Girly-Man Parts

Last week I had to go shopping for some new guy clothes. I'd much rather have been shopping for gal clothes, but most folks who know me prefer to see me in guy clothes. I figure that's their loss.

Was trying on suit coats and having a very hard time finding a good fit. The problem wasn't the coat length, the coat waist, or even the sleeves. The recurring problem was finding a coat that fit properly in the shoulder. For lack of a better description, most of the coats I tried on were too big in the shoulder.

Later, at home, I was thinking about my shoulders and inspected myself in the bathroom mirror. I have never had muscular or big shoulders, but noticed I didn't have narrow shoulders either. I finally decided that I have thin, non-muscular shoulders, and attached to them were long, non-muscular arms. In the winter months especially, I often shave my arms when I dress. No one has ever commented on my arms, but I decided my arms were fairly feminine and would look even more so with a bit of liposuction.

Like I said, no one has ever commented on my thin shoulders or tapered arms. The only comments I remember getting about being feminine were from an ex-girlfriend who frequently said I had great legs. That always made me blush.

So I am now acknowledging my girly-man parts. I'm proud of my girly-man parts. They are the parts of my body that I can easily and advantageously use to look more feminine when I want to do so, and when they are under male clothes, no one notices at all.

Will add this phrase to Kelli's Dictionary soon.

Kelli

Time Warp Update

This science fiction stuff is becoming a reality all too fast! Recently I blogged about my desire to do some time travel. Here's a bonafide article (yes, I know it's from FOX News) about invisibility, changing the speed of light, and bending time as done recently in a scientific laboratory. I've now decided that the race is on between science perfecting DNA changes that can make me 100% female and science perfecting time travel so I can try my hand at poodle skirts and penny loafers.

Wait a minute... what if we combined time travel and cross dressing?

Kelli

Cracking Walnuts with Sledge Hammers

WARNING: This post may or may not be politically correct.

One day my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) showed up at my front door. I opened the door and discovered she was sporting a new look -- her right arm was in a sling. I quickly ushered her inside and began asking how she hurt her arm. Did she hurt it at work? Was it broken? Etc.

She blushed a very bright red, told me she'd had an accident at home and tried to change the subject. I was too concerned to let her change the subject and eventually got the entire story from her and had a good chuckle in the process.

As it happened, she was preparing to step into her shower when a ferocious, deadly, man-eating cricket which had been hiding in the shadows attacked her, latching hold of her delicate flesh. In fear for her very life, she flayed at the cricket, eventually lost her balance, and fell. She was injured, but fortunately the cricket had been scared away and she was safe for another day.

Her story reminded me of cracking walnuts with sledge hammers -- your response to anything in life must be measured and appropriate.

So I got out of bed this morning, turned on my computer, and began checking e-mails and news from the TG community. One of the headlines involved a tampon company advertisement that, I believe, was showing in Australia. The news articles railed that these commercials were transphobic, insensitive, and should be removed immediately! I immediately pictured a large mass of cross dressers, transexuals, drag queens, and female impersonators armed with pitch forks and torches surrounding the television station, trying to break down the doors and run the monsters responsible out of town.

Thanks to the miracle of the internet, I surfed over to YouTube and found the offending ad. I must say I found it to be a good laugh to start off my day. In the ad, a young woman on the right side of the screen is in the ladies room, touching up her makeup. A taller "woman" enters on the left side. I have to admit, I wasn't certain at first who the female impersonator was, but it turns out to be the taller woman on the left. They both work on their mascara, and an unspoken contest begins -- who can be the most beautiful and most womanly woman.

They quickly touch-up their makeup, each keeping a close eye on what the other is doing. They check their outfits so they look right. They quickly adjust their boobs, all the better to be seen, my dear. And finally, the woman on the right pulls out a tampon from her purse. The "woman" on the left cannot match this move, turns, and leaves. The woman on the right won the most womanly part of the contest.

I guess the reason I was not offended at the commercial was because I readily admit I am not a woman. I would like to be a woman. I dream of being a woman. I will never be a genetic woman (unless science proves me wrong someday). No matter how many surgeries and procedures I have, my DNA will always say "male". We can carry on all day how we "feel" female or we consider ourselves "female" in our minds, but science and DNA will still say "male". That's not a criticism of anyone or an attack on anyone or anything, that is a statement of scientific fact. I may dream of being female, but I live in a place called reality.

I also laughed because the "woman" on the left displayed a manly trait that I immediately recognize as a guy thing -- trying to outdo the other guy, even if the other guy is a woman. When it comes to guys trying to outdo guys, they try to have the most manly physique, the most manly good looks, the flashiest and sportiest car, the top dog in the pecking order, etc. Here we had a "guy" trying to be a "woman", and since "she" still had this manly trait, "she" found herself trying to outdo an actual genetic woman, and the genetic woman shot him down fast. I found it very humorous.

Here's my advice on the matter -- watch the commercial yourself. If you like it, enjoy a good laugh. If you are offended, don't by their brand of tampons.

Kelli

Let the New Year Resolutions Begin!

I've started my new year resolutions for 2012. Most of them are pretty generic and attempted by lots of people, but I am very hopeful I will be able to accomplish them. Here are a few:

Loose weight. Lots of folks make this resolution every year. I have a little extra motivation as I now have a doctor telling me I should loose a few pounds. Anyway, I'm psyched about my diet. I'll basically just be cutting calories and fat plus adding a little bit more exercise. I'm not interested in speedy weight loss, just permanent weight loss.

Improve my looks. What girl doesn't want to look prettier every year?

Conquer Google+. I never signed-on to Facebook. Since I already had a blog and such with Google, I signed-on when they came out with Google+. Now I have no idea how this thing works. Any suggestions? Help!

Take some decent Kelli pictures. After loosing weight and improving my looks, I'd like some nice pictures as I really don't have any. If I don't loose weight and improve my looks, there's always Gimp.

And finally, study my Bible more. I'd like to consider myself as average when it comes to Bible knowledge, but these days the "average level" seems to be lowering itself. There's a lot of misunderstanding and downright hatred of the Bible on the internet, and I'd like very much to at least try to help these folks. There's an old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". The Bible is the same way. I want to make certain that it is out there in case someone wants a drink. If they choose not to drink, I at least tried and they at least heard the truth.

I've got a few more resolutions, but won't bore you with them for now. Check back next month and we'll see how many I've broken.

Kelli

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

If there's one thing more futile than being a guy who wished he looked like his idea of the ideal woman, it might be the pursuance of time travel. Theoretically it seems possible, and it has been the basis of quite a few good sci-fi pictures, but apart from top secret hush-hush government labs, time travel will probably remain an unattainable possibility for the general public during my lifetime.

That's a crying shame as I don't consider my choice for a time travel trip to be that difficult. Oh sure, I might be interested in traveling back to ancient Egypt to get Cleopatra's beauty secrets, but my interests lay closer to home. I'd actually like to travel back to the first half of the 20th century right here in the good old U.S. of A. I find the years 1900 to 1960 fascinating -- the people, the lifestyles, the customs of the day, etc. There are many aspects of those years that I miss in this present day and age.

I'm not much of a nightclub kind of gal [stay with me, this is not a change of topic]. It's just not my thing, like the way some folks just don't like broccoli. Over the years, while visiting some major cities, I've gone to drag shows at various venues. Drag is not really my thing either, but I've seen some outstanding female impersonations that blew my mind. The drag queens and female impersonators often dress up like famous female celebrities and lip-synch to pre-recorded music. The dancing and artistry requires true talent. I personally don't find lip-synching to be a bonafide talent, but that's just my humble opinion. Maybe that's why I have been indifferent to such shows.

While surfing the web this afternoon, I came across several videos recorded at Finnochio's nightclub in San Francisco back in 1980. I had heard of Finnochio's and seen still photos of the performers, but had never seen any of them in action. Finnochio's featured a female impersonator revue, and the show really blew my mind. The "gals" looked glamorous, there was an interesting variety of acts, and the whole show was performed live -- the impersonators did their own singing with a live band accompanying them. Now that took a whale of a lot of talent!

Unfortunately, the Finnochio's era was slightly before my time. I believe the place closed in 1993, but I was no where near San Francisco back then, and the only information I had was from a few magazines that the general public didn't read. The internet that we know and love today didn't exist back then.

Go to the YouTube web page and search for "Finnochios". The videos I am referencing are from 1980 and there are 8 or 9 parts, each 10 to 15 minutes in length. I found them very entertaining with a style of glamour that is not available here in 2012. The comments from some of the performers are priceless.

After building that time machine I'll need to buy a fancy dress from Hudson's Department Store, meet my friends for dinner, then pile into my little Nash-Rambler and head for Finnochio's. Sounds like a fun evening.

Kelli

Merry Christmas

Kelli

Christmas Comes But Once A Year...

Thanksgiving is over, and I now have a big dose of Christmas spirit racing through my veins. I think it was a fashion article I read on Christmas party dresses that really got me going. Anyway, this weekend I should finish all my shopping and haul everything down to the post office so Santa Claus can deliver everything. From what I have been hearing about the postal service lately, I'm sure they will be very happy to have my business this year.

I have a love/hate relationship with shopping malls. My guy side doesn't care for them. My gal side does. I don't think I mind getting sprayed with perfume as much as the other guys out shopping. I always enjoy the people watching at the mall. And then there's my all-time fantasy wish list for Santa: if only he could make me a perfect size 6!

Christmas Comes But Once A Year is the title to one of my favorite old-time cartoons. This was a cartoon produced by the Fleischer brothers for Paramount. You can find it on You Tube. It always makes me smile and puts me in a joyful mood. The special church services and choir music always puts me in a spiritual mode and puts a smile on my face as we celebrate the birth of the Christ child.

I put a Christmas countdown timer on the page to help me keep track of time. I have nothing to do with any ads that accompany it, but plan to be in bed asleep during the final five minutes before the big day. It'll only be up during the holidays. Come February I really don't care how many shopping days I have until December 25th.

I sincerely hope everyone has a very nice Christmas. If you celebrate another special observance during this time of the year, I hope you enjoy the holidays and still wish you a Merry Christmas. And if you don't celebrate anything during this time of the year, I sincerely hope you enjoy the season and still wish you a Merry Christmas.

And now to prepare for Easter. I need a new pair of white shoes.

Kelli