past week. It seems a group of male-to-female transgenders decided to hit the beach in Delaware. For a nice, even tan, they decided to remove their swimsuit tops, ignoring the fact that they were not on a topless beach. According to the news reports, they had implants, giving them female breasts. After some complaints, the lifeguards and police were called. The sunbathers put their tops on, and the police later stated that no one was breaking the law because the sunbathers in question still had male genitalia (which was, apparently, left covered-up).

I'm probably one of the few who will say this, but the actions of the sunbathers reeks of hypocrisy in my opinion. Their actions only throw fuel on the fire that helps keep transgendered men and women from living healthy, normal lives. Most transexuals, crossdressers, and transgendered people that I know and have met want nothing more than to blend in with whatever gender they are transitioning towards. They want healthy, normal lives as if they had been born and raised in their adoptive gender. However, transitioning and their new gender will present difficulties and obstacles they didn't have to face in their past.

An ex-girlfriend once told me If you're going to be a woman, you have to take the bad along with the good. After pondering her slightly one-sided statement through the years, I've discovered that it is a basic truth that both men and women fail to fully appreciate. In other words, this piece of advice is applicable to both sexes.

Here we are in the 21st century, and there are still things I can do as a man that are either impossible, improbable, or unwanted as a woman. As a man, I can impregnate a woman... just me and the woman, a little lubricant, some Barry White on the old 8-track, you get the picture. A woman is not going to get another woman pregnant by having sex with her unless she has some sort of high tech science lab behind her efforts (or something really weird happens).

If I ask a woman out to dinner, it is generally accepted that I will pay the check. I'm sure the woman does not want to get the check, as that is not really human nature. I've offered her a free meal. I've invited her to eat with me. Some old-timers would even say that just because I am the man, I should be paying for her meal!

Differences between men and women are both physical, mental, and environmental. I'm very happy about these differences, Of course, if it wasn't for these differences, we wouldn't have such conditions as crossdressing and autogynephilia, but I digress. It's our differences that cause us to take notice of the opposite sex and progress from there. You've probably read a few articles lamenting the fact that it is much harder for a man to dress as a woman and be accepted by people than it is for a woman to dress like a man and be accepted. Why is that? Women are allowed more wardrobe choices regarding what is traditionally male and female garb than what men are allowed. A woman can wear a tailored shirt, slacks, and a tie for work in an office, but a man cannot wear a pretty blouse, skirt, and heels in that same office.

That brings us back to those boobs in Delaware. Here we have a group of sunbathers who, by definition, are progressing from masculine to feminine. Then, we find them reaching a point where don't want a certain piece of the feminine equation they have been working towards. Their response is to refuse the bad and just enjoy the good. Unfortunately, my autogynephiliac fantasies might be like that, but here in reality, you overcome the bad by utilizing the good. Avoidance solves nothing.

Kelli