I've been on a diet now for three weeks. The first two weeks were fantastic. I was eating a salad every evening for dinner. This salad would include a little bit of cheese, couple slices of red onion, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and some low fat dressing. I would wash it all down with a diet pop or water, AND I WAS LOOSING WEIGHT! I couldn't believe it. The pounds (and I have quite a few pounds to loose) were disappearing with ease, and I was enjoying the food. I kept that up for two weeks, and then decided I needed a change. That was a mistake.
I switched to low calorie / low fat foods and noticed almost immediately that not only had the weight loss stopped, it had started to reverse. This week, I'll be back on salads and liking it. I blame it all on my job, where I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day five days a week. With such inactivity, I have discovered that just the thought of something like southern fried chicken will cause me to gain... Oh, I need a larger girdle.
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Kelli is a very girly-type person. I like all things feminine and have no problem with that when I am home or with friends who know about Kelli. Problem is I seem to sometimes slip into Kelli mode (female mode) when I'm actually Kelly (male mode). Last week I was "ma'am"ed at the grocery store while talking to the cashier. Unfortunately, I was out as Kelly. Part of me loved it, and part of me was extremely annoyed.
I place the blame for this squarely at the feet of autogynephilia. With autogynephilia, I have this incredibly strong urge to picture myself as a woman, to fantasize that I am a woman, to do all of this in just my mind -- crossdressing and/or sex-change body modifications are not necessary. And most of my fantasies are quick little thoughts that can form in the mind and then vanish, or they take place when I can actually be Kelli (mentally and/or physically) for an extended amount of time. However, one fantasy I have has me as an actual woman who is trying to pass herself of as a man -- reverse crossdressing, if you will. In other words, I am Kelli, pretending to be Kelly. Doing that will get me "ma'am"ed every time.
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Speaking of quick fantasies, have you seen ads on television for those sneakers specially designed to tone-up your legs and butt. They always feature pretty, athletic women, and you find yourself thinking If only....
Kelli
Not to long ago Jim got me a little mini skirt he thought I'd look cute in. It was the first time he went shopping for feminine clothing for someone other than Amy. Needless to say he was a bit nervous, but managed to do it. A small secluded thrift store in another town with great prices. If he gets the chance, he may yet return.
ReplyDeleteWhen I tried the skirt on, something was really wrong. The skirt Jim picked out in a hurry was a size 8 and I am a 9. It's tight, but I can make it work if I really squeeze into it. Next time he'll know better.
Funny you should mention about slipping from one role to the other "internally". There were a few times when Amy and Jim were traveling back home on a long trip, and with Jim at the wheel, I would help them get home safely. There were a few other times I came on the scene, that's for another story.
Sarah