Terror On 17th Street Update

Things have calmed down a bit at my place, and I'm overjoyed to say that I think the mouse is gone. True to their reputation, the critter appeared out of nowhere and returned to nowhere. I don't know how he got in and I don't know how he got out. I do have a theory as to why he visited my place, and those circumstances have been dealt with and eliminated for the moment. In the end, only I know how badly my tough guy image was shattered. It could have been worse... I could have been an elephant.

Was reminded of the movie Shallow Hal in which a guy is hypnotized into seeing people as they really are on the inside. For example, his girlfriend is incredibly... ah... er... heavy... no, maybe large is the word.... Anyways, he is hypnotized to see the inner person which is a funny, sweet, beautiful young woman. Fleeing from this mouse made me glad no one could see my inner sissy. Still, if such hypnotism actually existed, bad things would actually look bad to you and you could avoid them. For example, that peeping Tom that use to live down the street from me would look like the creep that he is, or that chocolate Sundae that I enjoy so much doesn't look so good when it has moved to your waist. Then again, why am I considering the pros and cons of something that doesn't even exist in the first place? I'll blame the mouse for this one.

My private life sometimes sounds like I live in some sort of institution decorated with plush wallpaper, but I really do live a normal life and can come or go as I please from my apartment. Only difference is that I'm a guy who sometimes wears sneakers and sometimes wears heels when I'm on the move.

Go Red Wings!!!

Kelli

There's A Mouse In My House

This is not funny. There is a mouse in my house, and I'm just a little bit... ah... nervous about it.

I had just locked the front door for the night and was picking up a box on the dining room floor when I thought I saw something move in the kitchen. I stood still for a moment, then saw a large mouse scamper from behind the stove to the far end of the kitchen and somehow disappear. I can only say that he "somehow" disappeared because I took off running in the opposite direction. Yuck! I hate mice!

I threw on some clothes and ran out to buy some traps. I really, really, really wished I was a girl at the moment as most people could sympathize with a fretful young woman buying mouse traps, but a big, strong, fretful man buying mouse traps is a bit ridiculous. Okay, I'm not that big and strong, but it still doesn't look right. I really hate mice.

Returned home and started setting the traps. Oh, if one of those varmints had jumped out at me I would have jumped up on the nearest chair or counter top and screamed. I set two mechanical traps and two glue traps. I really wished the store sold something more drastic like land mines and unmanned drones, but beggars can't be choosers. I'm calling the landlady tomorrow. I hate mice.

I turned out the lights and retired to my bedroom, but didn't really feel like going to bed. Began updating blogs and such when I heard one of the mechanical traps go off. I put on my shoes, cautiously entered the living room, and turned on the light. Everything okay. I entered the dining room and turned on the light. So far, so good. I peered into the kitchen but could only see one trap, and it was still set. I turned on the light and actually entered the kitchen only to find that the trap closest to the kitchen door had been sprung, and there was no mouse in it. Now I knew, that sadistic little monster was toying with me. I turned out the lights and returned to the bedroom. This is going to be a long night. I hate mice.

All of this has got me feeling like a complete sissy. It's bad enough to look like a guy but feel like a woman inside. It really messes with my mind when I find myself acting like a "stereotypical" woman in certain situations, and for the record, I have never made fun or laughed at a woman because she was scared of mice. I share total empathy on this subject because I hate mice too.

I'm now barricaded in my bedroom, armed with a broom and several shoes, waiting for daylight or the sound of another trap in motion. It's times like this I'm glad I have always given general instructions for my funeral ("Just bury me in my best suit" male or female, "I want to look as natural as possible" male or female, etc.), just in case that devil mouse gets the better of me tonight. Dang it, I'm just plain old scared of mice!

Kelli

Happy Anniversary... To Me...

Came across this picture sometime during my internet surfing adventures, and thanks to my little ol' autogynephiliac brain, I immediately knew what was happening. Once again, some poor guy has been involved in a terrible accident, knocked unconscious, taken to the hospital, mistakenly given a sex change operation, and has awaken to find he is now a gorgeous, curvaceous, sexaceous (probably not a real word) gal. At least in the world of TG fiction, one man's tragedy can be another man's unfulfilled dreams.

Given the number of times this scenario plays out everyday in real life (approximately 0 times a day), it seems a bit odd this would be such a popular storyline. However, I'm not a critic, just a fan of non-pornographic TG fiction, and I probably enjoy dreaming about such stories as much if not more than the next TG person.

This humble little blog celebrates its first anniversary today (Yay!). In retrospect, I haven't accomplished all I wanted to do in the first year, yet at the same time, I was fully prepared to have no "followers" much less passing readers during the first year. I just wanted a little spot on the www to tell people I was a conservative Christian transgendered person and to let others who consider themselves the same that they were not alone. Praise the Lord, I've done that, I've met others like me, and they in turn have met others. I know how encouraging it can be to a person to find out that they are not alone, yet I am available to fill the role of a lone voice crying in the wilderness anytime that is needed.

It seems that the first year anniversary is the paper anniversary, so it is also a bit odd that the internet has done much to eliminate the need for paper and traditional printed communication. Over twenty years ago, I received the Grace and Lace newsletter in the mail. It was a simple, mostly typewritten little paper, carefully photocopied and mailed out in a plain white envelope. The publication schedule was a bit random, but the publisher, Lee Frances Heller, had a love for the Lord and for His people that shone through the pages of that newsletter. I never knew Ms. Heller personally, but I like to think that in addition to passing on the Lord's love to others, I'm continuing her type of ministry in a small way.

Returning to the picture and storyline mentioned at the start of this post, I myself am a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain and would probably not like to find myself literally in the same situation. However, I am totally open-minded to the possibility of sci-fi transporter device malfunctions, male-female body switches, landlady forcing me to dress like a girl, and prescription drug mishaps that cause my estrogen to spike and my body to feminize. We shall see what the next year brings.

Kelli

Don't Know Anything About Breasts

Saw a story on the television news recently that scientists are having amazing success growing female breast tissue. The breast tissue is the person's own body tissue, so there are no problems with implants or tissue rejection. Doctors are worried about cancer cells in the new tissue, as they theorize the acceleration process in growing healthy cells could also accelerate diseased cells. Also, they don't seem to have a way to definitely stop the growth process, and say it is possible the breast tissue could continue to grow out of control.

All this exciting news really sent my little ol' TG'd brain into overdrive. Growing my own female breasts would be a dream come true, and who knows what else they might be able to grow by the time they perfect this process.

The shape and form of the female body has always been incredibly important to me. Some crossdressers are happy to just put on a dress and maybe a wig. They would never pass in a million years. The female shape and form has always been intensely important to me since my earliest crossdressing days. It was never just enough to put on female clothes. I had to make my body as feminine as possible.

For example, I always wanted a corset, but could never afford one. I solved this problem by buying several old leather belts and cinching them up as tight as I could stand. I would have four or five belts on at time, making certain my feminine waist was the smallest point and the other belts not cinched as tightly.

I saw an advertisement for a crossdresser's padded garment designed to give the hips and thighs a more womanly figure. After experimenting on my own, I found I could get some cotton padding from a craft store, cut it to size and shape, and with the help of a good pair of pantyhose, achieve feminine hips and butt.

The breasts were a bigger challenge to me. I have a bit more up top than most men and could achieve some decent effects with taping and falsies, but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted a pair of breasts that would have the straightest, most homophobic man in town drooling all over himself like the village idiot when he saw me, and a padded bra just wouldn't do the trick.

By accident, I heard about latex prosthetics used in theatrical productions and saw some pictures of female impersonators using fake bosoms. Good heavens! That was the answer! So I found a book with instructions for making latex prosthetics and memorized it. I bought some plaster, some petroleum jelly, shaved my body, and made a mold of my upper torso. That was the easy part, and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.

Next came the hard part: making boobs out of modeling clay and putting them on my plaster torso. I am not an artist in the realm of sculpture. Heck, little kids often have to ask what I am trying to make out of kid dough. I could not make a pair of breasts that I was satisfied with.

I then began studying female breasts for several months. I girl watched every chance I could get. I read fashion magazines and bought lingerie catalogs. I read health books at the library. My attention was riveted on television news reports about women's breasts (cosmetic surgery, health, fashion, etc.). Mind you, I didn't consider myself any sort of pervert... I just wanted a great pair of breasts!

However my studies could not make-up for my lack of talent with sculpting, so I packed everything away for future experiments and concentrated on using fashion -- proper bra size, padding, breast placement, etc. -- to achieve a look I could be happy with.

Around that time I came out to my girlfriend. It was still early in the relationship, and she was going to meet some fellow crossdressers. She was helping me get dressed and we were talking as I put on my bra and got my breasts arranged.

"You're not going to wear your bra like that, are you?" she asked.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I mentally reviewed all the fashion magazines I had read, all the catalogs I had memorized, and all the girl-watching subjects I had referenced.

"Yes," I replied, "does something not look right?"

"Oh dear, you don't know the first thing about women's breasts," she informed.

Kelli

Odds & Ends

Sorry for the lack of updates. I recently found myself marooned on a small island after getting off-course while internet surfing. I survived on a diet of coconuts and pineapples while making enough grass skirts to trade to local natives for a canoe (okay, I was actually sick and snowbound here in the states). Returned to find a few noteworthy TG items....

Had a good laugh watching "Two and a Half Men". Allen's dark side manifested itself as a reflection in the mirror. At the end of the episode, Allen has had enough of his dark side and tells him to lighten up. Allen's lighter side then appears in the mirror and it's a female version of Allen. That was probably very scary to the Allen character.

Tonight, David Letterman was getting names confused and ended up focusing on Jim Bailey, female impersonator. Just found it interesting as you don't hear very many professional female impersonators mentioned in pop media these days.

Having spent a lot of time in Amarillo, Texas, I never thought I would be writing this, but the upcoming mayoral race is interesting to say the least. The quiet little panhandle town, known for its oil and gas industry, cattle industry, arid climate, and favorite vacation spot of Oprah Winfrey (NOT!) now has its first transgendered candidate for mayor. Current opponents include a used car salesman, and an outspoken conservative preacher known for burning the Koran and trying to close down an alleged swinger's club. Stay tuned, America!

I have a list of crossdressers I have known who looked beautiful and could easily pass until they opened their mouth to talk. Think of that old gag in The Three Stooges short subjects where the boys meet a gorgeous woman, tell her how beautiful she is, and she answers in a gruff, tough-guy voice "Gee! Tanks fellas!" Anyway, I can now add Andrej Pejic to the list. Andrej models female clothing on the fashion catwalks and looks fantastic. Then I saw some sound bites of him talking on Inside Edition. He sounded like a goofy French surfer guy or video game addict. It was very disconcerting.

I enjoy surfing around blogs that focus on various gender issues. From time to time I have noticed a few blogs that seem to have been involuntarily removed, and that causes a bit of concern and bewilderment on my part. For example, I frequently read one particular blog that dealt with gender role reversal. I don't remember it being X-rated, perhaps just a bit racy from time to time. Heaven knows it's easier to find the X-rated stuff out there than the PG or R-rated stuff. So imagine my surprise when I went to the site one day and there was a notice saying it had been removed and the URL was no longer available. Does this mean the site was censored by removing it? I really don't know too much about this internet thingy. Putting a "kill switch" on it sounds like something out of a James Bond picture. Oh! To be a Bond girl....

I'm back home from my temporary island imprisonment. The snow has melted and I'm feeling much better, thank-you.

Kelli

Rubber Ducky

Heavenly days! I enjoy shaving my legs. Don't know if I am the only one who feels this way, but the entire process has become an elaborate ritual at my place with lots of soap, lots of perfumed oils, lots of lotion and moisturizer, and lots of hot water in the old bath tub.

Since my legs had been neglected for the past several months, I started with the gasoline-powered weed wacker (I mean... electric hair clippers). That was followed by filling the tub with hot water, throwing in some soap, adding a little oil, installing a new heavy-duty blade in my razor, and turning on the radio in the bedroom. Now that I have finished, I once again wonder why I don't do this more often. My legs always feel energized and rejuvenated after a good shave. I feel like I could enter a dance marathon and easily win it. I feel bouncy and bubbly and ready for anything the world could throw my way.

GGs (genetic gals) would probably read those statements and throw up their hands in disgust. I'm sure such mundane chores as shaving the legs are classified under the category of "The Things We Have To Endure For Our Men" which is looked forward to with the same eager anticipation as tweezing the brows, shaving the pits, and bleaching the facial hair. I would assume most women look past this hygene chore to what comes next -- shopping, a night out, or a night in (with the right person). If only they could sympathize and empathize with me!

Shaving is just one of the preliminary steps to actually being me -- Kelli! It is a precursor to even more mundane female rituals such as tweezing the brows, shaving the pits, mowing the facial hair, all to the point where I can put on the proper clothes and not only be Kelli, but look like Kelli. There's a part of me that gets tired of seeing some guy looking back at me when I see a mirror. That's the limit to my crossdreaming. Now I'm ready to be as physically close to being Kelli as possible (my mind is already there).

See ya later alligator!

Kelli

2011 Resolutions

Friday is the last day of 2010, so I should probably get a few New Year's Resolutions ready for 2011. Some are holdovers from last year that I managed to keep, but want to keep improving. Some are resolutions from the past that I remember making, but don't remember doing a thing about them, and then I have a few new ones. My New Year Resolutions include:

1. Improving my appearance as Kelli. Autogynephilia lures me into a false state of being. For most of the time, I am perfectly happy to mentally be Kelli and physically appear as my male side, Kelly. Yet, take tonight as an example of the not normal. Tonight I want very much to dress the part of Kelli and go out, but first I'd better attack my legs. They haven't enjoyed a nice hair removal in several months. Bring on the gasoline-powered Weed Eater!
2. Improve my knowledge and dexterity of makeup. The best way to learn about makeup is do some reading (fashion magazines, etc.) and then practice, practice, practice. That was the advice my last girlfriend gave me. She had a part-time business of selling makeup door to door and helped me out with a few freebies and coaching. Remembering those good times makes me almost forget why we broke up.
3. Lose weight!!! Curse this boring desk job that I have. Wait, let me re-phrase that. I like my job, but I sit at a desk for eight hours a day. I am now convinced that I only have to read an ad for a restaurant in a newspaper to instantly gain two pounds. I've been researching things I can do at my desk or in the office that will help burn off a few calories, but I will probably rely very heavily on diet, which brings me to my next resolution.
4. Improve my diet and cooking skills. I do fine cooking basic things, but have never tried anything that involved lots of ingredients or procedures. I love fresh veggies and would probably eat more if I were more experienced in cooking them many different ways. Eating more veggies along with not reading restaurant ads (see #3 above) I know will help me loose weight.
5. Exercise. 'Nuff said. Who doesn't include this one in their resolutions.
6. Improve this blog. I had some specific purposes and goals when I started this blog, and some of them got pushed to the side as I got distracted by various happenings in life. I hope to revisit some of these goals, better connect with my readers, and have a blog that people enjoy.

I thank each and every person who has read my blog. I appreciate each and every one and I'm working to improve my writing. As of this evening, I have 22 people signed on as regular visitors, and I am deeply honored by each and every one. I did research before starting my blog earlier this year and was fully prepared to not have any readers for a long time. Thanks.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!

Okay, I found the Weed Eater, now where's the hedge trimmer for the bush?

Kelli