Can't Wait Until It's Invented!

I remember many years ago, as a child, watching The Flintstones on television. It was a cartoon about a prehistoric family that lived a surprisingly modern life. For example, they had a garbage disposal in the kitchen sink. The gag was that it was actually a wart hog that lived under the sink that ate the garbage. Hey, it's a living.

Another gag they frequently used was someone needing something that had not yet been invented, and that person saying they were looking forward to someone inventing it. I told a group of kids once that when I was a kid, you would often find us on a hot summer day sitting on the porch, bored silly, because video games had not yet been invented, and we couldn't wait for someone to invent them. My sense of humor was never recognized by those kids.

However, I have recognized the possibilities of deciding what future items need to be invented, and offer some TG specific ideas:

We'll start with undergarments. I was shocked the first time I saw an advertisement for Hanes Her Way or Jockey For Her. Every guy knew these brand names, but certainly never associated them with female underwear. The product seems to be very popular, and no one these days gives this a second thought. It seems safe to now suggest that someone needs to invent Bali For Him and Playtex His Way. The marketing possibilities are endless. Next door to every Victoria's Secret, we could have a new store called Victor's Secret.

How about some shoes. I personally don't have very much trouble finding women's shoes that fit, but have seen one specific type of shoe that I really want. It's those specially designed sneakers designed to firm and tone the legs and butt. I want my legs and butt (especially the butt) to look more like those of the female models who sell the shoes. I challenge Madison Avenue to hire a male model, have him use those shoes religiously for six months, and show me if they will do what I want them to do. Then, I will happily pay $75 for a pair of sneakers.

It seems using makeup on a super model is like adding a four-barrel carburetor to the rockets on the space shuttle. She already has a natural beauty that most of us guys would kill for. Put one of us in that beautician's chair and slather on the moisturizers, the skin toners, the cleansers. Wax, tweeze, cut, and perm our hair until perfect. Show me a make-up color palette that would put a rainbow to shame. Make-up that could actually improve my face is the make-up I want.

And speaking of make-up, in my early days, I was known to use a little too much of the good stuff. Imagine the laugh I got when I saw an infomercial on television for an air-brush make-up applicator. Sounds like a great idea, but too dainty for the average Joe (or Josie). My designs call for a standard paint-gun sprayer hooked up to a moderately sized air compressor. Tape off the areas where you do not want to apply any makeup, fire-up the compressor, and let it go! [NOTE: Do not try this at home. Let someone who claims to be a trained professional try it first. If they survive, then maybe consider it....]

These are just a few of my ideas. However, I freely put them out there to the general public in case some free-thinking entrepeneur/inventor has the ability to take the ideas from the drawing board to the finished product. I look forward to a future date when I look back in time and think I remember when I wished someone would invent that.

Kelli

Various and Sundry Updates, August 19, 2010

Hello from Kelli World! Hope your summer is going swimmingly.

I've been on a diet now for three weeks. The first two weeks were fantastic. I was eating a salad every evening for dinner. This salad would include a little bit of cheese, couple slices of red onion, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and some low fat dressing. I would wash it all down with a diet pop or water, AND I WAS LOOSING WEIGHT! I couldn't believe it. The pounds (and I have quite a few pounds to loose) were disappearing with ease, and I was enjoying the food. I kept that up for two weeks, and then decided I needed a change. That was a mistake.

I switched to low calorie / low fat foods and noticed almost immediately that not only had the weight loss stopped, it had started to reverse. This week, I'll be back on salads and liking it. I blame it all on my job, where I sit behind a desk for eight hours a day five days a week. With such inactivity, I have discovered that just the thought of something like southern fried chicken will cause me to gain... Oh, I need a larger girdle.

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Kelli is a very girly-type person. I like all things feminine and have no problem with that when I am home or with friends who know about Kelli. Problem is I seem to sometimes slip into Kelli mode (female mode) when I'm actually Kelly (male mode). Last week I was "ma'am"ed at the grocery store while talking to the cashier. Unfortunately, I was out as Kelly. Part of me loved it, and part of me was extremely annoyed.

I place the blame for this squarely at the feet of autogynephilia. With autogynephilia, I have this incredibly strong urge to picture myself as a woman, to fantasize that I am a woman, to do all of this in just my mind -- crossdressing and/or sex-change body modifications are not necessary. And most of my fantasies are quick little thoughts that can form in the mind and then vanish, or they take place when I can actually be Kelli (mentally and/or physically) for an extended amount of time. However, one fantasy I have has me as an actual woman who is trying to pass herself of as a man -- reverse crossdressing, if you will. In other words, I am Kelli, pretending to be Kelly. Doing that will get me "ma'am"ed every time.

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Speaking of quick fantasies, have you seen ads on television for those sneakers specially designed to tone-up your legs and butt. They always feature pretty, athletic women, and you find yourself thinking If only....

Kelli

"Are You Gay?"

When I came out to my last girlfriend, that was one of (if not the) first questions she asked me: "Are you gay?" I assured her I was not gay, but at the time, I needed reassuring myself. The time was the early 1990s, and although I had studied and read up on terms like crossdressing, transvestism, and transsexualism, it would be several more years before I heard the term "autogynephilia".

Fortunately, I told her the truth, even though I was not certain at the time. I had gone through several bad relationships, and one day put 2 and 2 together and figured there was the possibility that I was gay. Let's look at the facts. Fact one -- I enjoyed dressing in women's clothes. Fact two -- I had always dated women and never even considered anything romantic with another man. Fact three -- in many of my fantasies and daydreams, I was often a woman with another woman. Fact four -- in many of my fantasies and daydreams, I was often a woman with a man. Three out of four of those facts screamed "Gay!" at me.

I figured I should consider the possibility that I was gay. After a few talks with some gay friends and a quick perusal of some gay "romance novels", I was quickly convinced that as a man, I did not want, did not desire, did not have the slightest inclination to be romantic with another man. However, I was still confused. Here is what I now knew: in reality, I like women; in fantasy, I liked both.

I knew that in my fantasies I wanted to be a woman. That along with my general feelings on crossdressing led me to believe I might be transsexual. Much literature on the subject written back then suggested that many transsexuals had experienced shifts in their sexual preferences, and I figured that in a worse case scenario, I would be bi-sexual, and hoped that correcting all the "plumbing" would make me a straight woman in search of a good man.

After dating my girlfriend for awhile, I began counselling on my transgenderism. My doctor was very practical in his outlook and very helpful. I asked him one day if he thought I was gay. He asked if I dated men or women, and I replied women. He told me I was straight. I then brought up the subject of my fantasy in which I was a woman with a man. He told me I was straight. I asked how he could be so sure. He replied that I was fantasizing about a man and a woman having sex -- what was gay about that? I answered that it was gay because I was the woman in the fantasy. I then started to see what he was getting at, and realized I still had a lot more work to do in figuring out my fantasies. Even if I did work at deciphering my fantasies, they were still just fantasies. In real life I was physically male and enjoyed dating women. Fantasies would never change that.

Fantasies are not real. Fantasies are not factual. If one of your fantasies were to come true, there is no guarantee that you would like that fantasy as a reality. Fantasies are just a variation on the classic daydream. Ever have a daydream about going skinny-dipping in a mountain spring on a hot day? My real experiences with mountain springs tells me they are usually a bit cold for skinny-dipping.

I'm confident in my sexuality these days, even if the trip to that destination was a bit convoluted.

Kelli