Still Dreaming

I definitely remembered this dream from last night.

In the dream, I had a girlfriend. These days, the only girlfriend I can get seems to be in my dreams. Anyway, in an unknown manner, she is slowly transforming me into a Japanese school girl. When I realize what she is doing, I protest, and she playfully tells me that if I can catch her, I can stop her.

I begin searching and chasing her all over Honolulu. Why the heck I am in Hawaii is never explained. All the while I slowly change into a Japanese school girl, becoming a young woman and having my clothes slowly morph into a school uniform. It's very bizarre.

I finally catch up to my girlfriend. She is on her motor scooter and is stopped at a busy intersection. I run into the street to confront her and demand that she change me back into a man. The only problem is that I now find my speech has been effected, and I can only speak English with a very pronounced Japanese accent.

Japanese is different from American English in that in English, foreign words usually retain the same pronunciation as practiced in their native tongue. In Japanese, foreign words are frequently modified in their pronunciation. Therefore when a Japanese speaker tries to use lots of English words, but pronounces them as they are written in Japanese, it is often confusing and useless to English speakers and listeners. That is how I find myself speaking in the dream. I know English, but must pronounce the words as if I have never spoken conversational English.

A group of young women pass by us and overhear the conversation. They call out helpful corrections to my speech as they pass by. I turn, bow, and thank them. Don't know if that is proper Japanese etiquette, but I did it in the dream. The girls laugh and continue on. Their behavior strikes me as odd, but when I turn to face my girlfriend again, she is gone.

I return home alone and enter my bedroom to find it has been decorated in typical high school girl fashion.

That's when I awoke. As I have written before, I think some dreams do have deep psychological meaning and are good for analysis. Then again, some dreams are just good entertainment, and I was thoroughly entertained by this one.

Kelli

Diet is "Die" With a "T"

Actually, the diet is going well, and I'm reasonably pleased with the results. I wish the pounds were disappearing faster, but the fact that they are going away at all is good for me.

This weight loss program has all been done on the cheap. First, I'm limiting my calorie intake with a goal of just 1,000 calories a day. That means I can eat whatever I want, but I must stop at the 1,000 calorie mark. This has also forced me to modify my meal schedule, consuming most of my calories in the first half of the day and eating light snacks in the afternoon and evening.

My exercise videos are free. I'm always amazed at what you can find on YouTube, and I found several professionally produced exercise videos. I picked the ones that interested me and concentrated on the body parts I wanted improved. The first week was a bit painful, but I faithfully exercised Monday through Friday, took the weekend off, and resumed last Monday. I started doing 30 minutes of aerobics and found myself struggling to do that much. Now I can do it pretty easily with little pain and will be expanding my aerobic time next week.

So that's diet program for free and exercise program for free.

Attitude is something I have had to work on. No matter how carefully I plan my diet, there are still evenings I find myself sitting in front of the television and thinking I'm hungry. I have a couple of moves to combat this. First, I'll get busy. I'll take care of the dishes in the kitchen sink or do some work on the computer. I'll do something to get my mind off food. The second move is all mental. Instead of feeling hunger in a negative way, I'll remind myself that what I am feeling in my stomach area is actually pounds starting to disappear and visualize my stomach transforming into a flat, sexy, waistline.

Motivation is important too. Common sense would tell you that loosing weight because it is good for your health and long life would be the best motivational factor in the world. Sadly, I have found myself needing additional motivation. My motivation is beautiful women I see in real life, on the television, and online. I even have a screensaver on my computer featuring beautiful female pictures that I have found in my web surfing that is extremely helpful. When I feel hungry at eight o'clock at night, I see a model on my computer and remind myself that if I start eating a bag of chips I will never look like her. Yes, that bag of corn chips is preventing me from looking like Shania Twain.

Next month I plan to add other aspects to my makeover. I plan to update my makeup and wardrobe by starting with books from my local library and bookstore.

I'd also like to start some voice and deportment training, but haven't been able to find anything that looks like it would be helpful. Melanie Phillips has had a voice training program for several years that I am considering. But for every honest business person like Melanie, there are fly-by-night rip-off sites. I came across a link for a professionally done feminine deportment course that sounded promising, but closer inspection raised too many red flags. For instance, the headline banners on her webpage had misspellings. That coupled with the facts that I had never heard of her or heard any testimonials from people I trust caused me to dismiss the site pretty quickly.

If there are any readers out there who have any recommendations on voice training or deportment courses (deportment means moving and acting like a woman), please drop me a line. I'd appreciate it very much. Free YouTube or courses for a price -- I'm interested in them all.

Today's official weigh-in shows I have lost 16 pounds since January 1st. Bikini season, here I come!!!

Kelli

January Odds and Ends

ABC-TV's "Work It" didn't work out. I'm not surprised. I never saw the show, but the whole idea stunk from the beginning. I read several stories online how various people were calling on the transgendered community to voice their dislike to ABC-TV and try to get the show off the air. Me? I took the laid-back, lazy person's course of action -- nothing. The program sounded so bad that I didn't think it would last a half dozen episodes. There are exceptions, but normally I have a pretty good track record at sensing when a television series will be a hit or a bomb. Are you reading this, ABC-TV? Call me!

It was extremely windy today here in Kelli-land. I turned on the television to watch the local news and found the female meteorologist looking pretty as ever in a short skirt (midway between the knees and hips) that offered slight glimpses of her very pretty legs. This woman is now my hero for daring to wear a short skirt on a windy day. Nay, this woman laughed at the elements, daring the wind to play havoc with her wardrobe. This woman is fearless, and I found myself briefly encouraged by her bravery until I remembered an unfortunate incident from the past involving strong winds and my wig. I guess slacks will do for me....

Downloaded some exercise videos off the web and began using them this morning. Hope the neighbors don't notice that the guy living in apartment 12 is doing the bikini ab workout. And, yes, I am feeling the burn!

Kelli

Resolution Update

We are two weeks into 2012 and I am two weeks into my diet. Things are going great. I'm doing an old fashioned "watch what you eat and count calories" diet. I refuse to eat more than 1,500 calories a day, and my goal is 1,000 calories a day.

The results? So far, I've lost 10 pounds. This is actually not all good news. I think I have a strange metabolism. I lost those 10 pounds in the first week of my diet, and have been holding steady the second week. Loosing ten pounds is nothing to me. I can do it easily. It's the succeeding pounds that require a bit more work.

Tomorrow I plan to buy a sit-up bar and some exercise videos. It's cold outside and I really have motivational deficiencies when it comes to strenuous outdoor exercises like running and biking. I want to stay indoors and concentrate on specific body areas with light exercise and aerobics. I've had a desk job for years and have found just working up a slight sweat (pardon me... ladies "glow") causes my body to resume loosing pounds.

I refuse to use weights as I don't want any muscle development. I've never had much in the muscle department and enjoy my flexibility. I want to keep all that as a basis for a more feminine look.

Also tomorrow, I plan to update my makeup collection and begin seriously experimenting with it every day. An ex-girlfriend told me the mysterious secret once of how women learn to do makeup -- practice! My basic skills are not bad, but I look forward to trying some of the new styles I've seen on various fashion web sites.

In other resolution news, I've also increased my Bible study. I'm not a "Bible thumper", but find Bible study really stimulates both the brain and the physical body.

And the decent Kelli pics will have to wait for later. I'm interested in seeing what I can do with a camera (I actually need to buy a digital camera), and if I can get a decent shot, I might actually post it.

Some of you might be thinking What?! She doesn't own a digital camera?! Everyone owns a digital camera! It's not like I'm Amish or Mennonite. I was still using film until last year when I bought a cheap cell phone that had a camera in it. I enjoy taking pictures with it, but it isn't tripod mountable and doesn't have a timer, so I want a camera dedicated to one task -- taking pictures.

I'll keep you posted on my progress. Two weeks in and I'm still successful and excited about my resolutions and the progress I'm making. Two weeks is a pretty good start for me.

Kelli

Christianity and The Cure for Cross Dressing

I don't remember if I heard this from a college professor or my therapist many years ago, but the question was asked How do you know if you need psychological counseling? The answer is When something is causing you a problem (anxiety, fear, low self-esteem, etc.).

Cross dressing use to be a problem for me. One of the most important arguments (to me, anyway) for why you shouldn't dress as the opposite sex came from the Bible. Deuteronomy 22:5, as it is frequently quoted, seems to say cross dressing is very bad. After reading the entire Bible chapter and talking to some bonafide ministers (men of the cloth, as we use to say), I came to the conclusion that cross dressing is not a sin. One of the earliest entries I wrote on this blog contained this good news.

That led me to realize that cross dressing is not a problem for me, but it continues to be a problem for people around me. I'm not talking about fellow cross dressers. I'm talking about those who insist I am committing a great sin against God when I put on my prettiest dress. I'm talking about men who wouldn't be caught dead with a strand of pink thread in their clothing or women who may wear slacks, but they are in a "feminine cut".

That lead me to the next big revelation in my life -- I have to get all these people into therapy. All these folks have a completely illogical fear and hatred of my pink angora sweater. Those poor, poor folks going through life like this! I say this with all truthful sincerity, I have sympathy on them. Why? Because they are in the wrong, being in the wrong is the same as being in sin, and sin robs us of the joy and peace that Christ wants us to have in life.

Here's an example. Has this ever happened to you. You're watching television with family or friends. Everyone seems to be enjoying the program. Someone blurts out at one point Oh! That's old so and so! Wasn't he gay? What difference does it make to the show this person is on? The actor was not portraying a homosexual. Such a topic didn't even figure into the storyline. What difference does it make if the actor is gay or not. He or she is on the show, earning a paycheck and entertaining the audience. The conversation usually continues with the loudmouth saying something derogatory and claiming to never watch the actor. There's nothing wrong in enjoying a television show, but letting illogical fear and hatred ruin that enjoyment does seem wrong.

It would be impossible to get all these people into a therapist office, and I don't know of many therapists that make house calls. That leaves little ol' me as the one with the greatest chance of having a positive influence on these folks. I do a lot of studying and praying on this matter, and try to always be careful. In all situations I try to be an "upright" person, as the Good Book might say. For those who only know me as a guy, I do my best to not give anyone an excuse to call me a lying scumbag who likes to get drunk and would stab his own mother in the back as quickly as he would stab his worst enemy. For those who know me as Kelli, I hope they have a positive impression about me (not a slut).

While doing my best to be pleasant and good company, it gives me a chance to talk about anything and everything with a Christian perspective. How do I feel about the environment? I think I have a Christian perspective on that. How will the Red Wings do this season? There is a Christian way to respond to that question. Hey, you're a Christian... what do you think about cross dressing? I think I've already said what my answer would be.

A famous minister once commented that many an average Christian, being a good example to others, has led more souls to the Lord than many an average minister in the pulpit. It all starts by changing hearts and minds one person at a time.

Oh... almost forgot. About the title of this post. Christianity in and of itself is not necessarily a cure for cross dressing. Christianity is the cure for sin, a cure we all need.

Kelli

My YouTube Page

Just added a link in the right-hand column for my YouTube page. Here I plan to add videos I find interesting and entertaining.

The first video I have on the page (actually, the only one at the moment, but that will change) is a British television documentary on the Mr. Miss Pageant held in Thailand. I know this documentary is old news to the TG community, but this was the first time I had ever seen it. It primarily follows one man from England who enters the contest in Thailand. This gentleman identifies himself as a transvestite, yet the contest is not really aimed at TVs. Most of the participants have had cosmetic surgery to the point where many live full-time as women.

However, I think the guy did a great job of impersonating a woman and looking fabulous even surrounded by contestants who were "one snip away" from becoming complete women. If you watch the entire video, I think it will be very obvious where his strengths and weaknesses were.

A couple of other items in the video blew my mind. One is a scene where he is working with a deportment coach. I've never been accused of acting extremely manly, but I am now obsessed with acting more womanly in speech and deportment. I've made it a point to begin research on that immediately.

The other item that caught my attention was the relationship with his girlfriend. He seemed to have a wonderfully sweet and understanding girlfriend, and I found myself wondering "Why can't I meet women like that?!" She's "totally cool" with his cross dressing, accompanies him to the contest in Thailand, and weathers the emotional roller coaster quite well.

I'll be on the look for other videos. Stay tuned.

Kelli

Girly-Man Parts

Last week I had to go shopping for some new guy clothes. I'd much rather have been shopping for gal clothes, but most folks who know me prefer to see me in guy clothes. I figure that's their loss.

Was trying on suit coats and having a very hard time finding a good fit. The problem wasn't the coat length, the coat waist, or even the sleeves. The recurring problem was finding a coat that fit properly in the shoulder. For lack of a better description, most of the coats I tried on were too big in the shoulder.

Later, at home, I was thinking about my shoulders and inspected myself in the bathroom mirror. I have never had muscular or big shoulders, but noticed I didn't have narrow shoulders either. I finally decided that I have thin, non-muscular shoulders, and attached to them were long, non-muscular arms. In the winter months especially, I often shave my arms when I dress. No one has ever commented on my arms, but I decided my arms were fairly feminine and would look even more so with a bit of liposuction.

Like I said, no one has ever commented on my thin shoulders or tapered arms. The only comments I remember getting about being feminine were from an ex-girlfriend who frequently said I had great legs. That always made me blush.

So I am now acknowledging my girly-man parts. I'm proud of my girly-man parts. They are the parts of my body that I can easily and advantageously use to look more feminine when I want to do so, and when they are under male clothes, no one notices at all.

Will add this phrase to Kelli's Dictionary soon.

Kelli

Time Warp Update

This science fiction stuff is becoming a reality all too fast! Recently I blogged about my desire to do some time travel. Here's a bonafide article (yes, I know it's from FOX News) about invisibility, changing the speed of light, and bending time as done recently in a scientific laboratory. I've now decided that the race is on between science perfecting DNA changes that can make me 100% female and science perfecting time travel so I can try my hand at poodle skirts and penny loafers.

Wait a minute... what if we combined time travel and cross dressing?

Kelli

Cracking Walnuts with Sledge Hammers

WARNING: This post may or may not be politically correct.

One day my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) showed up at my front door. I opened the door and discovered she was sporting a new look -- her right arm was in a sling. I quickly ushered her inside and began asking how she hurt her arm. Did she hurt it at work? Was it broken? Etc.

She blushed a very bright red, told me she'd had an accident at home and tried to change the subject. I was too concerned to let her change the subject and eventually got the entire story from her and had a good chuckle in the process.

As it happened, she was preparing to step into her shower when a ferocious, deadly, man-eating cricket which had been hiding in the shadows attacked her, latching hold of her delicate flesh. In fear for her very life, she flayed at the cricket, eventually lost her balance, and fell. She was injured, but fortunately the cricket had been scared away and she was safe for another day.

Her story reminded me of cracking walnuts with sledge hammers -- your response to anything in life must be measured and appropriate.

So I got out of bed this morning, turned on my computer, and began checking e-mails and news from the TG community. One of the headlines involved a tampon company advertisement that, I believe, was showing in Australia. The news articles railed that these commercials were transphobic, insensitive, and should be removed immediately! I immediately pictured a large mass of cross dressers, transexuals, drag queens, and female impersonators armed with pitch forks and torches surrounding the television station, trying to break down the doors and run the monsters responsible out of town.

Thanks to the miracle of the internet, I surfed over to YouTube and found the offending ad. I must say I found it to be a good laugh to start off my day. In the ad, a young woman on the right side of the screen is in the ladies room, touching up her makeup. A taller "woman" enters on the left side. I have to admit, I wasn't certain at first who the female impersonator was, but it turns out to be the taller woman on the left. They both work on their mascara, and an unspoken contest begins -- who can be the most beautiful and most womanly woman.

They quickly touch-up their makeup, each keeping a close eye on what the other is doing. They check their outfits so they look right. They quickly adjust their boobs, all the better to be seen, my dear. And finally, the woman on the right pulls out a tampon from her purse. The "woman" on the left cannot match this move, turns, and leaves. The woman on the right won the most womanly part of the contest.

I guess the reason I was not offended at the commercial was because I readily admit I am not a woman. I would like to be a woman. I dream of being a woman. I will never be a genetic woman (unless science proves me wrong someday). No matter how many surgeries and procedures I have, my DNA will always say "male". We can carry on all day how we "feel" female or we consider ourselves "female" in our minds, but science and DNA will still say "male". That's not a criticism of anyone or an attack on anyone or anything, that is a statement of scientific fact. I may dream of being female, but I live in a place called reality.

I also laughed because the "woman" on the left displayed a manly trait that I immediately recognize as a guy thing -- trying to outdo the other guy, even if the other guy is a woman. When it comes to guys trying to outdo guys, they try to have the most manly physique, the most manly good looks, the flashiest and sportiest car, the top dog in the pecking order, etc. Here we had a "guy" trying to be a "woman", and since "she" still had this manly trait, "she" found herself trying to outdo an actual genetic woman, and the genetic woman shot him down fast. I found it very humorous.

Here's my advice on the matter -- watch the commercial yourself. If you like it, enjoy a good laugh. If you are offended, don't by their brand of tampons.

Kelli

Let the New Year Resolutions Begin!

I've started my new year resolutions for 2012. Most of them are pretty generic and attempted by lots of people, but I am very hopeful I will be able to accomplish them. Here are a few:

Loose weight. Lots of folks make this resolution every year. I have a little extra motivation as I now have a doctor telling me I should loose a few pounds. Anyway, I'm psyched about my diet. I'll basically just be cutting calories and fat plus adding a little bit more exercise. I'm not interested in speedy weight loss, just permanent weight loss.

Improve my looks. What girl doesn't want to look prettier every year?

Conquer Google+. I never signed-on to Facebook. Since I already had a blog and such with Google, I signed-on when they came out with Google+. Now I have no idea how this thing works. Any suggestions? Help!

Take some decent Kelli pictures. After loosing weight and improving my looks, I'd like some nice pictures as I really don't have any. If I don't loose weight and improve my looks, there's always Gimp.

And finally, study my Bible more. I'd like to consider myself as average when it comes to Bible knowledge, but these days the "average level" seems to be lowering itself. There's a lot of misunderstanding and downright hatred of the Bible on the internet, and I'd like very much to at least try to help these folks. There's an old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". The Bible is the same way. I want to make certain that it is out there in case someone wants a drink. If they choose not to drink, I at least tried and they at least heard the truth.

I've got a few more resolutions, but won't bore you with them for now. Check back next month and we'll see how many I've broken.

Kelli

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

If there's one thing more futile than being a guy who wished he looked like his idea of the ideal woman, it might be the pursuance of time travel. Theoretically it seems possible, and it has been the basis of quite a few good sci-fi pictures, but apart from top secret hush-hush government labs, time travel will probably remain an unattainable possibility for the general public during my lifetime.

That's a crying shame as I don't consider my choice for a time travel trip to be that difficult. Oh sure, I might be interested in traveling back to ancient Egypt to get Cleopatra's beauty secrets, but my interests lay closer to home. I'd actually like to travel back to the first half of the 20th century right here in the good old U.S. of A. I find the years 1900 to 1960 fascinating -- the people, the lifestyles, the customs of the day, etc. There are many aspects of those years that I miss in this present day and age.

I'm not much of a nightclub kind of gal [stay with me, this is not a change of topic]. It's just not my thing, like the way some folks just don't like broccoli. Over the years, while visiting some major cities, I've gone to drag shows at various venues. Drag is not really my thing either, but I've seen some outstanding female impersonations that blew my mind. The drag queens and female impersonators often dress up like famous female celebrities and lip-synch to pre-recorded music. The dancing and artistry requires true talent. I personally don't find lip-synching to be a bonafide talent, but that's just my humble opinion. Maybe that's why I have been indifferent to such shows.

While surfing the web this afternoon, I came across several videos recorded at Finnochio's nightclub in San Francisco back in 1980. I had heard of Finnochio's and seen still photos of the performers, but had never seen any of them in action. Finnochio's featured a female impersonator revue, and the show really blew my mind. The "gals" looked glamorous, there was an interesting variety of acts, and the whole show was performed live -- the impersonators did their own singing with a live band accompanying them. Now that took a whale of a lot of talent!

Unfortunately, the Finnochio's era was slightly before my time. I believe the place closed in 1993, but I was no where near San Francisco back then, and the only information I had was from a few magazines that the general public didn't read. The internet that we know and love today didn't exist back then.

Go to the YouTube web page and search for "Finnochios". The videos I am referencing are from 1980 and there are 8 or 9 parts, each 10 to 15 minutes in length. I found them very entertaining with a style of glamour that is not available here in 2012. The comments from some of the performers are priceless.

After building that time machine I'll need to buy a fancy dress from Hudson's Department Store, meet my friends for dinner, then pile into my little Nash-Rambler and head for Finnochio's. Sounds like a fun evening.

Kelli