Happy Anniversary... To Me...

Came across this picture sometime during my internet surfing adventures, and thanks to my little ol' autogynephiliac brain, I immediately knew what was happening. Once again, some poor guy has been involved in a terrible accident, knocked unconscious, taken to the hospital, mistakenly given a sex change operation, and has awaken to find he is now a gorgeous, curvaceous, sexaceous (probably not a real word) gal. At least in the world of TG fiction, one man's tragedy can be another man's unfulfilled dreams.

Given the number of times this scenario plays out everyday in real life (approximately 0 times a day), it seems a bit odd this would be such a popular storyline. However, I'm not a critic, just a fan of non-pornographic TG fiction, and I probably enjoy dreaming about such stories as much if not more than the next TG person.

This humble little blog celebrates its first anniversary today (Yay!). In retrospect, I haven't accomplished all I wanted to do in the first year, yet at the same time, I was fully prepared to have no "followers" much less passing readers during the first year. I just wanted a little spot on the www to tell people I was a conservative Christian transgendered person and to let others who consider themselves the same that they were not alone. Praise the Lord, I've done that, I've met others like me, and they in turn have met others. I know how encouraging it can be to a person to find out that they are not alone, yet I am available to fill the role of a lone voice crying in the wilderness anytime that is needed.

It seems that the first year anniversary is the paper anniversary, so it is also a bit odd that the internet has done much to eliminate the need for paper and traditional printed communication. Over twenty years ago, I received the Grace and Lace newsletter in the mail. It was a simple, mostly typewritten little paper, carefully photocopied and mailed out in a plain white envelope. The publication schedule was a bit random, but the publisher, Lee Frances Heller, had a love for the Lord and for His people that shone through the pages of that newsletter. I never knew Ms. Heller personally, but I like to think that in addition to passing on the Lord's love to others, I'm continuing her type of ministry in a small way.

Returning to the picture and storyline mentioned at the start of this post, I myself am a bit of a wuss when it comes to pain and would probably not like to find myself literally in the same situation. However, I am totally open-minded to the possibility of sci-fi transporter device malfunctions, male-female body switches, landlady forcing me to dress like a girl, and prescription drug mishaps that cause my estrogen to spike and my body to feminize. We shall see what the next year brings.

Kelli

Don't Know Anything About Breasts

Saw a story on the television news recently that scientists are having amazing success growing female breast tissue. The breast tissue is the person's own body tissue, so there are no problems with implants or tissue rejection. Doctors are worried about cancer cells in the new tissue, as they theorize the acceleration process in growing healthy cells could also accelerate diseased cells. Also, they don't seem to have a way to definitely stop the growth process, and say it is possible the breast tissue could continue to grow out of control.

All this exciting news really sent my little ol' TG'd brain into overdrive. Growing my own female breasts would be a dream come true, and who knows what else they might be able to grow by the time they perfect this process.

The shape and form of the female body has always been incredibly important to me. Some crossdressers are happy to just put on a dress and maybe a wig. They would never pass in a million years. The female shape and form has always been intensely important to me since my earliest crossdressing days. It was never just enough to put on female clothes. I had to make my body as feminine as possible.

For example, I always wanted a corset, but could never afford one. I solved this problem by buying several old leather belts and cinching them up as tight as I could stand. I would have four or five belts on at time, making certain my feminine waist was the smallest point and the other belts not cinched as tightly.

I saw an advertisement for a crossdresser's padded garment designed to give the hips and thighs a more womanly figure. After experimenting on my own, I found I could get some cotton padding from a craft store, cut it to size and shape, and with the help of a good pair of pantyhose, achieve feminine hips and butt.

The breasts were a bigger challenge to me. I have a bit more up top than most men and could achieve some decent effects with taping and falsies, but it wasn't enough for me. I wanted a pair of breasts that would have the straightest, most homophobic man in town drooling all over himself like the village idiot when he saw me, and a padded bra just wouldn't do the trick.

By accident, I heard about latex prosthetics used in theatrical productions and saw some pictures of female impersonators using fake bosoms. Good heavens! That was the answer! So I found a book with instructions for making latex prosthetics and memorized it. I bought some plaster, some petroleum jelly, shaved my body, and made a mold of my upper torso. That was the easy part, and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.

Next came the hard part: making boobs out of modeling clay and putting them on my plaster torso. I am not an artist in the realm of sculpture. Heck, little kids often have to ask what I am trying to make out of kid dough. I could not make a pair of breasts that I was satisfied with.

I then began studying female breasts for several months. I girl watched every chance I could get. I read fashion magazines and bought lingerie catalogs. I read health books at the library. My attention was riveted on television news reports about women's breasts (cosmetic surgery, health, fashion, etc.). Mind you, I didn't consider myself any sort of pervert... I just wanted a great pair of breasts!

However my studies could not make-up for my lack of talent with sculpting, so I packed everything away for future experiments and concentrated on using fashion -- proper bra size, padding, breast placement, etc. -- to achieve a look I could be happy with.

Around that time I came out to my girlfriend. It was still early in the relationship, and she was going to meet some fellow crossdressers. She was helping me get dressed and we were talking as I put on my bra and got my breasts arranged.

"You're not going to wear your bra like that, are you?" she asked.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I mentally reviewed all the fashion magazines I had read, all the catalogs I had memorized, and all the girl-watching subjects I had referenced.

"Yes," I replied, "does something not look right?"

"Oh dear, you don't know the first thing about women's breasts," she informed.

Kelli

Odds & Ends

Sorry for the lack of updates. I recently found myself marooned on a small island after getting off-course while internet surfing. I survived on a diet of coconuts and pineapples while making enough grass skirts to trade to local natives for a canoe (okay, I was actually sick and snowbound here in the states). Returned to find a few noteworthy TG items....

Had a good laugh watching "Two and a Half Men". Allen's dark side manifested itself as a reflection in the mirror. At the end of the episode, Allen has had enough of his dark side and tells him to lighten up. Allen's lighter side then appears in the mirror and it's a female version of Allen. That was probably very scary to the Allen character.

Tonight, David Letterman was getting names confused and ended up focusing on Jim Bailey, female impersonator. Just found it interesting as you don't hear very many professional female impersonators mentioned in pop media these days.

Having spent a lot of time in Amarillo, Texas, I never thought I would be writing this, but the upcoming mayoral race is interesting to say the least. The quiet little panhandle town, known for its oil and gas industry, cattle industry, arid climate, and favorite vacation spot of Oprah Winfrey (NOT!) now has its first transgendered candidate for mayor. Current opponents include a used car salesman, and an outspoken conservative preacher known for burning the Koran and trying to close down an alleged swinger's club. Stay tuned, America!

I have a list of crossdressers I have known who looked beautiful and could easily pass until they opened their mouth to talk. Think of that old gag in The Three Stooges short subjects where the boys meet a gorgeous woman, tell her how beautiful she is, and she answers in a gruff, tough-guy voice "Gee! Tanks fellas!" Anyway, I can now add Andrej Pejic to the list. Andrej models female clothing on the fashion catwalks and looks fantastic. Then I saw some sound bites of him talking on Inside Edition. He sounded like a goofy French surfer guy or video game addict. It was very disconcerting.

I enjoy surfing around blogs that focus on various gender issues. From time to time I have noticed a few blogs that seem to have been involuntarily removed, and that causes a bit of concern and bewilderment on my part. For example, I frequently read one particular blog that dealt with gender role reversal. I don't remember it being X-rated, perhaps just a bit racy from time to time. Heaven knows it's easier to find the X-rated stuff out there than the PG or R-rated stuff. So imagine my surprise when I went to the site one day and there was a notice saying it had been removed and the URL was no longer available. Does this mean the site was censored by removing it? I really don't know too much about this internet thingy. Putting a "kill switch" on it sounds like something out of a James Bond picture. Oh! To be a Bond girl....

I'm back home from my temporary island imprisonment. The snow has melted and I'm feeling much better, thank-you.

Kelli

Rubber Ducky

Heavenly days! I enjoy shaving my legs. Don't know if I am the only one who feels this way, but the entire process has become an elaborate ritual at my place with lots of soap, lots of perfumed oils, lots of lotion and moisturizer, and lots of hot water in the old bath tub.

Since my legs had been neglected for the past several months, I started with the gasoline-powered weed wacker (I mean... electric hair clippers). That was followed by filling the tub with hot water, throwing in some soap, adding a little oil, installing a new heavy-duty blade in my razor, and turning on the radio in the bedroom. Now that I have finished, I once again wonder why I don't do this more often. My legs always feel energized and rejuvenated after a good shave. I feel like I could enter a dance marathon and easily win it. I feel bouncy and bubbly and ready for anything the world could throw my way.

GGs (genetic gals) would probably read those statements and throw up their hands in disgust. I'm sure such mundane chores as shaving the legs are classified under the category of "The Things We Have To Endure For Our Men" which is looked forward to with the same eager anticipation as tweezing the brows, shaving the pits, and bleaching the facial hair. I would assume most women look past this hygene chore to what comes next -- shopping, a night out, or a night in (with the right person). If only they could sympathize and empathize with me!

Shaving is just one of the preliminary steps to actually being me -- Kelli! It is a precursor to even more mundane female rituals such as tweezing the brows, shaving the pits, mowing the facial hair, all to the point where I can put on the proper clothes and not only be Kelli, but look like Kelli. There's a part of me that gets tired of seeing some guy looking back at me when I see a mirror. That's the limit to my crossdreaming. Now I'm ready to be as physically close to being Kelli as possible (my mind is already there).

See ya later alligator!

Kelli

2011 Resolutions

Friday is the last day of 2010, so I should probably get a few New Year's Resolutions ready for 2011. Some are holdovers from last year that I managed to keep, but want to keep improving. Some are resolutions from the past that I remember making, but don't remember doing a thing about them, and then I have a few new ones. My New Year Resolutions include:

1. Improving my appearance as Kelli. Autogynephilia lures me into a false state of being. For most of the time, I am perfectly happy to mentally be Kelli and physically appear as my male side, Kelly. Yet, take tonight as an example of the not normal. Tonight I want very much to dress the part of Kelli and go out, but first I'd better attack my legs. They haven't enjoyed a nice hair removal in several months. Bring on the gasoline-powered Weed Eater!
2. Improve my knowledge and dexterity of makeup. The best way to learn about makeup is do some reading (fashion magazines, etc.) and then practice, practice, practice. That was the advice my last girlfriend gave me. She had a part-time business of selling makeup door to door and helped me out with a few freebies and coaching. Remembering those good times makes me almost forget why we broke up.
3. Lose weight!!! Curse this boring desk job that I have. Wait, let me re-phrase that. I like my job, but I sit at a desk for eight hours a day. I am now convinced that I only have to read an ad for a restaurant in a newspaper to instantly gain two pounds. I've been researching things I can do at my desk or in the office that will help burn off a few calories, but I will probably rely very heavily on diet, which brings me to my next resolution.
4. Improve my diet and cooking skills. I do fine cooking basic things, but have never tried anything that involved lots of ingredients or procedures. I love fresh veggies and would probably eat more if I were more experienced in cooking them many different ways. Eating more veggies along with not reading restaurant ads (see #3 above) I know will help me loose weight.
5. Exercise. 'Nuff said. Who doesn't include this one in their resolutions.
6. Improve this blog. I had some specific purposes and goals when I started this blog, and some of them got pushed to the side as I got distracted by various happenings in life. I hope to revisit some of these goals, better connect with my readers, and have a blog that people enjoy.

I thank each and every person who has read my blog. I appreciate each and every one and I'm working to improve my writing. As of this evening, I have 22 people signed on as regular visitors, and I am deeply honored by each and every one. I did research before starting my blog earlier this year and was fully prepared to not have any readers for a long time. Thanks.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!!!

Okay, I found the Weed Eater, now where's the hedge trimmer for the bush?

Kelli

Merry Christmas!!!

I truly hope each and every one has a very merry Christmas and a joyous New Year. Here at Kelli's compound we are counting down the hours and minutes to Santa's arrival and looking forward to all the wonderful gifts he has for the good girls and boys.

Christmas is first and foremost a religious observance in my house. It is a time to celebrate the birth of our Saviour. There are not enough hours in the day for all the Christmas carols to be sung, all the special church services to be attended, all the friends and family to be visited, and all the prayers of praise and thanks to be offered. Still, somehow, we manage a little time to visit with jolly old Saint Nick, and I would truly miss him if he didn't stop in.

Lots of folks these days have decided that Santa Claus is operating in direct opposition to Christmas and the reasons we celebrate this holy day. Whether or not others like or dislike Santa Claus makes no difference to me. I would like to point out that the earliest stories and legends of Saint Nick portray him as a man of God, a poor man who decided to celebrate Christmas by giving gifts to local boys and girls. This man seems to have been purely motivated by love, his only thanks in the smiles and happiness of the children.

In my book, that would make Santa Clause an example of Christ. God gave His most precious jewel, His Son, to us because of His love for us, and all we can do is accept this gift (though some reject it) with joy and thanks.

One of my favorite Christmas decorations of all time is a nativity scene with Joseph, Mary, the baby in the manger, and kneeling by the manger with his head bowed is a jolly old man with a white beard dressed in a red suit. It's all about balance and priorities -- Christ first.

So tonight I'll put on my favorite nightie, jump into bed and get those sugarplums dancing in my head. Santa will pay his yearly visit and leave me something pretty to open on Christmas morning. Sunday morning I'll be in church, again celebrating the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas!!!

Kelli

Mr. Sandman

Someone said I had the words to this song all wrong.

Mr. Sandman. Make me a dream.

Make my complexion likes peaches and cream.

Make my two lips a red rosy color.

Make me a soft and sexy female all over!

Sandman... I'm all alone.

Ain't got nobody to call my own

So please put on your magic beams.

Mr. Sandman make me a dream!

Kelli Y