HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Pardon my exuberance, but I love Thanksgiving.  It has always been one of my favorite holidays, probably because it centers on love, family, and God.  I find it interesting that it is a federal holiday, established by proclamation of President Abraham Lincoln in 1863.  Today's federal government goes out of its way to portray itself as non-religious and totally secular, even to the embracing of the religion of humanism.  President Lincoln's attitude was that even in this dark time of a great civil war, we have much to be thankful for to God Almighty.


I have much to be thankful for -- health, family, place to live, etc.


I have to admit that I am not always thankful for being transgendered.  I mean, come on now, there have been times, especially in the past, that I have wished that part of my life miraculously dissappeared into thin air.  I see lots of insanity happening in this scenario.  I'm biologically a guy who likes to dress like a woman and mentally picture myself as a complete woman.  That's strange.  Why is that?  I don't know!  Further, many people are offended at seeing a man dressed as a woman.  Why should they care what I am wearing?  That's strange.  Why is that?  I don't know!  They see an actual woman wearing a pretty blouse and slacks and think nothing of it.  I wear the same pretty blouse and slacks and they say "You pervert!"  That's strange.  Why is that?  I don't know!  I'm not wearing anything obscene or immoral, yet I am overly, downright paranoid concerned about my clothes and overly value the false judgement of people I don't even know.  That's strange.  Why is that?  I don't know.


One item that has helped me in my personal life, especially these past few years, is trying to follow St. Paul's instructions when he wrote to give thanks in everything (I Thess. 5:18, i think).  When you read the book of Acts, you read that Paul experienced a lot of hardships in his life, like getting thrown into prison, being shipwrecked, being stoned, etc.  Yet it never slowed him down in his work for God, and you never see him having a pitty party, table for one.  Whatever happened to him, he felt it happened for a reason, and he ascertained that reason and continued on from there.


I've asked myself recently what it must be like as a "normal" guy to see a pretty gal.  I can't for the life of me really guess what he must be thinking, because no matter how strongly I may be attracted to her, I still have those other thoughts about how I wish I was as pretty, or if those shoes come in my size.  Well, praise the Lord, at least I live in a country where I can do that without fear of the police arresting me and taking me away for re-education or worse.  Thank the Lord I am free to assemble and converse with fellow transgendered people.  And I praise the Lord for the women He has brought into my life because I think my transgenderism gave me an insight and appreciation of these beautiful beings that no "normal" man could ever have or enjoy.


St. Paul said in all things give thanks.  Give it a try.  I can vouch that it helps.


Kelli

Describing My TGism...

Please consider the following picture:

I said in a previous post that I was not planning to post any pictures on my blog. That was before I came across this partial picture of a nude woman (thus making her only partially nude, and keeping my blog relatively family friendly) and realized this presented a great opportunity to describe my transgenderism.

I know from associating with various "normal" guys that if you present them with such a beautiful woman (clothed or not), you will hear responses such as: Whoa! Dang! Check out the [insert favorite body part here] on her! What I wouldn't do to her in bed! Etc., etc. The old notion that guys generally have one thing on their mind when dealing with women seems to be true. Guys generally take great pride in their sex drive.

For a transgendered person such as myself, that is normally not the first thing I think about when I see an attractive woman. If I like the clothes she is wearing, I'll find myself thinking That would look good even on me! or I'd have to work on my waistline before I tried something like that on. I might find myself envying her hair or her figure. I've known women who completely changed their look just by knowing how to use makeup correctly, and I have always been amazed by that. Or I might find myself wishing that I could just be myself (female) and do what she is doing, whether it's walking down the street, having a cup of coffee in a cafe, or working in an office.

Instead of aspiring to manly ambitions, goals, and models, like becoming a great sports hero, scaling Mt. Everest, or having my own private harem, I was born with some "crossed wires" so I would much rather aspire to be pretty, successful, and attractive. Instead of the little boy idolizing his big brother, I'm the little girl idolizing her big sister. Freud said men have penis envy. I've got Venus envy! That's what makes me (transgendered/autogynephiliac) different from guys.

An incredibly strong fantasy life is one of the hallmarks of autogynephilia. These fantasies of mine can leave me physically aching in my desire to be female, yet a sense of relief when I leave that fantasy world and face the real world as a man. Even "leaving" my fantasies for reality is not the end of the story as I personally keep some fantasies with me at all times (more on that later). Autogynephilia is as much if not more so in the mind rather than the body, and those thoughts and desires sometimes seem to take on a life and energy that I just can't seem to stop.

In a world filled with all makes and models of women (sorry for the car terminology), there is no end to the inspiration of my fantasies. For those reading my blog who are transgendered, how many times have you turned on the tv and seen an ad for some amazing body fitness product that used a beautiful model in a bikini. That model spoke on how the fitness device got her into the sexy shape that she now enjoyed and you thought to yourself If only it would work that well on me! I doubt very seriously that "normal" guys have thoughts like that.

When you take a step back and look at a situation like mine, you have to smile a little and possibly even laugh a little. There are people out there with various character quirks and hang-ups that sound ridiculous, but have debilitating results. My "quirk" sounds just as silly as some of theirs -- I like to dress, fantasize, and take on the role of a woman. By the grace and guidance of The Good Lord, I've learned to live with this "quirk" (even embrace it at times) without debilitating results, going out of my mind, or chopping off unnecessary body parts.

Kelli